Speaking of training...

When I started this blog, it was mostly designed to do with running, training and the odd observation about life but then life took over and training, while still continuing, moved to the back. I admit to have lost a bit of perspective due to my loneliness and struggle with my emotions. Now that I'm back to some kind of even keel, I thought of writing about my training a little more.

Today I did one of the most important run of the week, the long slow distance run. This is the run that gives you the training of running for a long time and be able to continue to run when you get tired. These runs are typically done at a slower pace than your race pace but for many people, myself included, they tend to be too fast. I'm very careful about it but don't always manage to attain it. They're typically faster. Still...

When I looked at my training schedule, I decided that it was time to get away from the walking breaks. Yes, I admit there is part of me who wants to be able to run a whole run without breaks. I'm able to do a shorter distance but as soon as I get beyond 10k, I need my breaks. The water stations in Paris are every 5k so it makes sense to train to run my long distance runs with taking breaks at that time. However, since I'm still VERY dependent on the breaks, I decided to gradually build the distance so I don't get injured and/or burn out myself. So far, so good.

HOWEVER, in the last month I have been lax with my stretching. It's better now but the fact that I didn't stretch as well or as often caught up with me a bit. My calves, hamstrings and ITB are very tight. What saved me, I think, is the fact that I do yoga 3 times a week, twice of these times is hot yoga and I want to increase it to 3 times. My body really benefits from this stretching and destressing.

My calves were not happy with me when I did my 6k recovery run nor were they happy with today's run. They feel extremely tight and I fear attempting to stretch then when I run and stop at a traffic light. I'm afraid of ripping them a bit they are that tight. Eventually they losen up but running can be challenging at the beginning. This is also when the mental battle is at its worst. And to me that is the biggest hurdle, the mental battle. The fight that you go through when you race, when you get tired and you want to stop. If I learn to tame the beast it will be easier at the race.

So when I finished today's run, I felt really good even though I had to take a few unscheduled walking breaks. I had tamed the beast... till next weekend... 

It's a start :)

The way to live

Now that I'm firmly into my new life, aka less distractions, I tend to read more books, watch more TV or watch it being more focused would be a more appropriate term :)

I love to read books and decided to devote more time to reading books that appeal to me. So when a friend at work lent me a book called Shanghai Girls by Lisa See and I quickly discovered I love her writing style, I decided to check out her other books. I'm a devoted fan of the library. It's part of our property taxes so why not take as much advantage of it as possible? So off to the library website to get the books. I clicked on a book not by that author but with a subject that interested me.

The storyline is of German who went to Shanghai as refugees while waiting to go to the United States in WW2. The book is written by a girl of 10 who spends the next 9 years waiting to eventually move to the US. Very interesting and descriptive.

From the book:

Memories are wonderful, and we all have them. They are part of us. But we need to treat them like a favorite picture book that we enjoy looking at, and when we close the book, the pictures stay on the pages. If you let the past live your life, then the present has no value, and the future is doomed to failure. Look at what you had, the fine and generous gifts, be grateful for them. but recognize the new gifts coming your way. Live in the present, take what life has to offer, adjust, and if nothing else, make a memory of everything.

I admit that I sometimes go down memory lane to linger and ask myself the very dangerous "what if" question. Dangerous and useless really... So I will strive NOT to let the past live my life. It's good to have memories, they can help but not to the point that they control everything. I made a New Year resolution not too long ago... to find 3 things that I was grateful for every day.

I'm grateful for my memories. I'm grateful for my health and for my strength that guides me through life.

Monday Medley

I came across this little gem a while ago. Could so identify to it the minute I saw it as sometimes, the dark thoughts are what stop us.

Yes, I tell myself this on a daily basis but hearing it from someone who loves me would be even better. 

The Journey of Processing

I read a post by someone on a running forum that got me thinking. It was all about her journey of processing her new life situation (newly single with a child, she left her marriage) and I thought what a great way to describe what we do almost on a daily basis. Not only in our lives but with our training as well.

Speaking of training, it is going well. I had a blip on Tuesday when my body said run, my mind said no don't. And I listened to it. I had no desire to run whatsoever. So given that I'm not that hardcore about anything, I didn't go. I knew that I would spin the next day and that I would run yesterday.

So I didn't run. And I didn't feel one ounce of guilt. Quite the opposite, it was liberating! But yesterday's run, while being very good, was also tough... I've been lax with my stretching and I'm paying the price with concrete calves. Going uphill didn't help either :)  but I soldiered on and came to the point where I turn left to a beautiful stretch of flat road (beautiful doesn't refer to the surroundings but mostly on surface meaning that I don't go uphill LOL) for a little while then do another left turn and start on the return, a lovely downhill. Not a steep one, just a gentle downhill. It feels good on the legs.

I feel that I'm constantly in a journey of some sort. I'm constantly evolving, changing. I'm never the same and this can prove frustrating to those around me. But this is who I am, I can no more change who I am than I can ask them to change who they are.

So I will continue my journey, one day at a time, one thought at a time, one step at a time. Why? Because I have no choice, it's the way it is. It could be worse... it could be better but it could definitely be worse :)

The end of a love affair...

It’s always a bit depressing when a love affair ends, be it with someone, something like a pair of running shoes that used to be great but the model changed and it just doesn't fit anymore, or a favourite restaurant that over time became so-so and you started going less and less to find yourself one day thinking of a different place to hang out. Or a site, forum, chat room. Or Facebook. The ever present Facebook, the site that can make you or break you. The site that can bring out the worse in people.

I have always been a strong supporter of Facebook. I loved its “instant” connection with people, the communication, information gathering and sometimes the hilarious comments that you’d read on someone’s thread or posted to you. Or the jokes or touching stories that circulate, it was, at the time, a good environment. I felt safe there, loved almost. Then it changed somehow, it became clicky so to speak. You try to be friend with the right crowd. You hang out at a page and you make friends. Some will prove to be invaluable and very important to you. These friends might become friends with your friends. It all becomes a big circle of friends. Some of these friends you will never meet. Many will also be friends in real life. 

Most of these real life people will be nice but some won’t. Some will be petty, envious, always there to say the opposite of what you agree/disagree on. It can be about a race that you find way expensive or a city you'd like to visit. It’s never out in the open, it’s always covered so that if you mention something others will not even be able to find fault in what the other person said. But you know, you know. 

Sometimes you will also make mistakes, like post the wrong thing or forget someone and that person will never, ever forget and will always be there to pick and poke. Or that person will ignore what you say and respond to all except you, or even worse, "like" every comment except yours... ahhh the immaturity of it all...

Very highschool and to my eternal shame, I found myself reacting to it. I don’t know if it’s my hormones but a while ago, after it was pointed out to me that I was a little, ok, VERY prolific with my comments, I decided to take a break and very publicly announced it to the world! Deep down I was so hurt by that comment. Very much so, it cut very deep and made me extremely vulnerable. Under that armour of a smile and looking like I’m THE most flexible person ever, lies a very insecure soul who gets hurt very easily. 

Of course, that break didn’t last long because I wasn’t doing it for the right reason. Yet, the seed of the end was planted. It started to germinate and last night the first leaf started to come out. It was strange because it had very little to do with what was said before. I went out with a group of people from a running group I’m part of. A comment was made about a post I had made about an upcoming race had created a BIG uproar behind the scene. And it might have been the post about me saying “no, not organizing for everyone” that broke the camel’s back so to speak. In any case, apparently a few feathers were ruffled. Yet, nothing on the surface... this made me think... the cliques were hard at work. 

So for some reason I felt like I had been slapped in the face and I just couldn’t be part of it anymore. So when I got home, after checking out FB world and saw the predictable "disagreeing" with what I posted by that person, I deactivated my profile. Just like that. One click and I’ve blended into cyberspace. It’s still somewhere, my photos, witty notes and smart remarks are still alive. They’re just dormant. And I have no intention to waking it up again, at least not for the foreseeable future.

I’ve never liked cliques. They are stifling. They have no soul, no emotions or connections. They tend to discriminate against outsiders. They say “you are not part of us”. This turns me off. And yet, I understand they are an important, and sometimes necessary, dynamic of any group or organization. Yet, I dislike them and they will push me out more than in.

However, I will continue this blog but since I won’t be at the other place, I probably will have more time to devote to it. And this makes me happy, in a quiet way. 

Maybe it’s the beginning of a new love affair...all I know is that although I do miss a few people there, I feel a lot better since I don't belong to that other world.

It should be so easy....

The words say it all...

It should be so easy yet with our fear of rejection, we tend to complicate our lives unnecessarily, at least I know I do.

A new year has started. A lot different than last year in both my state of mind and how I have felt about myself and life. The Christmas period was extremely difficult AND challenging. I have never felt this lonely in my life, even at my darkest moment. I was so down I couldn't read anything that was remotely full of happiness from any of my friends/acquaintances. The walls went up, the barriers got installed and I waited for it to pass.

And it did. And now I feel a little better. Still lonely, still feeling like I'm missing out on life but a little more balanced. It will come back, eventually.