The age thing...

I had a chat with a friend not too long ago about the age issue, more specifically in dating. His formula is half his age plus 7 years. He wants someone younger, maybe because he wants to have more children or he feels more comfortable being older. No matter what his reasons, this is what works for him. There is no right or wrong in what we are looking for in a mate.

The world of dating has changed and depending on how you look at it, not too much for the better. Society still look down on women who are either extremely independent, not needy at all and who are in touch with their bodies, sexuality, fitness and know what they want.

I've dated many different men in my life, younger and older than me. I've dated idiots and men with many emotional issues. Of course, I went through my own issues, probably not at the same time so that made for very interesting relationships. I have my share of "what the fuck were you thinking?" moments when I stop and start thinking about a certain relationship. Yes what's in the past is in the past but there are times when it comes to the surface long enough to make me cringe.

Of all the men I dated, I prefer younger than me. I don't know why, sometimes it's a question of energy, outlook on life, life expectancy perhaps. Or maybe it is that I prefer a guy who looks young. So if I take my friend's formula on the age thing, my ideal man would be 33, or 20 years younger than me. Mmm... that's a bit young because that decade is usually all about career building and let's face it, some will be pretty immature... but still. I'm thinking more 40s than 30s.

One thing that works against me is that I do not look my age. Sure I have wrinkles and my tummy is not as smooth as a 25 yr old. I can't produce children and I can't stay up all night. My hair is grey and needs to be coloured on a regular basis, I'm beginning to see age spots on my hands and although that blasted menopause is taking a long time to arrive, it is around the corner and will eventually happen with all the changes that it entails. But I have energy, far more energy than the average 53 yr old woman. I've dealt with my emotional issues. I don't need a man to feel complete, I can live on my own and be happy.

So why no mate? Why no men lining up at my door, clamoring for my favours? I dunno... maybe it's because I find it difficult to feel any attraction whatsoever to a guy who looks 20 years older than me? Maybe it is because when I'm out with a prospective date, trying again and again to see if there is chemistry my eyes are drawn to the guy at the bar who looks 20 years younger than the guy I'm sitting across from? I know that looks are not all there is in life and that personality is more important but at the same time it's how I feel that makes it that I'm interested int that person. This is what makes me develop feelings. I dated someone who was at the opposite end of the spectrum in the type of guy I usually go for. Not into fitness, looking much older and yet, there was something about him that I adored. It was the way he was treating me. He was gentle, quiet, interested. He had a wonderful sense of humour, he didn't try to "educate" me, he thought I was the sexiest, most attractive woman he had met. He was very good at small talk which is probably why I gave him a second, then third chance. It was fluid with us. There were silences but even these were fantastic.

Alas, he was married to his work so eventually things fell apart. A great loss with a heart broken into a million of pieces but life decided that it was the way it was to be. I'm much better now but it took me a long time to recover from this and some scars might never completely heal.

But this is not a post about self-pity.... back to the age thing. While I don't discount someone older than me, what interest me most is personality. If I could meet someone with the perfect personality for ME it would be awesome. A plan has been put in place...

More to come, stay tuned...