Annoying life's cliches...

I've been known to use them every once in a while although I don't really like them. But like anything, I guess they did stem from some kind of truth, at least at one point. For the most part, I'm able to detach myself when I read, see, hear something that annoys the hell out of me but there are times, like today, when it's impossible. Yes, yours truly reacted when I saw the following drivel on Facebook.

 

I've been single for about 3 years. In my last relationship, I was with someone who was completely wrong for me. And before him, another one, this time a pathological liar. And he was good! I bought his stories for a few years. Amazing what one will put up with when one is tired of being on one's own... And it's also no secret that I hated this "status". Constantly looking for someone, looking everywhere, under every rock. I was putting feelers everywhere. Just in case there would be a bite. I was envious of my friends who would start relationships and be in that giddy phase. I tried very hard to be happy for them, not always successfully I'm ashamed to say. In other words, I was this pathetic lady you see and you think "no man will ever touch you, needy!!!" But as much as I was lonely and wanted to be with someone, what I could not do, however, was be with someone with whom I was NOT attracted to. Trust me, dear reader, I tried. And it doesn't work.

Last year the love of my life and a man I spent a good chunk of my formative years as a woman, reappeared in my life. Apparently he had been looking for me for many years. At first I was genuinely happy as I got tons of news about him and his family but as contact progressed, I started to wonder why he got in touch with me. Maybe it was because he was genuinely sorry for what happened, that life without me didn't turn out as well as he thought it would, or because he was looking for something, maybe a little excitement in his life. Who knows. All I know is that while it gave me the closure I needed, 12 years later, it also sent me into a tailspin of emotions that I really did not need and at one point became very complicated and showed all signs of reverting to the toxic merry-go-round we used to embark all the time. I recognized the signs... Nonetheless, like anything else that happened to me in my soon to be 55 years on this planet, I eventually decided it was enough and put an end to it. With time, my brain kept only the good things about this contact. I had been important in his life, I had "meant" something and while it was truly done and over with, it was nice (if I'm entirely honest) to know that he suffered while reconnecting with me. He went through a little bit of what I had to deal with 12 years ago. Karma I say... karma.

But I'm a nice person, I don't revel in someone's misfortune... much. I do wish him well and all the happiness in his chosen life.

So life continues as it always does. One day followed the next. My search continued, I was growing more frustrated, very close to becoming a bitter old lady. About 6 weeks ago, while spending yet another wasted evening on an online dating site only to have to deal with guys living 1,000 miles away telling me "you are THE PERFECT woman for me!", "Distance is meaningless when there is love!" or my all time favorite "I LOVE older women!" translating into "you're an old broad on an online dating site, you must be frustrated and willing to go for anything!"..... ahhh those hours I'll never get back... the clouds parted and I finally saw it clearly: Not every pot has a lid. There are some of us who will remain lidless for the rest of their days.

I will admit, I had a bit of a panic attack when I finally uttered this. But I calmed down and realized that it was probably why I kept meeting losers. I remember waking up the next day and feeling so much better. No expectations, no disappointments, nothing. It's simply not a goal. I leave it to others to fight, to constanly work at their relationship, to whine about their partners while swearing till they're blue in the face that they love them dearly! If I'm going to remain lidless, then it behooves me to make my life as good and comfortable as possible. Because let's face it, I don't "need" to be with someone. I have a good life, a good supportive (to a large extent) circle of friends. I make good money even though right now I cannot afford to go crazy. My relationship with my family is getting better. My mom is still a concern but I also decided NOT to make her illness mine. This gives me the emotional distance that I need if I want to continue to be there for her.

To close this very therapeutic post, I don't know why I responded/reacted to the photo. And by the way, my response was not rude... Hormones? who the heck knows :-P  But it makes for an interesting post if I may say so myself. It cannot always be about running...

Starting the year right

As always, this Running Goddess likes to start the year right, by getting together with friends to go run a 9k fun run. Usually in frigid temperatures although have had rain and very warm (short sleeves one year). This very easy route starts from the Balmy Beach Club in the Beach area, go along the boardwalk then on to Lakeshore to Leslie Street, turn left to the Leslie Spit entrance where a little tipple is waiting for us :)  This year was Peach Schnapps. I like schnapps :) I didn't like last year's offering, a coconut liqueur that was way too sweet. Of course, last year I was firmly in the hangover category so anything was giving me the "ewww" syndrome.

But this year was different. We started the evening with a fulfilling turkey (cooked covered in bacon. divine!!!) dinner, had champagne for dessert. My friends were hosting an open house at 9 pm so all I had to do was clean up the kitchen then make my way to their place across the hall. And there was plenty of food there as well. All this created a very good environment for wine. I was a bit tipsy when went to bed very late at 3 am but not enough to think I would die on that road the next morning. 

This has been a tradition for the last 4 years and this year was the first time Aestus' husband, Thomas, didn't join us. He received a very sharp/expensive knife at Christmas and managed to slice off the tip of his thumb prepping the veggies the evening before. And he hasn't run in months, he's into cycling now, which is great. So he elected to stay home and nurse his bleeding thumb. I don't blame him. The last thing I'd want to be with is a bunch of people who are getting into their runner's high while you want to curl up in a ball and die.


So off we go, make our way to the race, register NOT in the hangover category but the masters (45 and up) category. I've been in that category for almost 10 years now! About 5 minutes before, we make our way to the start line, get chatty with people around us and before we knew it, we were off!

I hadn't run in almost a month so although it was ok, my heart rate was so high, I could hear it in my ears! Oh my goodness it was tough! We took a 1 min walking break at the 2km mark. Phew! I was able to stabilize my heart rate with my breathing and recover a bit. Then we were off again. Second set was much easier, I was warming up. I had to resist the tentation to get all chatty as I know that sometimes it will sap my energy. We were not pushing the pace, just going the way we wanted to go. We finally made it to the halfway mark and enjoyed our tipple. Aestus had gin with him in case they ran out of schnapps to serve with the orange juice but we didn't have to use it. As much as I enjoy a good G&T, having a straight shot of gin is not something I enjoy. I got 2 servings of the schnapps, a glass of water then we were off again.

Before the race

The return was much better. I had the tipple in me, my legs were finally loosening nicely, I was finding my rythym. We even increased the pace a bit. Once we saw the finish line, I picked up the pace a little more. I cannot see a finish line without going a bit faster. Grrr.... I think we finished it in 1:10 or change... almost a full 10 minutes slower than last year. But that didn't bother me, this was a run that him and I did together, as friends, as two runners welcoming the new year in style.

Went back inside, sat for our lunch, then had a few bevvies, I seem to have developed a taste for Guinness :) After an hour or so spent on a couch at the club, we returned home happy with our day. And I further celebrated by having a glorious nap with the cat on my lap. 

Happy New Year!

Marathon #4, Prince Edward County

Well, what can I say about this one? I completed it and that's about it if I'm honest. It's a lovely race, extremely well organized, small and with just the right feel. It's perfect. But my heart was just not in it and it showed in my results I think. 5:12:39. about 16 minutes slower than my first one.

When I first decided to do this one, my friend and occasional running buddy Aestus told me he would join, he said he needed a race to make him feel good about training again. He was in a slump and needed a boost to get out of it. So he and his husband signed up for the race. I was so excited! It would be just like old times!

My training started very well, then I got tired, readjusted a bit. Then the heat/humidity nearly killed my self confidence in my long slow distance running. I just couldn't finish them! It was frustrating. Then it got better. I felt more positive about the upcoming race. Then Aestus started to develop knee problems and had to bail out of a few runs and take time off. He eventually replaced his shoes (after I bugged him about it) and it was great. All systems go, we're doing the race! We're all ready...

Two days before we are to leave, he came down with the flu so headache, aches, nausea, diahhrea, vomiting. He stayed home on Friday to see if it would get better. It didn't. I was then faced with 2 choices. Stay and miss the race (which I considered doing given that it would in fact double what I had to pay for the weekend, something I can barely afford) or go. I waffled a lot then decided to go. Hindsight 20/20 maybe skipping it would have been ok. But then again, maybe not...

So made it to Picton, picked up our race kits then back to hotel for resting. Ate my pasta, started feeling tired around 9:30 so went to bed. Didn't have a good night sleep, kept waking up. Woke up before the alarm at 4:45 am and immediately requestionned my being there. I wasn't used to the pillows so my neck was sore. But I said I would do it so that's what I did. Met a few friends that I knew would be there so we hung out together, it was nice to have the company. Boarded the bus to the start line, waited in an arena, then 10 min before made it to the start line, dropped off our bags and seeded ourselves in the start line. I wished my two friends a good race and went to the back of the pack. The group was small, there were many relay runners. I was surrounded by 2 relay runners and one full marathon. I followed her for a good chunk of the race. I caught up with one of the relay runner who looked like she was having a hard time. Fortunately it was near a photo op so I told her to look up and smile :)

So I had a great race until the halfway mark. Then I was ready to quit at 25k, I was questionning my sanity at 29k and by the time 32k arrived, I kept asking myself which was worse, walking or running? My left hip was suffering. I was having tummy issues. I was in awe of my surroundings and the people who spent many hours in their driveways to cheer us, the very back of the pack :) They were awesome and I made sure to say thank you every time it happened.

Then the big hill arrived at th 37k mark. I knew about that one and by that time, I was doing 7/7. I was trying to find a rythym that made my body feel better. I wasn't running too fast but I was running. Then one last hill. I made myself run to the bottom of the hill then walked up that hill. I knew that we were close. The kilometres were extremely well marked. Water stations every 2 kms. I took my gels at the prescribed distances (every 6kms) and by 38kms switched to Gatorade at every water station.

The last 2 kilometres were a bit of a blur. I ran most of it. I walked a bit, then asked someone how far I had to go because the 41km wasn't marked. She said 1.5km. I said ok, thanks I can do this. And I started running again, I continued strong until I crossed the finish line, happy, esctatic, relieved, emotional. They told me "congratulations, you finished a MARATHON!!!" put my medal around my neck, gave me a foil blanket, someone walked a bit with me as I was wheezing a bit. She talked to me as I was getting all emotional... she asked me if it was my first and I said "no, it's my 4th!" she asked me if I was ok, poor thing could see I was all emotional... bless her. She helped me a lot.

I made my way to the building where it all started to get my goodies, most especially that beer I had been fantasizing about for so long. I wanted food too but mostly the beer. Found a seat, started to shiver, asked where the bags were, went to get my bag and put a dry top on. Then savoured my beer. All on my own. I think that's where it was the worst. I was supposed to be with my friends, this was supposed to be a joyous event, an accomplishment and while I was happy it was done, my heart just wasn't completely there.

Now I need to rest and let my body heal. It's not happy with me right now. Then I will reassess. Photos of various points of the race. The one with the cows is at the 36-37 k mark.

I could still muster a half smile...

Run for the Toad

Bling!

On my birthday, I decided to celebrate in style and run what I thought would be a fun run, a 25km trail race. That race had been on my radar for many years and since the dates and training cycle coordinated, I thought, why not? Why not make it different than the usual stay at home and cook myself a great meal? Boy was I in for a treat...

Our campsite!

First we decided to camp so I borrowed a tent and sleeping bags from my neighbours. Another friend lent me her portable stove, very small but worked so well! I rented a car, booked the campsite for 2 nights and we were all set. We arrived on the Friday afternoon, set off to pick up our race kits and explore a bit. Then back to campsite to set up camp and start the fire. We discovered that the campsite was big and very roomy (especially with 2 little tents) BUT it was also close to a major road so we had constant traffic noise. Not pleasant.

The two tents

Morning of race, alarm goes off at 7:30 am. We had decided to arrive at start of race around 8:45 so we could pick up our time chip and soak up the atmosphere. I brought a bagel with peanut butter. As always, my appetite was nowhere to be found so could only have 1/2 a bagel. Didn't matter, we loaded up on coffee. We met Tracy, a fellow Running Room person, who was there to walk the 25km. She's an amazing person. She lives with diabetes, the type that she has to carry the insulin with her, it's constantly connected to her. Her outlook on life is amazing. She might be having bad days but you'd never know seeing her. Truly an inspiration.

Clockwise me, Tracy and Nada

We watch the opening ceremonies, bagpipe music is so moving, sing the national anthems (I guess there were many Americans there) and after a beautiful rendition of the Canadian anthem, followed by loud applause, it was time to see the 50kers off. I knew one person there, Dave Emillio. Yelled his name he didn't see me. His wife was doing the 25km. Soon enough it's time for us to line up and wait for the start. I barely have enough time to set up the Garmin for intervals. I figure the battery will last long enough. My time for a 10k is usually about 1 hour so for an additional 5, I estimated 2 1/2 hour would be plenty. Oh boy, was I proven wrong...

Before start of the race

Overall time was 3:25 and change. Split were completely even at 1:42.29 for the first loop, 1:42:56 for the second one. I couldn't have done it better if I had tried.

The 50kers are getting ready...

I didn't run with music as I figured that in a trail, surrounded by nature, you don't need music. And I'm glad I didn't run with music. I would have missed out on so much. First loop was done with running buddy. I wasn't looking at my watch at all, only the intervals. At the 7k mark, we heard someone say they had been running for over an hour. I looked at my watch and quickly realized that there was no way in hell I could do that loop in 1:15. No way. As for my running buddy, I had to rein her in a few times, kept telling her to slow down. There was a lot of hills and we ran the first few but quickly decided to walk the next ones. I kept reminding her about recovery jog at the top. No walking but a very slow recovery. The plan was to do the fist loop together then it was to each her own. She faded at the 10k mark and I felt strong so continued on my own. Crossed the timing mat at 1:42.26.

One of the many steep downhill

As I continued on my way to the second loop, I started doing the math and see if I could predict my finish time. I was still feeling strong so 3:30 seemed like  a good number. I had a few walking breaks in the second half of the loop but I made sure they were power walking breaks. BUT I stubbed my right big toe 4 times. 4 times! GAHHHH I was swearing the 3rd time it happened. That was when I was tired and my form wasn't the best.

Also decided to drink Gatorade at water stations. I had my chewies but was getting tired of the lemon flavour. They also had coca cola but given the last time I had that and got cramps, I decided to err on the side of caution and stick to Gatorade. Kept thinking about the monster hill at the 11k mark. Oh. My. God. that hill was unreal. There was no way I could run that hill. I also kept thinking that this race would be so different IF it was raining. We'd be sliding everywhere, some downhill were so steep. What comes up must come down and what comes down must go up... eventually :)

My very own birthday bib!

Finally I get to the finish, cross the line at 3:25:25. Placement was 73/94 in my age category and 351 for the overall gender. I get my recovery cup of soup, a bottle of water and set off to the stands to wait for my friend to arrive. She came in at 3:57 and I was so happy for her! She's running injured so it's an added challenge to this race.

We then line up for our food. I loaded up on the sugary stuff :) After all, it was my birthday!

No, didn't meet my prince that weekend... maybe soon...

Final note. While I totally loved this race and was tired but not feeling as defeated as I sometimes feel during road races, road running is definitely different. Would I do it again? Probably not the whole distance but as part of a relay, definitely. It's a fun race, well organized and with a stellar organization and volunteers. And the medal is awesome!

The last long run...

Yesterday we achieved another milestone in our training cycle, the last long run before the race. This is really a challenging yet fun time. This is, for me at least, a test of my fitness level. It's also a good gage for your exhaustion level as well as your race plan in terms of nutrition, hydration and pacing.

We set off in very cool temps and I was very happy to be wearing my arm warmer that morning. The sun was shining, I had my other watch with the timer as I knew that the Garmin wouldn't last much beyond 3 1/2 hours of running. The route was about 33kms and the group had agreed to do an extra loop at the end (when you're at your most vulnerable) to bring the total distance at 35kms. Everyone was pumped, looking forward to the challenge and well prepared. Well, at least 3 of us. One guy has, for lack of better words, completely failed to grasp the concept of fueling during a long run. He just run fast at the beginning (I constantly have to tell him to slow down) and trail at the end because he doesn't have much left in the tank. And I ask him every week how much nutrition he has and every week I say not enough. Oh well...   at least one who also never brought enough this time was smart, he got many gels and it paid off for him big time. He could keep up with us at the end, he had juice left in the tank, he felt great at the end! It was his lightbulb moment. And I was happy to witness it. I think he'll continue running after the race.

The route was good, a little hill when we arrived at High Park, nothing compared to what was waiting for us but we didn't really know that. I had looked at the route on Saturday but didn't clue in that the third part of the route would be hilly. I told the group that we were breaking down the distance into 3ish parts of 10kms and we would only deal with one part at a time. This is what I do at races, it's a heck of a lot easier to deal with mentally with 4 parts of 10kms than 42.2kms!

We did a pit stop at the Running Room on Bloor Street West, washroom and water refill. Told the guy to get more GU Chomps. He told me he was planning on buying chocolate bars at convenience stores instead. I gave him "the look"... he ended up getting 2 bags of GU Chomps. LOL

We get to the second part of the run, we went through a lovely area of High Park, through the Humber Trail. Lovely lovely lovely. And we ran, and ran, and ran. Eventually we make it to Scarlett Road, continue north on the trail to Eglinton West. We turn right to go East, which was the start of the coming back to the store route. And our first challenge was waiting for us. A hill. A big hill, a long hill. We conquer it. And we continue only to discover that there is another one, shorter but a bit steeper waiting for us. We have to run to Caledonia Road and whomever said Toronto is flat has NOT run in that area! It is NOT flat at all. Eventually we make it to Caledonia Road. We've done that route going north but not the other way around and I guess we didn't remember that it had a few hills going south... of course, we had to go down THEN up the last time. Before we tackled that monster, we did a water stop. Then off we went, south to St. Clair.

Very appropriate when we were on King Street.

From that point on, it was all mental, at least for me. The group got a bit silent, we were going through the motions, relishing the walking breaks, not liking the start again but knowing that if we didn't take the walking breaks we'd end up paying for it: the death march. Finally made it to Bathurst. yay! 10k to go. Only 10k to go. I had to rein them in the downhill. Too easy to go all out. We finally arrive at King Street, turn left towards Bay Street, decide to go up one block to Adelaide as King Street is very busy. That's when my Garmin decided to stop. Battery dead. It had been beeping at me for the last 5ks. No worries I said, I have my other watch to keep track of the walking breaks. The group is VERY tired at this point. It really is mental work to keep going. I'm sure everyone is thinking "what the heck was I thinking when we agreed to 35k?" but we somehow found a little bit of energy when we turned left on Bay Street. We could visualize where College was in our mind, it's known territory. So we knew we could do it. And this gave me the strength to continue. We made it to College, stopped for a short break then set off back to the store. This part made me think of an inspirational poster I saw on Facebook (posted the image here but not very good quality) that says Discipline is doing what you know needs to be done even though you don't want to. We showed discipline yesterday.

We all felt victorious when we finished. Relieved, happy, even though we were the very last one to get back. I didn't care. I took care of my group, the pace was a bit slower than other weeks by about 40 seconds/km but given that we were doing 35kms, I wanted them to have a good/solid experience. And I think they were grateful for that.

Aestus with the beast

Of course, when you finish is when the legs start to seize up. And mine didn't disappoint. Going grocery shopping and waiting in line at the cash wasn't that enjoyable afterwards but I had to do it. Got home so late eating a full meal wasn't appealing so I had 2 hard boiled eggs with a cucumber. Odd combination I know but I didn't want to cook. Then I grabbed the bag of chips I bought for the coming weekend and started to eat them... way too many of them. Eventually heard from my neighbour and running buddy Aestus (he had to cut his run short due to knee problems) and he offered some food they were cooking. So my recovery dinner was spaghetti squash with spaghetti sauce. YUMMY!!!

So this was my last long run before race day. This coming weekend, to start my taper, I will run a 25kms trail race, then from this point on it will be maintenance with a few runs at race pace.

I also saw this little gem on Facebook this weekend and I thought it represented me so much. I have to learn NOT to get too attached to my life plans. Letting go is a great thing.

Lifting the veil

I guess it's no secret that since June, my life has been one shitty situation after another. Like a never ending onslaught of life challenges that test your boundaries, happiness and what you're really made of as a human being. Earlier this week, a big part of me felt that I was failing miserably.

After taking a week off social network because I couldn't think of one positive thing to say, I rejoined only to felt like a failure all over again. It was like everything was spinning out of control. And I can imagine it now, people saying "For fuck sake, just shut up and be done with it!" "get off the ground, you drama queen!" And to a large extent, I could almost agree with them, IF I was on the outside looking at that person struggling again and again and again. Because you see, it's very easy to judge someone who is going through rough times because we tend to judge on how "we" would react to their struggles.

So I'll let it out now. I'm struggling. It's hard. It's tough. I see no end in sight and I'm very very angry. Do I have the right to be angry? You betcha. Do I have to suck it up and not show it? Well, apparently I have to. I have to keep it to myself and not show any reaction. Stiff upper lip as they say. According to whom? Give me one place where it says that it's "not right to show so much emotions". Maybe there is still some remains of the Victorian times when it was just not done to display such disgraceful emotions.

Because I went into a depression once, I started to recognize a few signs of it, the highs and lows, the despair, the doubts, the lead filled coat that makes me constantly tired. When I had my depression after the end of my second long term relationship, I struggled a lot. I was sleeping all the time. I was a functionning individual but as soon as I was on my own, I was crumbling into pieces. I remember leaving the GO Train station and starting to cry the minute I was on my own on the street and walking home. It was that bad. It lasted months. Yes I came out stronger but the cost has been high. I lost that lovely round edge I had, it has been replaced by something much sharper and at times very bitter. I still get periods of utter happiness but when I'm in a slump of unhappiness, it's a really ugly place to be. And I have nobody but myself to get me out of it.

While having a chat with my running coach on Tuesday, he brought home a few good thuths about life in general. Although the shit I'm in right now is not about to disappear, if I turn it around a wee bit to amplify the positives (even though I may have to dig deep for this) will help in coping, like lifting the veil. So without further ado, here's the list:

Challenge #1. A special assessment in the building I live in will eat $457 per month of my disposable income for 3 years. Although it will be manageable, it will leave me vulnerable to emergencies.

Positive: As I was walking out to work, a co-worker who lives with his boyfriend in my building, was coming out as well. We chatted a bit and he told me that they have rented his boyfriend's unit and the person is looking for a parking spot. So she would be interested in renting my parking spot. I'm happy with this as this person would not completely be a total stranger. This will subsidize $110-$120 a month.

Challenge #2. Some offices are not performing well and we've been told to run a tight ship. This means layoffs, we have to submit our time sheets every week, consultants are required to work more hours, we have to produce our invoices quickly and work on the ARs. Some directors are asked to reduce their hours. My boss is now on a 3 day/week.

Positive: I've been told that Assistants are not affected for now. I've also been told that I'm well liked at work, I have good working ethics (although I'm a bit of a loner in the sense that I don't chat with many other assistants). Plus I do all security clearances for the company. I updated my resume, just in case.

Challenge #3. My mother has been diagnosed with dementia. At first I thought it wasn't really that but after hearing from my sister-in-law and a few chats with my mom, it appears that she is more sick than I first thought. She is now at the point of imagining things, thinking people are out there to steal from her, she hides things and doesn't remember. We're still waiting for the assessment of care.

Positive: Well, this one is a little harder to find the positive... Right now I'm hoping the daily visits that are covered under health care will be enough. I know that eventually she will have to be moved to a nursing home and not all of it is covered. The cost of a private room in a government run nursing home is about $1,800 a month. The government takes everything you have, pension, investment, etc... and the family has to make up the difference. So hopefully it won't be too much.

Challenge #4. A past love reappeared in my life and this has unsettled me. It's made me more aware of my loneliness and longing for a partner. It also brought back many unresolved feelings towards that person.

Positive: I've reconnected with some of my past and although it is a bit challenging, I know that it will eventually settle into something quieter. It is what it is. 

Challenge #5. Our building is being inspected for bed bugs. I had to deal with this many years ago and it caused a great deal of stress and a major financial loss (to me, anything over $2,000 is major). It took over 6 months to get rid of them and at least a year after that to start feeling normal. When my friend told me a month ago that they had found one after I went home from spending the evening at their place, I was again sent into a tizzy. Their unit got treated as it was discovered it was the unit below them that was infested. I thought everything got under control when I received a notice on Tuesday that the whole building is being inspected using dogs.

Positive: I've dealt with it before so know what to do/look for. I was assured that my unit would be done first so I will be able to take the cat out in the hallway while they inspect. The inspection is to take only 5 minutes so I will only be a bit late at work.

So there you go world, my list of issues. Writing it down helped putting it into perspective and have an action plan. Will I ever stop from reacting? Probably not. Right now I'm past caring how it appears to the general public. And if people want to judge me because I don't shit enough rainbows or am negative and/or bitter, then so be it. Nothing I can do about that.

But I can guarantee you that the lead jacket will disappear from my closet. It doesn't suit me at all.

Tick, tick, tick, tick...

Time is ticking, the date is approaching, this is the crucial part of the training, at least for me. 5 weeks left to the race, 3 weeks of training and 2 weeks taper.

This is sometimes the time when I've put so much energy into my training that I go through a mini-burnout. In the winter, it's usually in the form of getting sick as my immune system gets depleted and I'm not as diligent in protecting it. Summer is different because, well, it's summer! But I still get tired. Humidity is a killer for me.

Yesterday was our last hill workout, 17 kms of a hilly route with 2 and 4 hill repeats thrown in there for good measure. I had to walk the last 400 metres of the one before last and slowed down considerably during the last tempo hilly bit. I was done. It was extremely hot/humid and I was a bit nervous, no idea why. During our recovery jog back to the store, I had to take a few walking breaks. I then went into autopilot, blocked everything out of my mind that was considered a distraction and only thought about left/right, left/right, breathe. Repeat. That's all I could think about. Maybe it was lack of fueling, after all, the power bar I took with me had a 2009 expiry date :)

Next week we are starting speed work but I won't be doing it, my ankle is too finicky these days. I think I still have shin splints and must be careful so that it doesn't progress to a stress fracture. It's not too bad now but I can sometimes feel it when I'm running tired. So right now I'm thinking doing a tempo run to replace the blistery pace of speed work :)

So what's in store with Sunday distances in addition to the usual 3 runs a week?  Here's the list:

Sunday - 23kms. Hardly worth going out right? Love the cut back weeks!
09/16 - 29 kms
09/23 - 32 kms (our second and last one)
09/30 - 23 kms (this will be replaced by my 25k trail race the day before), taper starts
10/06 - 16 kms race pace
10/07 - 6 km really hardly worth getting out but you must do it, last week of taper. Very important
10/14 - Race day, 42.2 kms

Taper is an interesting time. It can go very well or be horrendous. You're used to go go go and now you have to shorten your workouts while keeping the intensity. Yet your appetite is as high as ever but you don't run as much so you go crazy. Everyone has an opinion on taper. Some do, some don't. It's also very important to eat, drink, and sleep well. You must arrive at the race well rested. Sleep is an important part of training.

To be continued...