The end of a love affair...

It’s always a bit depressing when a love affair ends, be it with someone, something like a pair of running shoes that used to be great but the model changed and it just doesn't fit anymore, or a favourite restaurant that over time became so-so and you started going less and less to find yourself one day thinking of a different place to hang out. Or a site, forum, chat room. Or Facebook. The ever present Facebook, the site that can make you or break you. The site that can bring out the worse in people.

I have always been a strong supporter of Facebook. I loved its “instant” connection with people, the communication, information gathering and sometimes the hilarious comments that you’d read on someone’s thread or posted to you. Or the jokes or touching stories that circulate, it was, at the time, a good environment. I felt safe there, loved almost. Then it changed somehow, it became clicky so to speak. You try to be friend with the right crowd. You hang out at a page and you make friends. Some will prove to be invaluable and very important to you. These friends might become friends with your friends. It all becomes a big circle of friends. Some of these friends you will never meet. Many will also be friends in real life. 

Most of these real life people will be nice but some won’t. Some will be petty, envious, always there to say the opposite of what you agree/disagree on. It can be about a race that you find way expensive or a city you'd like to visit. It’s never out in the open, it’s always covered so that if you mention something others will not even be able to find fault in what the other person said. But you know, you know. 

Sometimes you will also make mistakes, like post the wrong thing or forget someone and that person will never, ever forget and will always be there to pick and poke. Or that person will ignore what you say and respond to all except you, or even worse, "like" every comment except yours... ahhh the immaturity of it all...

Very highschool and to my eternal shame, I found myself reacting to it. I don’t know if it’s my hormones but a while ago, after it was pointed out to me that I was a little, ok, VERY prolific with my comments, I decided to take a break and very publicly announced it to the world! Deep down I was so hurt by that comment. Very much so, it cut very deep and made me extremely vulnerable. Under that armour of a smile and looking like I’m THE most flexible person ever, lies a very insecure soul who gets hurt very easily. 

Of course, that break didn’t last long because I wasn’t doing it for the right reason. Yet, the seed of the end was planted. It started to germinate and last night the first leaf started to come out. It was strange because it had very little to do with what was said before. I went out with a group of people from a running group I’m part of. A comment was made about a post I had made about an upcoming race had created a BIG uproar behind the scene. And it might have been the post about me saying “no, not organizing for everyone” that broke the camel’s back so to speak. In any case, apparently a few feathers were ruffled. Yet, nothing on the surface... this made me think... the cliques were hard at work. 

So for some reason I felt like I had been slapped in the face and I just couldn’t be part of it anymore. So when I got home, after checking out FB world and saw the predictable "disagreeing" with what I posted by that person, I deactivated my profile. Just like that. One click and I’ve blended into cyberspace. It’s still somewhere, my photos, witty notes and smart remarks are still alive. They’re just dormant. And I have no intention to waking it up again, at least not for the foreseeable future.

I’ve never liked cliques. They are stifling. They have no soul, no emotions or connections. They tend to discriminate against outsiders. They say “you are not part of us”. This turns me off. And yet, I understand they are an important, and sometimes necessary, dynamic of any group or organization. Yet, I dislike them and they will push me out more than in.

However, I will continue this blog but since I won’t be at the other place, I probably will have more time to devote to it. And this makes me happy, in a quiet way. 

Maybe it’s the beginning of a new love affair...all I know is that although I do miss a few people there, I feel a lot better since I don't belong to that other world.