Friendships

I've had many friendships in my life and some have stood the test of time, many haven't. I know it's part of the life cycle and it's meant to be this way but I always feel a sense of rejection when a friendship comes to an end. Sometimes it's in your face with a big blowout and you retreat in respective corners, being hurt but somehow the lines of communications, even if they appear broken, remain because there is some unfinished business. Then there re the subtle ones, the one that just... die.... like that. One day you realize that there hasn't been communication in a while and even though you can still continue about your day you realize that the other person is perfectly happy, just as you might be. And you start seeing what happened with you with another person. So you say "ahhh... ok. Got it." and you move on. Just like that.

I used to go through hoops trying to please people so they would like me and a big part of me is still tempted to do that but I'm just too tired to go chasing people. It's not worth the effort. I will not suck up to anyone to either be part of a circle, a group, or someone's life. I want to continue to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I want to continue being able to pay for my bills instead of desperately trying to fit in the richer crowd.

I'm not bitter about the person I used to be close friend with, not really. There were many things that contributed to it, distance, life, state of mind, what we like and so forth. And I know that there might be a time when the connection will reappear and I will be happy to see it happen. It will be different and maybe that's what it is all about in the cycle of life. Some relationships are meant to go this route to emerge on the other side and still make you happy.

Meanwhile, I continue to go my own way, just as I have always done. Because at the end of the day, my very best friend, myself, will never let me down.