Innocent Bystander

Speaking of training...

2012-01-22T19:00:00.000-08:00

When I started this blog, it was mostly designed to do with running, training and the odd observation about life but then life took over and training, while still continuing, moved to the back. I admit to have lost a bit of perspective due to my loneliness and struggle with my emotions. Now that I'm back to some kind of even keel, I thought of writing about my training a little more.

Today I did one of the most important run of the week, the long slow distance run. This is the run that gives you the training of running for a long time and be able to continue to run when you get tired. These runs are typically done at a slower pace than your race pace but for many people, myself included, they tend to be too fast. I'm very careful about it but don't always manage to attain it. They're typically faster. Still...

When I looked at my training schedule, I decided that it was time to get away from the walking breaks. Yes, I admit there is part of me who wants to be able to run a whole run without breaks. I'm able to do a shorter distance but as soon as I get beyond 10k, I need my breaks. The water stations in Paris are every 5k so it makes sense to train to run my long distance runs with taking breaks at that time. However, since I'm still VERY dependent on the breaks, I decided to gradually build the distance so I don't get injured and/or burn out myself. So far, so good.

HOWEVER, in the last month I have been lax with my stretching. It's better now but the fact that I didn't stretch as well or as often caught up with me a bit. My calves, hamstrings and ITB are very tight. What saved me, I think, is the fact that I do yoga 3 times a week, twice of these times is hot yoga and I want to increase it to 3 times. My body really benefits from this stretching and destressing.

My calves were not happy with me when I did my 6k recovery run nor were they happy with today's run. They feel extremely tight and I fear attempting to stretch then when I run and stop at a traffic light. I'm afraid of ripping them a bit they are that tight. Eventually they losen up but running can be challenging at the beginning. This is also when the mental battle is at its worst. And to me that is the biggest hurdle, the mental battle. The fight that you go through when you race, when you get tired and you want to stop. If I learn to tame the beast it will be easier at the race.

So when I finished today's run, I felt really good even though I had to take a few unscheduled walking breaks. I had tamed the beast... till next weekend...

It's a start :)

The way to live

2012-01-20T12:39:00.000-08:00

Now that I'm firmly into my new life, aka less distractions, I tend to read more books, watch more TV or watch it being more focused would be a more appropriate term :)

I love to read books and decided to devote more time to reading books that appeal to me. So when a friend at work lent me a book called Shanghai Girls by Lisa See and I quickly discovered I love her writing style, I decided to check out her other books. I'm a devoted fan of the library. It's part of our property taxes so why not take as much advantage of it as possible? So off to the library website to get the books. I clicked on a book not by that author but with a subject that interested me.

The storyline is of German who went to Shanghai as refugees while waiting to go to the United States in WW2. The book is written by a girl of 10 who spends the next 9 years waiting to eventually move to the US. Very interesting and descriptive.

From the book:

Memories are wonderful, and we all have them. They are part of us. But we need to treat them like a favorite picture book that we enjoy looking at, and when we close the book, the pictures stay on the pages. If you let the past live your life, then the present has no value, and the future is doomed to failure. Look at what you had, the fine and generous gifts, be grateful for them. but recognize the new gifts coming your way. Live in the present, take what life has to offer, adjust, and if nothing else, make a memory of everything.

I admit that I sometimes go down memory lane to linger and ask myself the very dangerous "what if" question. Dangerous and useless really... So I will strive NOT to let the past live my life. It's good to have memories, they can help but not to the point that they control everything. I made a New Year resolution not too long ago... to find 3 things that I was grateful for every day.

I'm grateful for my memories. I'm grateful for my health and for my strength that guides me through life.

Monday Medley

2012-01-16T08:06:00.000-08:00

I came across this little gem a while ago. Could so identify to it the minute I saw it as sometimes, the dark thoughts are what stop us.

Yes, I tell myself this on a daily basis but hearing it from someone who loves me would be even better.

The Journey of Processing

2012-01-13T12:16:00.000-08:00

I read a post by someone on a running forum that got me thinking. It was all about her journey of processing her new life situation (newly single with a child, she left her marriage) and I thought what a great way to describe what we do almost on a daily basis. Not only in our lives but with our training as well.

Speaking of training, it is going well. I had a blip on Tuesday when my body said run, my mind said no don't. And I listened to it. I had no desire to run whatsoever. So given that I'm not that hardcore about anything, I didn't go. I knew that I would spin the next day and that I would run yesterday.

So I didn't run. And I didn't feel one ounce of guilt. Quite the opposite, it was liberating! But yesterday's run, while being very good, was also tough... I've been lax with my stretching and I'm paying the price with concrete calves. Going uphill didn't help either :) but I soldiered on and came to the point where I turn left to a beautiful stretch of flat road (beautiful doesn't refer to the surroundings but mostly on surface meaning that I don't go uphill LOL) for a little while then do another left turn and start on the return, a lovely downhill. Not a steep one, just a gentle downhill. It feels good on the legs.

I feel that I'm constantly in a journey of some sort. I'm constantly evolving, changing. I'm never the same and this can prove frustrating to those around me. But this is who I am, I can no more change who I am than I can ask them to change who they are.

So I will continue my journey, one day at a time, one thought at a time, one step at a time. Why? Because I have no choice, it's the way it is. It could be worse... it could be better but it could definitely be worse :)

The end of a love affair...

2012-01-11T10:58:00.000-08:00

It’s always a bitdepressing when a love affair ends, be it with someone, something like a pair of running shoes that used to be great but the model changed and it just doesn't fit anymore, or a favourite restaurantthat over time became so-so and you started going less and less to find yourselfone day thinking of a different place to hang out. Or a site, forum, chat room.Or Facebook. The ever present Facebook, the site that can make you or break you. The site that can bring out the worse in people.

I have always been astrong supporter of Facebook. I loved its “instant” connection withpeople, the communication, information gathering and sometimes the hilariouscomments that you’d read on someone’s thread or posted to you. Or the jokes or touching stories that circulate,it was, at the time, a good environment. I felt safe there, loved almost. Then itchanged somehow, it became clicky so to speak. You try to be friend with theright crowd. You hang out at a page and you make friends. Some will prove to be invaluable and very important to you. These friends mightbecome friends with your friends. It all becomes a big circle of friends. Someof these friends you will never meet. Many will also be friends in real life.

Most of these reallife people will be nice but some won’t. Some will be petty, envious, always thereto say the opposite of what you agree/disagree on. It can be about a race thatyou find way expensive or a city you'd like to visit. It’s never out in the open, it’s always covered sothat if you mention something others will not even be able to find fault inwhat the other person said. But you know, you know.

Sometimes you willalso make mistakes, like post the wrong thing or forget someone and that personwill never, ever forget and will always be there to pick and poke. Or thatperson will ignore what you say and respond to all except you, or even worse, "like" every comment except yours... ahhh the immaturity of it all...

Very highschool andto my eternal shame, I found myself reacting to it. I don’t know if it’s myhormones but a while ago, after it was pointed out to me that I was a little, ok, VERY prolific with my comments, I decided to take a break and very publicly announcedit to the world! Deep down I was so hurt by thatcomment. Very much so, it cut very deep and made me extremely vulnerable. Underthat armour of a smile and looking like I’m THE most flexible person ever, liesa very insecure soul who gets hurt very easily.

Of course, that breakdidn’t last long because I wasn’t doing it for the right reason. Yet, the seedof the end was planted. It started to germinate and last night the first leafstarted to come out. It was strange because it had very little to do with what was said before. Iwent out with a group of people from a running group I’m part of. A comment wasmade about a post I had made about an upcoming race had created a BIG uproarbehind the scene. And it might have been the post about me saying “no, notorganizing for everyone” that broke the camel’s back so to speak. In any case,apparently a few feathers were ruffled. Yet, nothing on the surface... thismade me think... the cliques were hard at work.

So for some reason I feltlike I had been slapped in the face and I just couldn’t be part of it anymore.So when I got home, after checking out FB world and saw the predictable "disagreeing" with what I posted by that person, I deactivated my profile. Just like that. One click and I’veblended into cyberspace. It’s still somewhere, my photos, witty notesand smart remarks are still alive. They’re just dormant. And I have no intentionto waking it up again, at least not for the foreseeable future.

I’ve never likedcliques. They are stifling. They have no soul, no emotions or connections. Theytend to discriminate against outsiders. They say “you are not part of us”.This turns me off. And yet, I understand they are an important, and sometimes necessary, dynamicof any group or organization. Yet, I dislike them and they will push meout more than in.

However, I will continue this blog butsince I won’t be at the other place, I probably will have more time to devote toit. And this makes me happy, in a quiet way.

Maybe it’s the beginning of a newlove affair...all I know is that although I do miss a few people there, I feel a lot better since I don't belong to that other world.

It should be so easy....

2012-01-03T10:26:00.000-08:00

The words say it all...

It should be so easy yet with our fear of rejection, we tend to complicate our lives unnecessarily, at least I know I do.

A new year has started. A lot different than last year in both my state of mind and how I have felt about myself and life. The Christmas period was extremely difficult AND challenging. I have never felt this lonely in my life, even at my darkest moment. I was so down I couldn't read anything that was remotely full of happiness from any of my friends/acquaintances. The walls went up, the barriers got installed and I waited for it to pass.

And it did. And now I feel a little better. Still lonely, still feeling like I'm missing out on life but a little more balanced. It will come back, eventually.

Run with Pride; Finish with Poise

2011-12-31T14:42:00.000-08:00

I read this on a Facebook page I frequent regularly. It's full of runners that are so supportive and encouraging and many are in the gushing stages of becoming a runner. I love to wander there and read the amazing stories, very inspiring. This phrase today struck a chord with me:

Run with Pride; Finish with Poise

So true. Run your race, run what you trained for, take pride in what you can accomplish. Finish strong and try as much as you can to finish with dignity even if your legs, feet, arms, back, tummy are killing you. I want to use this mantra as much as possible. I will be able to put that one to the test tomorrow, even though it is NOT a timed run, it's a fun run, it's a run to welcome the new year.

But I will definitely run with pride and finish with poise even if that poise is throwing both arms in the air yelling YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!

The Invitation

2011-12-14T12:26:00.000-08:00

While doing some cleanup on my computer (amazing how much one accumulate when one doesn't see it...) I came across this little gem called The Invitation. I was exposed to the book very briefly and I have been thinking about it more of late, I think I may have to see if I can borrow it from the library... The last sentence is the most powerful of them.

The Invitation

Itdoesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

Iwant to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting yourheart’s longing.

Itdoesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk lookinglike a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

Itdoesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. It want to know if youhave touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’sbetrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. Iwant to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hideor fade it or fix it.

Iwant to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance withwildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toeswithout cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember thelimitations of being human.

Itdoesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know ifyou can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear theaccusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.

Iwant to know if you can see beauty, even when it’s not pretty, every day, andif you can source your own life from its presence.

Iwant to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand onthe edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

Itdoesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I wantto know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, wearing andbruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

Itdoesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know ifyou will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

Itdoesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to knowwhat sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

Iwant to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like thecompany you keep in the empty moments.

The runners high

2011-12-09T12:03:00.001-08:00

Anyone who is into sports will be able to relate to the exhilaration that one feels when the endorphins are finally released in the bloodstream. This feeling will give you either an extra push in your legs or the strength to lift heavier weights or just feel so bloody happy and giggly. I've experienced all of these sensations and many a times will be able to almost recreate them just by talking about running or reliving a certain race. My eyes sparkle, my smile broaden, my energy level increases. I truly love exercise.

And not only running although IS my main focus. But spinning, yoga, body pump (NOT pushups though... hate these with a passion, I prefer planks over pushups). I don't get as much on the machines like elliptical or plain stationery bike. Nah, I need a class environment, music, an instructor that yells "come on! 10 more seconds! You can DO IT!!!"..... ahhh nothing like hearing this to make you think "I can give you 10 more seconds, yes, I can do that" :) The feeling is so intense when you finish. You are completely spent thinking it was so hard this time but dammit, you did it! And that's exactly when my endorphins kick in. That is when I think I'm damn good at this.

I always leave the spin room feeling great. Tired but great. It's how I also feel about running. It is not easy, oh goodness it is not easy. There aren't too many runs that are fluid, no sensation, just a feeling of floating on air putting one foot in front of the other. Noooo... running takes energy. You spend energy. You get high but you definitely spend energy to get there.

I haunt a Facebook page called I <3 (symbol for heart) Running, a page where many come to gush about their love of running, sometimes ask a question or share their doubts or shout out loud about their successes. There is also the odd person who post a ridiculous quote like "do or die" as in run or die. Some of these black/white type of quotes do absolutely nothing to me. In fact, they disturb me because so many people take them at face value and will push, push, push to the utter limit of themselves without a concern for their health. Unbalanced and dangerous to say the least.

But one thing that is apparent from many posts on that page is that many many have the runners high, especially at the beginning. It's like they never have enough! They breathe, eat, drink running. They can't stop thinking about it, they want their drug, they cannot function without their run... I used to be like this during my first year or so of running. Now I'm like oh you poor thing... there is more to life than just running. An addiction is an addiction, no matter what. I now prefer to be balanced, not as fast but in good health and not injured. At least I can continue getting my fix rather than raging because I'm sidelined AGAIN due to a recurring injury.

But it's heart warming to see so many people are picking up this wonderful sport. I sincerely hope that many will transfer this love of running to their children so they can in turn become good runners and continue the cycle of good health caused by exercise. So bring on the runners high! What a feeling!!!

Never give up

2011-12-05T12:53:00.001-08:00

I have been called determined many times in my life. I like that characteristic. It’s better thanstubborn in my opinion...determined is more positive, you want to succeed andyet you know that if it’s stupid, dangerous or just plain silly, you’ll letit go.

Being determinedmakes things happen, the ones that are supposed to happen though. Not what isnot meant to be. What is not meant to happen will NOT happen no matter what orhow you try to make it happen. That’s when stubbornness comes into play.

On Saturday I wasinvited to a fund raising event hosted by a few friends. Since I knew some inthe group and therefore wouldn’t be on my own, I accepted to go (my friendwas the auctioneer). I hadn’t seen many of them in a long time and I was therecipient, a very happy recipient too, of a lot of praise for the way I looked.Ok, this made me happy. In a superficial, ego stroking kind of way. Who doesn’tlike to be told they look good? Even though it’s not my main goal, I’ve workedhard for the body I have and it feels good when positive feedback is received.

But while I wasreceiving the compliments, part of me was also very happy that I am adetermined person. Determination is what keeps me going, make me go to theclasses, continue to run even though it’s so hard sometimes. Never cease toamaze me just how it can be tough for the first 5k, my head is full of darkthoughts, my legs are stiff, achy, not painful but the left leg is definitelyin need of TLC. Then just like magic, all settles and I am actually having goodthoughts, I have fun, I look around me and feel good. And then I think yes, thisis it, this is why you do it. And it’s one run, one yoga class, one pedalstroke on that bike closer to my goal. Sometimes when I run and I have my darkmoments, I keep telling myself that it will get better, it always does getbetter and to trust myself. Self doubt is huge for me but I’m getting better.

I have problemsapplying this to my personal life though. I keep thinking that I will nevermeet anyone, that love will not find me, that nobody will approach me because Igive this harsh vibe and that they don’t want to be with me. But I get looks,guys look at me on the street, I’m not ugly, I can still get a second look. It’sjust not happening right now and a small part of me is accepting this now. I amdetermined but not stubborn... It will happen, just not at this present moment.But soon, one day. I know it will. We’ll find each other and it will be great. I’mnot ready to give up, not just yet.

Reassessing life

2011-11-29T06:25:00.001-08:00

Last week I put together a training/cross training schedule for the Paris Marathon. While I had a few "successful" marathons last year, I definitely could improve both in time and in how I felt towards the end of the race. I never hit the wall per se but fatigue definitely played a major role in how I felt at the 30k mark. This is due to not enough mileage. Not enough mileage. Not junk miles, recovery, steady, easy kilometres. They are as important as the hard stuff, tempo/speed/hills and to a large extend, the long slow distance run that we have to do every week. I also decided NOT to do any race during my training cycle. They are TOO demanding on my body. Yes, they can be good to determine where you're at fitness wise but I prefer not to risk an injury.

So I looked at what I wanted to do and it looked like this:

Monday - recovery spin class followed by YogaFit Sweat
Tuesday - tempo run with the Running Rats. Start with 6k, eventually go to 10k
Wednesday - body pump
Thursday - run with Lululemon crowd but eventually do it on my own when hills training starts
Friday - marathon pace run. Start with 6k, gradually increase to 10k
Saturday - hot yoga
Sunday - LSD run follow schedule with cut back weeks.

A friend, who has run many marathons AND two Ironman, pointed out that there is absolutely NO rest days in this schedule. At first I thought, noooo there is! there is! When he asked... I looked and sure enough, there isn't one single day I'm not doing something fitness related. No wonder I crash every month or so... LOL

So I tweaked the schedule and it now looks like this:

Monday - hot yoga
Tuesday - tempo run with the Running Rats. Start with 6k, eventually go to 10k
Wednesday - body pump/spinning alternating weeks
Thursday - run with Lululemon crowd but eventually do it on my own when hills training starts
Friday - marathon pace run. Start with 6k, gradually increase to 10k
Saturday - hot yoga
Sunday - LSD run follow schedule with cut back weeks.

So while there isn't THAT much of a change when you look at it, I will have in effect, two days of rest from any active fitness. The 1 hour hot yoga, even though does work the legs and arms, is in an environment that allows me to make it as gentle or as active as I want. And I do want to expose myself to as much heat/humidity as possible as it is something my body is not used to and it has impacted on my performance.

Training will start Sunday, December 11. I'm not sure with whom I will run, the marathon clinic starts in early January so I may run with them, adjusting my distances. I want to put in a few kms of marathon pace in the mix so may do this on my own after they turn around to go back and I have to continue for another 10k or so. I believe the lack of marathon pace is what hurt me last time. I had no clue!

Reassessing training also applies to life. I still carry with me so much garbage from my past and it's when I expect it the least that it rears it's ugly head. This song brought it all back into perspective for me.

http://youtu.be/sHnkHW-zf0c

The most important thing in life is love. Never give up about love. Just as I never gave up about running, I cannot give up about love.

Marquis de Sade - facing the challenge

2011-11-27T13:42:00.001-08:00

When I started running in 2008, I learned about an event that happens every year at the High Park Running Room location. It's a half marathon that contains 17 hills (or 18 as was reported...) and plenty of challenge. My running buddy and I had thought about doing it but quickly changed our mind when we realized that 17 hills is a lot of hills indeed! It was put on the back burner.

Fast forward to this year. I met someone in October and the guy was into running. One day as we were texting, he mentioned that run and suggested we do it. I jumped at the chance to do it. So a group of friends decided to do it as well. The store offered two training runs where we could get acquainted with the route and in some ways get to know what was ahead of us. I'm glad we did it. I'm not a strong runner so I knew what I needed to work on.

Day of race came up, I had my usual oatmeal and espresso. I packed up a lot of gels (I ended up only taking two) and we made our way to the RR. The place is packed. 50 people came to take up the challenge. We are told there will be goodies for us at the end and we would ALL get a button that says "I whipped the Marquis de Sade" with today's date. Well, I have to say that THIS button is what kept me going for the whole thing.

So we all set off, I'm firmly at the back. I do not want to make the classic mistake of starting too fast. There are enough twists and turns as well as hills to humble you. I'm not there for the time, I'm there to complete it. My start doesn't happen as smoothly as I had hoped. I'm struggling a little bit. I always look at others and think just how easier it seems to be for them, people are chatting up a storm and I can but I know that this will kill my energy. It's raining and the rain will NOT stop for the entire run. There are hills that I entirely run, there are some I walk half of it. A friend positioned herself at various points with her cowbell and camera. I am so thankful for her support.

My running buddy quickly got ahead of us and I'm not too bothered by it. He wants to do well. I just want to do :) so I stayed with my running partner, Nada, who told me again and again at the beginning that I had to do my own race. I responded that my race was the same as hers. I honestly would not have been able to do it on my own, I would have given up. We finally reach the halfway mark. Eventually we catch up to a few friends from the Running Room. We ran together until the end.

The last hill was finally conquered and all we had left to do was turn left, run a few hundred meters, cross the road and come back. We were the last two to come in. Our time was 2:39. There were a few goodies left, we collected our button but there was a bit of bad news, there were too many people for what they had expected so the store manager took our information to send it to us. I was lucky that one of my friend who didn't complete it (he is not feeling 100%) gave me his. What a lovely gesture it was.

I feel so victorious that I conquered that challenge because for ME it was a tough run, something that brought me out of my comfort zone and I met the challenge head on. It was NOT easy but I can say that I whipped the Marquis de Sade.

I will sleep well tonight. Tomorrow is only hot yoga as a recovery, no spinning.

DA plan...

2011-11-26T05:44:00.001-08:00

Well, the dating plan hasn't quite materialized the way I figured it would. Again, not new. A saying keeps floating in my mind every time I "think" something is going to happen.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.

So effin true. Why on earth do I continue to haunt online dating sites when it's clearly not working? Good question... I've asked myself this so many times in the last few years, it's almost becoming a joke. But I'll give it a try. Bear in mind that these are VERY real feelings, they are mine and when I jump outside of my body (yes, I am THAT good LOL) and look at it from an outside perspective, I shake my head and think "oh you poor sweetie... you know it will happen when you least expect it, let it go, don't push so hard, etc., etc, etc..." yes, I've heard it all. I've said it all too. And yet, you'll find me thinking that maybe, just maybe this time it will be different.

So back to why I do it. Mainly it is because I think that if I don't continue I give up, simply give up on any hope of a relationship. I give up thinking that a partner would be wonderful to have in my life. Give up hoping. Look at the rest of my life and see only one silhouette, mine, walking into the sunset. Going to sleep alone and waking up alone. Never holding hands with anyone ever again. Never getting a hug from someone other than a friend on "Hug a Runner Day" once a year. I will dry inside, I will be an empty shell. A happy, content and seemingly well adjusted shell.

And for the life of me, I cannot let this happen.

Make no mistake, I am happy, happy deep inside, not just the outside fluff, I live a good life, I have fantastic people around me. I'm blessed. Truly blessed. I live comfortably, I can buy stuff without sacrificing something else. I can live in a good neighborhood, I can walk to and from work. I am healthy, I can run, spin, do yoga. I can afford a gym membership. I can afford to plan a trip to Paris next year as well as a race in Chicago. But a part of me is afraid of sending this "desperate for a relationship" vibe so maybe I'm overcompensating by being uber independent and maybe this is sending a wrong message.

So the online stuff has yielded mixed results, as always. Some that I thought had potential either turned out to be totally weird, one thought we were IN a relationship after 2 conversations on messenger. No meeting, just chat online. HUH??? another one stood me up and said he had no internet contact to let me know yet he did get my cell phone number in an earlier message. Clearly he wasn't that interested in meeting.

Then another bunch of first contact but no follow up. Yes, frustrating.

The meetup has not happened yet due to various circumstances and or focus. One of my friend has seen her workplace relocated to an area that requires about 2 hours to travel almost each way so is concentrating on finding another position back in the downtown core. This is something I totally support as there is no way in hell I'd commute 2 hours out of my day to go to work. But it takes up a lot of time/effort so going out is not high on her agenda. And I don't like to do these things on my own.

So I will continue to think about insanity and wonder if men will ever get it... that an independent woman can indeed be a great companion instead of a threat.

I think I may just go for a run instead :)

The age thing...

2011-11-04T07:24:00.000-07:00

I had a chat with a friend not too long ago about the age issue, more specifically in dating. His formula is half his age plus 7 years. He wants someone younger, maybe because he wants to have more children or he feels more comfortable being older. No matter what his reasons, this is what works for him. There is no right or wrong in what we are looking for in a mate.

The world of dating has changed and depending on how you look at it, not too much for the better. Society still look down on women who are either extremely independent, not needy at all and who are in touch with their bodies, sexuality, fitness and know what they want.

I've dated many different men in my life, younger and older than me. I've dated idiots and men with many emotional issues. Of course, I went through my own issues, probably not at the same time so that made for very interesting relationships. I have my share of "what the fuck were you thinking?" moments when I stop and start thinking about a certain relationship. Yes what's in the past is in the past but there are times when it comes to the surface long enough to make me cringe.

Of all the men I dated, I prefer younger than me. I don't know why, sometimes it's a question of energy, outlook on life, life expectancy perhaps. Or maybe it is that I prefer a guy who looks young. So if I take my friend's formula on the age thing, my ideal man would be 33, or 20 years younger than me. Mmm... that's a bit young because that decade is usually all about career building and let's face it, some will be pretty immature... but still. I'm thinking more 40s than 30s.

One thing that works against me is that I do not look my age. Sure I have wrinkles and my tummy is not as smooth as a 25 yr old. I can't produce children and I can't stay up all night. My hair is grey and needs to be coloured on a regular basis, I'm beginning to see age spots on my hands and although that blasted menopause is taking a long time to arrive, it is around the corner and will eventually happen with all the changes that it entails. But I have energy, far more energy than the average 53 yr old woman. I've dealt with my emotional issues. I don't need a man to feel complete, I can live on my own and be happy.

So why no mate? Why no men lining up at my door, clamoring for my favours? I dunno... maybe it's because I find it difficult to feel any attraction whatsoever to a guy who looks 20 years older than me? Maybe it is because when I'm out with a prospective date, trying again and again to see if there is chemistry my eyes are drawn to the guy at the bar who looks 20 years younger than the guy I'm sitting across from? I know that looks are not all there is in life and that personality is more important but at the same time it's how I feel that makes it that I'm interested int that person. This is what makes me develop feelings. I dated someone who was at the opposite end of the spectrum in the type of guy I usually go for. Not into fitness, looking much older and yet, there was something about him that I adored. It was the way he was treating me. He was gentle, quiet, interested. He had a wonderful sense of humour, he didn't try to "educate" me, he thought I was the sexiest, most attractive woman he had met. He was very good at small talk which is probably why I gave him a second, then third chance. It was fluid with us. There were silences but even these were fantastic.

Alas, he was married to his work so eventually things fell apart. A great loss with a heart broken into a million of pieces but life decided that it was the way it was to be. I'm much better now but it took me a long time to recover from this and some scars might never completely heal.

But this is not a post about self-pity.... back to the age thing. While I don't discount someone older than me, what interest me most is personality. If I could meet someone with the perfect personality for ME it would be awesome. A plan has been put in place...

More to come, stay tuned...

Giving back to the running community

2011-11-02T18:27:00.000-07:00

When I was injured last year, I learned a valuable lesson in being a runner. Giving is as important, if not more therapeutic than running itself. Ok, I'm pushing a bit here as I do remember my first pain free run after 6 long months of constant pain. I was crying and laughing at the same time. Yes, it was THAT powerful. But I digress...

So while I was sidelined, I discovered the power of helping others. I became a running nanny for my friends, I was the person who was driving them to races, picking up race kits, holding sweaters, offering water, taking the ever important picture at the finish line. I was the ear they needed when they wanted to dissect the race, the voice of reason when they needed guidance and the reminder to eat/hydrate well before a race or a practice run.

I also cheered for my friends, nothing is better than seeing a familiar face in the crowd, it gives you wings! So when many people in the running community decided to run the upcoming Road2Hope Marathon in Hamilton, I waffled as to run it but cooler heads prevailed and I decided to cheer instead.

So I will be there, on Sunday morning with my mitts, my cowbell, my camera and my best voice to cheer them coming through the finish line. It feels good to do it.

I can't wait!

Friendships

2011-10-30T06:01:00.000-07:00

I've had many friendships in my life and some have stood the test of time, many haven't. I know it's part of the life cycle and it's meant to be this way but I always feel a sense of rejection when a friendship comes to an end. Sometimes it's in your face with a big blowout and you retreat in respective corners, being hurt but somehow the lines of communications, even if they appear broken, remain because there is some unfinished business. Then there re the subtle ones, the one that just... die.... like that. One day you realize that there hasn't been communication in a while and even though you can still continue about your day you realize that the other person is perfectly happy, just as you might be. And you start seeing what happened with you with another person. So you say "ahhh... ok. Got it." and you move on. Just like that.

I used to go through hoops trying to please people so they would like me and a big part of me is still tempted to do that but I'm just too tired to go chasing people. It's not worth the effort. I will not suck up to anyone to either be part of a circle, a group, or someone's life. I want to continue to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I want to continue being able to pay for my bills instead of desperately trying to fit in the richer crowd.

I'm not bitter about the person I used to be close friend with, not really. There were many things that contributed to it, distance, life, state of mind, what we like and so forth. And I know that there might be a time when the connection will reappear and I will be happy to see it happen. It will be different and maybe that's what it is all about in the cycle of life. Some relationships are meant to go this route to emerge on the other side and still make you happy.

Meanwhile, I continue to go my own way, just as I have always done. Because at the end of the day, my very best friend, myself, will never let me down.

Odds and ends...

2011-10-24T10:37:00.000-07:00

Been toying with a lot of stuff this past weekend so this is my attempt at sorting some of it out.

The weekend started well with the marathon clinic wrap up party. Always a good event, it was great to see everyone and to watch the video created from the months of training. Inspiring for sure and made me look forward to the next marathon clinic summer 2012. Our goal race will be Chicago, one of the 5 major races that all runners must do at least once in their life.

Of course, yours truly woke up with a slight hangover so hot yoga class was very much needed. One must sweat all this alcohol... as well as drink lots and lots of water. While walking to the gym, my sometimes running buddy/gym partner and I chatted about how well we do when we're accountable to someone re training and/or weight loss. Like me, he's struggling with motivation and will power. So we decided to create a page on Facebook where we could all meet and share our training/weight loss battle, whatever works for us. This is a place where we can find inspiration, encouragement, and a place where we can't lie because if we lie, it's only to ourselves.

Armed with the motivation to get thing started, we went ahead and created the page. We now have 19 members and I think it will be great. Of course, when you start thinking about what you eat/do it becomes a little more involved than you thought it would. Still, it's a good exercise.

That evening I decided to join the marathon group for their run, doing a distance that would work for me so 16k was the distance I was comfortable tackling. Don't really want to push myself but I was happy to head out again on a Sunday morning. It was a bit of a bummer though as I had hoped to hear back from a guy I met last weekend but as it turned out, he hadn't received my email response.

Yes, the dating front seems to be heating up a little bit. Met a guy who is into running and who is training for the Alcatraz Triathlon in San Francisco in 2012. Impressive... so we met for coffee last Saturday, beer on Wednesday and were supposed to go running on Sunday. But since he didn't get my email, we didn't firm up the plans. I'm hoping to work something out in a few weeks.

So I head out yesterday morning to the Running Room. Many are there, it's great, the weather is fantastic, sunny, dry, not much wind. Perfect condition for a great run. We had received a route the day before but a group had decided to do an out/back along the Lakeshore instead. I'm sporting my new Adidas top I purchased the day before, grey with pink arm warmers. They worked out great, love them. We then went to Tim Horton's to have a recovery drink (I had hot chocolate) and to talk about running, our fellow runners, various races and crazy stuff we do as runners. Great camaraderie. Then it was time to go home and rest before heading out to dinner at friends' home. Perfect ending to the perfect weekend.

So today is the start of the new fitness routine. I have updated it again... and like anything else, it is subject to change. Here's the new schedule:

Monday: Spinning followed by YogaFit Sweat (Goodlife - 137 Yonge Street location)
Tuesday: Running with the Rats (my tempo run)
Wednesday: Body Pump (Goodlife McCaul/Queen Street location)
Thursday: Running with the Lululemon
Friday: Running - MP starting at 6k building up to 10k
Saturday: Hot Yoga
Sunday: LSD run

I had decided to switch spinning from Monday to Thursday and do Body Pump on the Monday but the gym doesn't have that class that day. Grrr... But I think this schedule will work out ok after all. I just have to remember to take it easier for the first few weeks as my body will need time to adjust to the new workouts.

But I'm excited to get going for sure. I want to feel good in my clothes, especially after buying a new dress on Saturday!

Resisting Temptation

2011-10-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

I'm in between training cycles and many of my friends have asked me to run a race and I was starting to waver as to doing it but then I realized that although it WOULD be fun to run it, it would also put my body at risk for an injury and jeopardize my training for Paris. I wouldn't forgive myself if this was to happen. So I decided to be a smart runner and go cheering instead.

But I have to say that the temptation was very real.... very very real...

Meanwhile, I will go for a run tomorrow with the group. I miss them!

Change of name but not of identity

2011-10-19T13:00:00.000-07:00

Even though I decided a little while ago that although I had completed a marathon, retaining the Marathoner-in-Training title for my blog made more sense as I always learn as a runner. But yesterday during my recovery walk, I changed my mind after seeing a boat with that name. I thought... self, what a great name. This will force you to address issues that are not necessarily related to running even though the blog might be mostly about running.

So there ya go, a new name, not a new identity but maybe a new direction. Cause life is not only about running, I want to recapture the balance between it all once more.

Yesterday I decided to stay home and recover from my second marathon on Sunday. I had asked for the day off on Monday but work got in the way and I had to come in. I wasn't happy with it so after spending the day groaning every time I stood up or sat down and knowing my boss wouldn't be in, I decided to NOT put the alarm on and simply send my boss an email in the morning saying that I would stay home that day. So after getting up at a relatively good hour, thank in part to the cat who let me sleep a little bit, I was getting stuff done and feeling pretty good. Eventually in the afternoon, I ventured outside for a walk. I knew it would be slow but oh my goodness... talk about quads made of lead... I was shuffling really. It was a challenge to go fast, even to lift my legs too high. This made for very funny but not too embarrassing moments like almost tripping over uneven ground or grimacing when I had to lift my leg too high to climb a curb. Or go fast through an intersection. Ouch ouch ouch!

I finally made it to the beach where I was able to relax, sit and soak up the peaceful atmosphere of being near the water. There is something so very soothing about the water. I love it even though it scare the shit out of me. While contemplating the beautiful view, I was able to do a lot of thinking and to come to term with many things, let go of some of the last 2 years and contemplate my future with a brighter smile.

A phrase I saw on my Facebook wall kept resonating within me all through the day:

"At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart... but not in your life."

I'm not sure what's ahead for me in my life but whatever happens will happen for a reason and will only be good.

To the new me :)

3 weeks later...

2011-10-18T06:41:00.000-07:00

I completed my second marathon. Yes, I did what they tell you NOT to do or at least be careful about, as in your body is not entirely recovered and is more prone to injury. So being the good runner that I am, when I came back from Montreal and was offered the chance to run Scotiabank I said no way!!! then came the "well... I could do the half"... The plan was to change the distance to the half but the race sold out before we could do it. Mmm... dilemma... start the race and decide when it's time to take the half marathon exit where I go or do the full, no questions asked.

Sylvie The Cautious decided for the first alternative then my other half, the crazy one, decide to do the full. I could do it IF I didn't put any expectations and/or pressure. So I very quietly decided to do the full. When exposed to the question, announcing it to people meant that I was subjecting myself to the two camps. The "OMG you're crazy, be careful" and the "YOU GO GIRL!!". There was also the quiet ones, the ones with the knowing smile thinking I'd bonk and injure myself. I decided what the hell it's my body and I am smart enough to stop IF and when it becomes too much. And I very nearly did... I have to say it was a tough race.

So without further ado, my second marathon race report.

Weeks leading to the race, I was able to do solid tempo and race pace runs. I was eating well, sleep was plentiful, I felt good. Then Friday night, I had a nightmare. I couldn't make it to the start line on time, I kept crying at every street corners we had to stop on our way to the start. I was soooo sad. Woke up feeling very unsettled. I was thinking that the race was beginning to mean too much to me. Then I did hot yoga and all was good in the world again.

Morning of race: My race kit is all ready but like always I fuss. And as always, appetite is NOT there so must force myself to eat my oatmeal with maple syrup and banana. Meet my running buddy at 7:15 and we make it to the meeting point at 8 am. Runners from the clinic are there, but not ready to take group pictures. We end up not being in them because we had to go back to the baggage check. We finally make it to our respective corrals. I'm in the purple but I decide to sneak to the front and tried to locate the 4:40 pace bunny, couldn't find him! Finally it's time to move. It took us 9 minutes to reach the start line.

As I'm running/walking I feel a hand on my shoulder and it's my friend Nada who is doing the half. We both wish each other a great race and I'm off. I finally locate the pace bunny. He forgot his sign at home. I spot one friend who had promised hugs so I make a beeline to get hug #1. I get very emotional at this point and we haven't even crossed the 1km mark yet! Crowds are large and noisy, we feel happy, we started our journey. This is MY neighborhood, my people, they're there to cheer us on, we feel like elites! I spot my coaches, say hello, I'm feeling positive that the race will go well.

We turn and get on the Lakeshore, not a pretty sight but well, this is downtown so we must use what's available. Crowds have thinned out a bit and we're not running on top of each other anymore, that's good. Pace is good, mood is too. All systems go. Weather is perfect: overcast, a bit chilly but windy. This would come back to bite us in the ass at the end. I see my friend again so hug #2 :) We pass the 10k mark, 1/4 done. After a long while, we finally get to our first turn around. Pace is still good, following the pace bunny is great, working out well. It's cold and my frozen fingertips have problems screwing the bottle cap back on and it falls off. Dammm... I don't want to stop to pick it up so I continue. I'm running without water, just a bottle that I get refilled every once in a while.

We finally get to the half marathon and marathon separation. No turning back, I'm officially doing the marathon. We go to our right, say goodbye to a few people who followed us and start the second part of our journey. At one point, I again meet some of my running peeps there to cheer us on. Hug #3 is on its way. Ahhh... I love hugs and I miss them so much...

We finally enter a boring section of the race. Very uninspiring and I'm getting tired. At kilometre 26, I say goodbye to the 4:40 pace bunny and the group. I need to take more breaks. This is a race to have fun, not to kill myself. So I run 10 minutes, walk 10 minutes. I keep hoping to see a friend who had promised to be there to cheer us on then discover she made a sign for me. What a lift! I ran to her, we collide and she is as excited as I am to see her. I start again, feeling stronger!

From 28k to 32k I do a lot of walking in addition to running. I'm still able to do my 10 minutes of running so this is helping. Coming up Kingston Road, I see the Lululemon stop but there aren't many Lulus left there... too cold, too windy but it's ok, it's not always fun to stay for the back of the pack. But from that point on I'm on auto pilot. I run as much as I can then I walk for 10 minutes maximum. Crowd support is very strong in the Beach area. I get a lot of encouragement, some "looking good Princess", all make me smile and give me the wings that I'm missing. The wind is picking up on the return, oh the wind... awful. We finally leave Queen Street and turn left on Kingston Road and I get hug #5 from a race marshall. I catch up to a few runners from the clinic, one of them is struggling but has a fantastic pacer with her who kept chanting like a mantra left/right/left/right to give her the cadence. She's soldiering on and I totally admire her steely determination, I'm not sure I would have it in me. We keep passing each other, when I walk they pass me, when I run I pass them. At this point, I'm in the "to the traffic light, to the overpass, to the next traffic light" stage. I'm not hurting, I'm simply tired. After all, I have run my first marathon 3 weeks before, my mileage wasn't high and I'm not experienced! I'm still happy, I'm not worried. But I am getting fed up with my Garmin, it died at the 39k mark. Bloody hell!!!

At Broadview/Eastern I hear my name and I realize it's another race marshall on her bike, Lisa Hagglund, one of my half marathon coach. I go to her and get hug #6 :) I really got lucky at that race... 6 hugs! we joke around that it feels like the Running Room on a Sunday morning! this gives me energy.

High Fives!!!

As I come up Eastern to the DVP overpass, I spot my marathon coach, Larry, who is there to take pics and to give us some much needed encouragement. I will forever be grateful for him to have been there AT THAT TIME, it was so uplifting. He tells me to keep up, my form is flawless, get to the top of the hill, use the descent to gather momentum, there will be a crowd wating for us. I wave goodbye and I'm off... I know I only have about 2.5kms left to go. We're there. Give my water bottle to the last water station and I take off. From that point on it's go, go, go. As I get to Jarvis, I overtake Eva then spot Amy who is waiting for us, she is shouting encouragements, she is running with us, she is giving me strength. Then I see the group, our very own cheerleading squad at Church. What a wonderful sight. I will never, ever forget this. Then I really take off. I have less than 1km to go. I hear my name, I hear Princess, I see a few familiar faces, at this point all I can think of is "don't do a face plank, don't trip". I give all I have left in the tank, which wasn't much... I cross the finish line feeling estatic, smiling like I had won first prize!

Official time: 4:56:50

Yes, truly a princess :)

What a great race. Although it was tough and I did question my sanity in doing it, I think I would have kicked myself a lot if I had decided to be uber cautious. Now I rest. I did a short recovery run yesterday and realized that although it was great to be out there, it was a bit much. So spinning on Thursday, yoga on Saturday and running will resume next week.

Keeping up with the running joneses

2011-10-10T07:03:00.000-07:00

I read a very interesting blog today about keeping up with running peeps or at least comparing yourself and, inevitably, determine that you are either not good or not worthy of calling yourself a runner. Ahhh... the mere word can send shiver down your spine doesn't it? What determine a runner?

Obviously, someone who run is a runner but what about someone who does the Jeff Galloway method of running/walking? This method has proven to have enabled runners to go longer distances. Yet, some "runners" scoff at the mere mention of "taking a break" like it's a failure. You are, in their eyes, not worthy of calling yourself a runner (yes, I have seen it posted in a running group on Facebook, needless to say, I left the group). Well, to this I say "fuck you"...

Yes, it can be frustrating to try breaking the magic numbers: the 30 minutes for a 5k, 60 minutes for a 10k, 2 hour for a half and that ever elusive 4 hour for a marathon... for new runners, these are the benchmarks of what constitute a "good runner". If you take longer than that, you're not as good. You're good but not "as good/fast as x person or the average". While I was totally happy that I broke the mark for the 5k and the 10k, it certainly didn't mean I was "bad" before and I suddenly became "good". No, it meant that my training went well, the conditions were perfect, I pushed myself to get there. But I was good before and I'm still good after :)

I don't compare myself to other runners. I tend to do it in other areas but not running. Someone runs a 3:30 marathon and I am happy to hear of her accomplishment. I joke around but I'm not envious. Why should I be? I don't care that they are 1 1/2 hour faster than me. So be it :) I am me, a runner and now, a marathoner. But it does bug me when someone says "oh such and such person did a x time at their race and I "ONLY" did x time" I want to slap them, tell them that instead of bemoaning how much slower they did and/or more improvement they should do, they should rejoice in the knowledge that they are doing something that is fantastic and they should be very proud of it.

Now if I could apply this to my other life I'd be golden :)

Recovering

2011-10-06T07:38:00.000-07:00

So my marathon was 1 1/2 week away and, according to some, you're "supposed" to rest for one day per mile so in my case, 26 days. Some define rest as being on the couch eating potato chips while others think a short recovery run is just what the doctor prescribed. While I didn't run, I walked a lot and also did the potato chip eating, and the butter tarts eating, and fast food eating... yes, I did it all. By the 4th day I was fed up with it, wanted to run but I didn't. I decided to wait. Instead I went to hot yoga on Saturday.

Monday was the return to my usual routine so spin class followed by YogaFit Sweat, a vinyasa yoga in a room slightly cooler than hot yoga so 94 degrees instead of the 104. I like it because it increases my tolerance to hot conditions. I admit to have to force myself sometimes but I am convinced that it will pay off in the end.

Tuesday I decided to head over to the Running Room to do a tempo(ish) run with the clinic. I had no idea how well it would go so was happy to head out prior to the clinic with two fellow runners. First km was good, then tightness came on, stayed with me for a km or so then it loosened up nicely. I was very happy to have them with me as I'm not sure how well that would have gone if I had been on my own. We finished strong. I felt good.

So yesterday I was even more looking forward to running while remaining cautious... after all you hear about the injuries that creep up after a marathon because someone returned to running too fast, too soon, too much. Then I started doubting just how well I did my marathon... did I push? no I didn't. That I know. I didn't want to because I wanted that experience to be good. I wanted to finish it and want to do another one. Will I push one day? Probably. But not right now.

Right now I have to recover while doing a bit of marathon pace running. Because I have another race to do. Yes, I decided to do another marathon. Shhhh don't tell me... 2 marathons in a month is too much. I know, I know... and I'd be the first one to tell someone they're crazy to do that. But... but... but... this one won't be a race, it will be a run. I will have fun, I will take pictures, I will high five every single person who will offer me their hand. I will be happy, I will rejoice in the knowledge that I can do this. And then I will rest, promise.

Because I have to think of the big prize, Paris.

Estimating your time

2011-10-03T11:36:00.000-07:00

Man that reverse taper really plays trick on my mind... with all this free time, I'm finding myself dissecting my past training and performance. Not that I'm unhappy with it but I'm reading everywhere about how you can be leading to a race and start thinking about what goal you want to accomplish.

I've never made a secret that when I started thinking about doing a marathon, 5 hours was what I was shooting for. Then I ran with the marathon group in the spring and was keeping pace with the 4:15 group, only to all apart when they did their race pace LOL Chatting with the summer coach at one of the weekly runs, he told me that I could indeed shoot for a 4:30 goal time.

Once we did our time trial, I did 1:01 for a 10k and this was a struggle as it was hooooot and humid. So I did my training with the 4:30 group. Heat/humidity not helping, my training was challenging. I love cooler weather. I'm a cold weather runner...

My race was 4:51 and change... I had to do a pit stop and walked A LOT between the 34k and 39k mark. While it was difficult, it was never the death march I had feared. My training was right. Using the trusted McMillan Pace Calculator, my best 10k race (in ideal conditions, i.e. cooooold) at 57:54 predicted a 4:30 marathon while a 1:01 10k race predicted a more reasonable time of 4:45. If you take the pitstop and the extended walk breaks in consideration, I was pretty much on target for my fitness/running level.

This made me feel a lot better. I had been wondering, based on what I had heard and how quickly my legs recovered (although I might sign a different tune tomorrow evening when I head out for my first run), if I hadn't raced my first race a little too easy... so nope, I did it just the way my body could take it to allow for a good recovery.

Next test is in a few weeks. I decided to run Scotiabank, probably the half marathon. A friend gave me his entry so I'll be running as "Princess" LOL seriously, the entry will be transferred to my name but his bib is probably being printed so I'll have to print something to put on top of it.

Meanwhile, it's back to some kind of normal routine. Spin class tonight, followed by hot yoga.

Odds and ends...

2011-09-30T08:54:00.000-07:00

While still in recovery mode (really 26 days to recover after a marathon? it's worse than taper!), I have been going over my training and what worked and didn't work at the race. While I don't think I hit the wall per se, I did hit a spot when I was really tired and doubted my ability to finish the race.

So what worked during the race:

My choice of running outfit was good. The tshirt was light enough that I didn't feel constricted. I love my running skirt, didn't get too much chaffing. It was humid but having sleeves helped with the chaffing, I remembered how much I chaffed at Midsummer while wearing a tank top so I didn't want to have it again. I also wore a visor instead of the usual baseball cap. Made a difference.

Not wearing a water/fuel belt. That was a good decision. Carrying the same bottle that I got a the beginning and getting it refilled a few times turned out great. It wasn't cumbersome and it made it that I didn't have that weight on my waist all the time. Not to mention the added warmth factor.

Weekly massages. These were a life saver. I didn't have any discomfort in my legs until probably the 30k mark and my recovery has been quick.

What didn't work:

Nutrition. I seem not to do well with gels anymore. They make me feel queazy towards the end. Not sure if it's because I'm still working on my endurance but when it came time to take another one, all I could think about was ewwww... My friend brought apple juice and it tasted great but I think it's what precipitated my pitstop so that's another no-no. I had a bad experience at Midsummer with Gatorade so I'm reluctant to use it again. I like Nuun tablets in my water but not with gels. Need to experiment with chews and maybe some sugary stuff.

Not enough mileage. I know I didn't have enough mileage during my training. I was really struggling with the heat during the summer so I didn't run as often as I should have. 3 times a week is ok when you are spot on for your other runs. I bonked at many LSD runs because of terrible pacing yet did the tempo well. My cross training consisted mainly of spinning. Weights should be introduced this time around.

Not enough race pace running. Ok, this can be a bit of a controversy. Many advocate running at race pace only a few times during your training. I think this is wrong. The 10k and 16k race pace I did were race pace for these distances NOT my marathon. What this do is that I have no fricking clue as to what marathon pace feels like.... none at all. How can I do a race if I don't know what it feels like? Forget speed work, concentrate on race pace for newbies.

Armed with this knowledge :) I have devised my new plan of action. Here it is in all its glory...

Monday - recovery spin class followed by hot yoga
Tuesday - run with the Running Rats (this will be my tempo run)
Wednesday - Marathon Pace run. Start with 6k, build to 10 or 12k
Thursday - Body pump, easy on the weights
Friday - rest
Saturday - 6k recovery run followed by hot yoga
Sunday - LSD run

So this is what I will do starting early December. Until then, I will run with the Rats on Tuesday, Lululemon on Wednesdays and by myself on Sunday mornings. Fitness regime resumes tomorrow with hot yoga.

There has been a photo that was circulating from a participant at the race on Sunday who decided to pace himself a little too conservatively... I'll let you be the judge... He has since been found out, his time (over 4 hours too... gee...) removed from Sportstats and banned to enter any Montreal Oasis races for 3 years. What a fucking jerk. He's very lucky I didn't see him otherwise I would have had no qualm at telling him just how stupid he was.

On the other end of the spectrum, I saw a very moving motivational video. It made me cry because so many obese people think it's not possible for them. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It's never too late to start on the path to healthy living. Ever.

And this is his submission to iRun for the 2011 New York Marathon:

When I started running at 49 yrs old, I wasn't fat but I wasn't thin. I thought I was healthy but quickly realized that I wasn't. It was tough, it was hard, I had setbacks. But now I am, completed my first marathon and looking forward to doing my second one in the most beautiful city in the world, Paris. And I'm still a Marathoner-in-Training. I will always be one because I firmly believe that we always learn, we never stand still. So as much as I thought of changing the name of this blog, I think it's still very fitting to be called a Marathoner-in-Training.

Happy trails :)

Da race...

2011-09-29T11:57:00.000-07:00

I boarded the train to Montreal full of anticipation. The 2 weeks leading to the trip were an excruciating mix of highs and lows, anxiety followed by a level of calm that left me wondering if I really had what it takes to be a marathoner. I was reassured by everyone that my feelings were perfectly normal and that come race day, I would be fine.

I stayed at a friend’s place in Longueuil. It was so nice of her to host me like this and I was so appreciative that I didn’t have to do much. I didn’t sleep as well as I hoped but then it’s usually like that for me when I’m in a strange place. Ambient noises, different routines, etc... all made that I didn’t sleep well. I took it in stride.

We went to the Expo to pick up my race kit on Friday. My bib number was 65 so I was in the first box, with the elites? LOL all I know is that the earlier in the year you registered, the lower your number was. Toured the very small expo, got a few samples but really after having been to a few large expos, the one in Montreal is a bit of a let down...

That evening was quiet, with a few friends dropping by to have dinner and/or just a glass of wine. I got to meet a few people and that was nice.

Saturday was a critical day. Marie-Eve and I went for a short run that morning, just to loosen up the legs and prepare them for the next day. Pace was good, we didn’t push. Afternoon was quiet, I made the pasta for dinner, then we watched a few movies. One that I always watch before every race is Spirit of the Marathon. I find it inspiring but what it does to me is that it puts me in the mood to run. Cause, you see, I’m not always “in the mood”. Early night, again, I’m not sleeping well. 5:30 came in awfully fast...

Morning of race, I’m full of doubts. Woke up thinking all was a mistake, what the hell was I doing there? What the hell was I thinking of doing this? Not thinking that I would do badly (this never really entered my mind) but why? Why do this? I finally get dressed, have my breakfast, do my obligatory 5 pitstops before heading outside. As soon as I step outside, I think “oh this is warm...” knowing full well it would get warmer as the day would progress... we make it to the bridge and we have to climb all these stairs to make it to the top. What I say??? Stairs???

We make our way to the baggage check (which as it turned out, we didn’t need) to drop the bag and meet another runner from Toronto who decided to do the marathon last minute. Another friend was doing the half so she started 2 hours after us. Introductions are made then we make it to the start line and do the last pit stop. Soon enough it was time to go.

Coming up the chute

My plan was simple. Run and see how it goes. I had a pace band but I left it in my bag. I always do that... The 4:30 pace bunny was running continuously until the 13k mark then he’d start to take breaks as needed. There was no way I wanted to do that so I was running on my own. First half went well, I was on pace to do my 4:30 race. I started to get tired at the 29k mark so slowed down. I met my friend at the 30k mark, did ok for a few kilometres then started to take more breaks. I kept questioning my training, thinking that I should have done more race pace running. I wanted that immediate boost of caffeine and not from a gel. I was sick of gels (note to self, review the nutrition during LSD runs) so I finally asked Marie-Eve to get me a coke. Eventually the blissful caffeine started to get through my system and my energy peaked up a bit, enough to make me start on my intervals again and up the tempo. I finally make it to the last ½ kilometre and my pacer said, “ok, go, you’re on your own” so I took off, started to increase speed. I quickly glance at my Garmin, realize it has died at one point. Merde....Then I hear my name and once more with the announcer saying “Sylvie Desroches de TORONTO!!” and I smiled... and crossed the line. 4:51:49.

Even though I didn't reach my first 2 goals (A - 4:30; B - 4:45, and C - 5:00) I was so happy to have finished under 5 hours. And I know that if I hadn't gone to the bathroom I could have achieved the 4:45. In any case, it's my PB for now and something I am totally proud of.

You can't see it but there are tears in my eyes....

For now, I enjoy my new title, Marathoner and take the time to enjoy life without a schedule. Training for Paris will resume in early December.

Being a marathoner

2011-09-27T05:42:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, I became a marathoner. It feels great. I was expecting to feel a LOT more emotions but for some reason it's making me calmer. Is it the case for everyone? I don't know. All I know is that when I crossed that finish line, hearing my name being mentioned TWICE as the announcer also said "From TORONTO!!!" I smiled and chuckled.

It was tough, oh it was tough. And yet, I was almost expecting it to be tougher than that, based on what I had been reading on various forums and talking to various people. I guess my training had a lot to do with it. And this is not to say that I'm looking down on people who struggle, quite the opposite, I truly admire them for sticking to it. I was also so very lucky to have a pacer with me. She kept me in check, reassured me and didn't say "what? another break?" when I wanted to walk. She would say ok, let's take one. I took a lot of breaks from 35 to 39k. A lot... but to my credit, I was running fast when I did run :)

My garmin also died towards the end, just like that poor 32 yr old runner who collapsed and later died of heart failure. Except that my watch could be revived by just plugging it in, the man is leaving behind a family, maybe a child, a partner, stuff. He doesn't have a chance like my watch did. It really makes you realize just how precarious some of us are. If you have a heart condition and you don't know about it (quite possible I guess), you really take a chance by running a race in such conditions. But nobody can blame us for trying. It's what we do... :)

I will write more about my race, the technical stuff and all that... but right now I wanted to get my first emotions out.

I. Am. A. Marathoner

Motivation

2011-09-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

We had a talk on race preparation, motivation and the mental aspect of a race last night. This has been one of my forte since I started running. I guess it's because I often need to reinforce that I CAN DO THIS because I sometimes allow dark thoughts to clutter my mind :)

So this morning, a friend who is running the Berlin Marathon the same day as me posted this on his FB wall so I shamelessly stole it and posted it on mine:

"Attention Montrealers!!! This is not a drill, soldier. We clear on that? This is a live project. You're a go. Training is over. Training is over." Chris Cooper...

I loved it, totally loved it. It's so true. Training is over, this is fluff, what we do now is only stuff to keep us from going bonkers as the body must rest until race day.

So tonight is 10k race pace, so 10/1s. Then maybe a last get together with the group before we head out to our respective races. Train is tomorrow evening, I have lots to do before then. But my mind is clear. I have my plan, I'm ready.

It's happening...

2011-09-20T06:36:00.000-07:00

This is it, almost race time. 16 weeks ago, I was about to sit on a bench at the Running Room to get my first taste of training for a marathon. Boy was I scared, overwhelmed, enthusiastic, and all gung ho but most of all, scared. I knew the coming months would be challenging because of the heat. Some would say that I projected the future but I know myself well enough to know how I react in this type of weather. But I was also determined to do it.

I remember the first run so well. I didn’t have water! I thought, stupidly, that only 6k would be just that, 6k run. What I didn’t know was that it was tempo AND straight running. Ahhh.... I thought I’d die by the time we reached the 1k mark. How humbling it is... So note to self, bring water. We actually were warned by the coach that if we didn’t have water, he didn’t want us to go out with the group.

I had my ups and down during the training, times when I would tell myself that I would just finish that f&%** run and then quit. I even said it to one of my coaches. Of course I wouldn’t quit. I’d go for brunch with the group and rehash the run, discussing what I did or didn’t do. Then the next run would be awesome, enough to bring back my self confidence. This went on until we started hills. I love hills. It is, bar none, my favourite training component. I feel strong when I do hills, they’re not easy by any means but there is something rewarding conquering it again and again. And it helps so much with your other runs. When there is a hill during a long run, you don’t look at it and say “oh no... a hill”, you say “ok, a hill, no biggie”.

I have to say that what really helped me through the cycle was the camaraderie I experienced with the group. I didn't feel alone in my woes. By talking to others, I would discover that they were ALL going through the same thing, even the fast one :) And I would get, and offer, reassurance. It's a give and take. You give and you get something back by encouraging someone.

So here I am, about to do the race. The one that I so wanted to do last year. The one that is in motherland. The one that will allow me to put after my name, marathoner. I feel strong, confident, I can do this. I am ready.

See you at the finish line, MIT.

Respecting the distance

2011-08-22T12:46:00.000-07:00


Tshirt and bib

On Saturday evening, at 5:30 pm, I participated in the Midsummer Night 30k race. This was our "midterm" exam so to speak. This was the race that we were to use to determine where we're at in our training. I was fairly excited about this race. I have done the distance before but still it was always in a training group run environment. You do lots of stops, the pace is slower, there is no pressure. This was a race and like it or not, there is always a tiny bit of pressure during a race.


This was NOT our shuttle bus...

Day of, I'm careful NOT to do too much even though we went to the CanFit Pro conference. Walking around checking things out really tires your legs. I was home by noonish, ate, showered and was asleep by 1:30 for an hour or so. I was careful to drink lots of water but to stop/diminish it about 1 hour before start of race. Finally meet a few friends to take the shuttle to the race. As I walk towards the hotel, I see this beautiful car and giggle thinking how great it would be to arrive in style... alas, a school bus is our transportation du jour :)

Running peeps getting ready

We eventually arrive at the race. Great ambiance. It's not a huge race but well attended and it sells out every year. In addition to the marathon clinic, I see a few people I know, especially someone I respect immensely as a runner, Dave Emilio. He runs out of the Beach area. We had a little chat, he tells me he's been following my updates on Facebook and that it looks like my training is going well for Montreal. He's very encouraging.

Running peeps

It's a hot and humid afternoon and the sun is again behind the clouds. After the group photos and a quick 2k warmup run, we line up. I position myself between the 3:15 and 3:30 pace fairies. The plan is to sort of start with the 3:15 and fall back to 3:30 if I'm tired. "Officially" I aim for 3:30 but secretly I'm hoping for 3:15. Anything less than 3:15 would be a dream but I also know that it's a race environment so anything can happen.

And we're off. A few of my peeps are at the front, some in the middle and I'm towards the back. I quickly lose the 3:15 so fall into the 3:30. She doesn't seem to follow the same time pace as me. I'm fast by about 10 seconds. Not keen on this. Then I heard her asking the people if the pace was ok??? This is not what one expects from a pace fairy. Second walking break, she's way off than my watch so since I felt good, I decide to continue on my own. I'm not that much faster anyway. At the 10k mark, I look at my watch - 1:05. Quick calculation... if I do every 10k like this, the 3:15 is in my sight. I'm happy with that. If I can, I will speed up towards the end.

Finally good race pictures!!

Second 10k is a little more laborious. I'm getting tired, the combination of heat/humidity/gels and gatorade is not working well with my body. My tummy is taking it but I'm feeling sluggish. I soldier on. Man that Leslie Spit is desolate, beautiful scenery with great lanscape of downtown Toronto in the background but not much else. I'm still ok, totally enjoying the new sense of freedom that comes from running without music. At one point I hear steps behind me, fast steps. Someone I know (he runs with the Longboats and the Rats) zooms by me, followed by others. Zoom, zoom, zoom, one after the other. WTF???? then I remember, the 15k group started at 6:45. That explains it. Soon my little steady pace is pushed a bit by them. I then hear a familiar voice behind me saying "On lache pas Sylvie" and my spirits instantly lift. It's a guy who runs in my clinic, a real sweetheart from Quebec with his wife from the US and they are so nice, genuine, down to earth.

We finally make it around the lighthouse, turning around to come out of the spit. I know the route, I did it last weekend so I know where we are. I'm tired at that point, taking more walking breaks than I should. I drink gatorade and it's making me a bit nauseous. I take a gel and immediately realize it's a mistake. I didn't throw up but felt close many times. So this is how one feels... lol

I finally reach the end of the spit. Never have been so happy to see the exit. I have 7k to go. A friend is at the exit, she runs a few steps with me, asking me if I'm ok. I'm ok but tired is all I can manage. I soldier on. I see other friends with one who bailed out (I found out later that another one had been taken to hospital due to dehydration). They are all cheering us, giving me high five and my spirits start to soar. This is not the end by any means, I still have another 1/2 hour or so to go. I'm not even looking at my watch, I don't want to stress. All I do is look at how much time I have left till my walking break.


Not the best quality but a great finish :)

Last 2 ks felt surreal. I passed many people I knew, some I didn't know. I heard the conversations, the support, the encouragement. I reached the street, I couldn't remember how far it was. I took as many walking breaks as I could and walked very fast when I did. Then I'd run some more. Finally I saw someone I knew encouraging us and he said "it's just around the corner" and I knew he was right, turned the corner, started to speed up. Crossed the finish line with the biggest smile on my face. Hit the pause button, grabbed a bottle of water, looked down at my watch and couldn't believe my eyes... 3:16! I had done it! I had, almost, reached my goal! I got all teary.

Then nausea set in. I couldn't stand still I had to move but I was totally uncoordinated. Someone asked me if I was ok, I met a few friends, sat down but couldn't bear looking at food. Talked about the race, got cold and went to fetch my bag. Found another few friends, still couldn't eat. Someone put a beer in front of me and I didn't think I could drink it but it went down ok :) I guess I'm tougher than I thought :)

Went home, took my wet/sweaty clothes off put on bathrobe, laid down on couch. An hour later, the shivers started. Couldn't get warm. I should have drank a cup of tea but I was too tired to make one. This is one of the situations where you really would like to be with someone... Went to bed, took Ibuprofen and waited for it to kick in.

So I learned a few things about this race:

1. I run well without music. I didn't miss it at all.
2. I still have to work on that "race pace", I'm hoping the pace bunny in Montreal will be more reliable.
3. Heat/humidity is still my nemesis.
4. Gatorade and gels are NOT good in my system on long runs.
5. 30k is a long distance, 42.2k even more. Respect the distance, pace accordingly.
6. It will be awesome to have someone pacing me at the 30k mark.
7. I will not hesitate to encourage spectators to cheer us and I will encourage other runners.

Went for breakfast with some friends the next morning. I felt a bit better after ingesting some food and rehashing the race with them. One did a DNF as she had all the signs of dehydration.

Yummy crepe

Lovely 3:16 medal...

I will be back Midsummer Night. Maybe not next year but one day...

Being someone else

2011-08-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

My new identity :)

Not the best photo...

For a day yesterday, well, during a race that is, I was someone else. I've never ran a race under someone else's bib before and while it felt ok (no guilt for this MIT!!) it was definitely strange. For example, I had no idea of her last name, nor her expected finish time. I somehow felt I had to do well and avoid letting her down :) The high end of her expected time was 1:36 and I did 1:45 so I think I did well.

Because I didn't have a lot of time to prepare, i.e. obsess over, for this race, I went without a real plan. I knew I wouldn't be racing with music, I still haven't replaced my iPod and there is no way I was running 16k with the iPhone. It's bulky and fiddly. Ok for short runs but not for a race. I still carried it in my belt as it is a must to track your friends but decided to be a grown up and run without music. I also looked at the route and realized there would be TONS of water stations so left the water belt at home. No need to carry extra weight :)

So firmly in racing mode, I laid out my racing outfit the evening before: black/blue running skirt with matching blue sleeveless top. Elegant, comfy and well, I look good in it! I wanted to wear the Saucony Mirage (they match lol) but decided last minute to wear the Fastswitch as they are the ones I plan on racing in Montreal with.

I had a good dinner, again, no wine (haven't had wine in a month and I don't really miss it... nah, who am I kidding??? I AM missing it but I'm determined to make it through!), plenty of water. Had my chips in the afternoon, napped a lot due to my headache yet was able to go to bed at my normal time and fall asleep not long after lights out. Got up at 6:30, had my espresso, oatmeal, put running outfit on, checked the Garmin and made my way to the neighbours to find out my new identity then head over to the race to meet my running peeps. This is an easy one to get to, it's just 5 minutes walk to the start line.

The happy couple!

I like to arrive early at a race. I like the excitement, the energy. I'm not really nervous but I'm hoping the clouds will stay where they are, in front of the sun. I also got to meet someone very special that morning. A fellow runner from Scotland who has been very helpful to me in my challenging weeks of training. She is here to visit but primarily to attend a very special wedding. Two people from probably very different background but united by a common passion, running, met at the Running Room, fell in love and will marry on Saturday. So it IS possible to find love...

The bride to be, JuneAnn

So after I finally meet Helen and get my hug, we hang out a little bit but then it's time to make our way to the start line. Many in the group were doing the run as a "fun run" with the bride and groom to be. Since I was "racing" it, I made my way to the corral with my friend Vicky who had left her Garmin at home. We ran together for about 5k, then she felt good so decided to push on. I kept my pace, didn't want to burn out. This was a test in strategy. I wasn't going for anything in particular but I wanted to keep an even pace for 3/4 of the race, then speed up for the rest. I drank Gatorade at every water station, taking a few seconds to walk and drink rather than risking having half of it on my top.

I reached the 8k mark at 53:37.2. I'm feeling good, looking around me, thinking about everything and nothing. I observe fellow runners, keep hearing my coach's voice in my head "posture Sylvie, posture!" and unconsciously I stand taller, shoulders down and back, looking straight ahead. I'm comfortable. My shoes are fabulous, so light, you feel like you're not lifting anything.

We finally complete the loop and are on our way back! Yay!!! This is known territory for me so I know where we're at and how much left to do.There is a guy who is letting a "HUNH" every time he breathes. Distracting and quickly became annoying. I ask myself: do I slow down and let him go ahead or speed up and hopefully lose him? Guess what I did... :) I'm still doing 10/1s but the last minute of running is done at a faster pace. Recovery for 1 minute, then repeat. My legs are getting tired but no pain/discomfort.

Very creative costume!

We finally leave the spit and make our way onto the street. Once we turn on Commissioner, there is more traffic and some motorists are NOT happy with having to wait THAT long so that we can do our turns. As I approach our turn onto Cherry Street (not long now... not long...) there is a motorist who let out a few expletives and honk his horn angrily. I yelled at him "you could encourage us instead you know...", not sure if it made a difference but dammit, it felt good to say it! Then I saw one of my friend being a course marshall so it was "hey, high five!!" what a boost.

As we turn onto Lakeshore, I start to pass people who are struggling a little bit. I silently send them strong vibes (I'm still a bit shy in giving encouragement as I'm not always sure how it will be received) and continue on my way. We turn onto Cherry Street, then up to past Mill Street so I give all I have left. Finish time is 1:44:58. My second split was 52:36.4 a slight negative and this made me sooooo happy. THIS is what I was aiming for.

I met my friend Vicky who finished before me, we get our water, then our goodies and meet other people. We go for a FREE massage/ART, then over to my place to change and meet friends at a restaurant to celebrate. I didn't get to spend as much time with Helen as I had hoped and I'm hopeful I'll get to see her again before she returns to Scotland.

Overall, a great day, fantastic race, well executed, fabulous weather and maybe not a PB but a much much better executed race for me. I'm happy, confident that things will go well for me in Montreal, in 40 days!!!

Pacing oneself

2011-08-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

Proper pacing is so important. In a race, start too fast and you burn out, start too slow and you need to work too hard to catch up to the time you want to achieve. You know how it happens, you get caught in the moment, you follow the crowd and then you realize that you've been going too fast and if you don't correct it soon, you'll run out of steam. The thing is that when you're at that point, you' re pretty much done and it will take you a while, if even you can, to recover. Typical rookie mistake. We've all been there, we've all done that. Of course, some are able to run the entire race at a blistering pace and proper pacing is a foreign word to them. However, for most of us, it's what makes or breaks a race. What you aim for is the, still for me, elusive negative split. These days in my LSD runs, I'm more of a positive split than anything. Which means I start too fast and burn out before the end. That is not good.

There is a person in our group who always positions herself to the front of the pack. Constantly. And she starts too fast. And the group follows. And we eventually crash and burn. Now I could say that it is entirely my fault but we run in a group and the paces are NOT what we should be doing. When we got our time trial, I was placed in the 4:30 pace group, which I believe is right for me. I do not believe I'm in the wrong pace group. 4:30 is correct for me WHEN I run at the correct pace. It is NOT good for me when I continuously run my LSD run at 6:51 walk adjusted which places me in the 4:00-4:15 group.

I was getting very discouraged when every single time I'd have to either bail out or struggle constantly towards the end of the run. I kept doubting myself, thinking this was not for me. I didn't think I could continue the training because although I was doing well in steady/tempo and on hills. The heat/humidity has something to do towards my fatigue during my long runs but I think the overall speed is what's getting me.

For comparison, the following paces for a 4:30 expected finish time:
Long run: 7:08 - 8:00
Steady: 7:08
Tempo/Fartleks/Hills: 6:26
Speed: 5:37
Race: 6:24
Walk adjusted race: 6:09

Paces for the 4:15 expected finish time:
Long run: 6:45 - 7:35
Steady:6:45
Tempo/Fartleks/Hills: 6:05
Speed: 5:19
Race: 6:03
Walk adjusted race:5:47

Paces for the 4:00 expected finish time:
Long run: 6:22 - 7:11
Steady:6:22
Tempo/Fartleks/Hills: 5:44
Speed: 5:00
Race: 5:41
Walk adjusted race:5:26

While I could decide to hang out with the 4:45 pace group, I do not believe that it is right because it doesn't teach us good race strategy. A good race strategy is to conserve energy, pace yourself well, go with a plan. Start slow, finish strong. So having considered all this, what's the point of having pace groups IF you don't follow the paces?

I have approached one of the instructor in our clinic and shared my concerns. Maybe I'm making a big issue out of nothing but I strongly believe having a good pacer (or getting used to the correct pace) is key to success. I'm not professing I am one but when I see someone hanging at the front of the pack continuously because she likes it this way, starts too fast and then crash, it bothers me. I'm hoping my concerns will be addressed/dealt with but if they aren't then I'll run on my own. That way I control my pace better AND get stronger mentally.

I don't think I'm out to lunch on this. I do know we are going too fast for what I am capable of, especially my first marathon.

Who knew????

2011-07-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

That eating before an evening run agrees with my tummy? What a discovery... I eat a bagel with cheese one hour before my run and I'm flying. Not light shattering speed but consistent, strong and utterly satisfying speed.

Of course, it could also be the light electrolytes I'm taking in my water every day (I've warmed up to the lemon/lime flavour), combined with the amazing cream I put on my legs to being more careful of what I eat and possibly a renewed self confidence in myself but whatever it is, it's working!

Tuesday tempo run was fabulous. Not easy by any mean but I didn't feel I was about to die halfway through even though the wind was strong. I decided to be conservative and do only 6k. I wanted to test my pacing as well and to a large extent, that worked too. I consciously upped the music level so I could be in my own bubble and not be tempted to keep up with someone else beside me. I decided that it was not worth trying to overtake anyone in training :) plenty of time to do that in a race... So I felt strong throughout and finished feeling very happy.

When I started to think about Wednesday workout, 6 hills, I didn't panic. Armed with "the plan", I got in there with all the tools that I had garnered in the last week or so. I was ready. I listened to my friend Sean talking on the way to the hill, his soothing voice that always work its charm on me. I instinctively feel calmer when I talk to him even though I'm as bubbly as ever. This person has accomplished so much in terms of running and training and yet, you'd never know seeing him until he starts running. Then I promptly lose sight of him because he's one fast runner! He's also consistent and smiling whenever he sees someone. He's truly an inspiration.

On my way to the hill I also decided to run back home to add up a little bit of mileage. We get the "up the mileage" drilled in our head so much but I don't want to overdo it, I want to continue my cross training on Thursdays. So I decided to take advantage of the downhill to run home from the hill after the workout. This meant not going out with the group after but I felt it was important to me to do it. And I'm glad I did. I felt so good running home. I started to get tired towards the end so took a few walking breaks. Overall I felt good, strong, focused. But most of all, I felt happy.

I'm back. The mojo is back. The legs are back. The marathon is in sight and I can do it. I know I can. I have it in me. And all it took was a bagel with cheese... who knew?

Entering a new phase

2011-07-26T11:55:00.000-07:00

My last LSD run went extremely well and did a lot for my self-confidence. I approached with armed with "the plan" and it worked well. Talking to one of my coaches afterwards, he did tell me that part of the reason why it went so well was probably that my training is starting to pay dividends. I did find that hard to believe as it IS still a bit challenging sometimes. My long runs are not without discomfort. Not pain but there are times when I think "oh my god, how much longer now?" and yet I continue because I know it will get better. We will reach the halfway mark and it will be the "we're coming home now" which always make it that much better.

So after I did all my stuff right, put the bladder of my camelpack in the freezer overnight, then took it out, put a Nuun pill in it to create a light electrolyte mix, stashed a few gels in the pouch of the camelpack, ate a different breakfast (toasts with almond butter and a banana), had a lot of good sleep the evening before, didn't overstretch my legs and hydrated well, I was ready. I made my way to the RR to meet with the group. And it was a good run.

I feel good, strong, still in tune with my plan. I am drinking liquids (more tea than water though... something to work on), I have not touched a drop since last Saturday and honestly I don't miss it! I started hot yoga so I can get used to the heat/humidity. It's not as bad as I had feared so will now do it twice a week, Monday evenings and Saturday mornings.

Tonight's 6k will be a good test for me. Not that I want to push like crazy but I want to practice my pace strategy. The first km use as a warmup then the next 4 a bit faster with the last one at marathon pace. We shall see :)

We are entering a critical phase of our training. This is where dedication counts the most. This is where the work you put it will pay big time on September 25. It's up to me to make it a success or a failure.

Continuing my journey

2011-07-21T11:47:00.000-07:00

After a disastrous weekend, this week's running has been far better than expected, and anticipated. Making decisions always help me, so is talking to other people and realizing that many share what I'm going through. I have people who don't know me giving me invaluable advice (thank you Helen!!!) and some whom I know that give me total encouragement and support just by being patient with my emotions through my journey.

A year or so ago when I started thinking about the big M, I was reading many forums, talking to people or simply listening on conversations from people who had done the training and had completed their first marathon. I kept hearing the same thing: it's hard, it takes commitment, total commitment to do it right. By doing it right doesn't mean doing it at a certain pace or placing well in your AG, no, it means that you get to the start line uninjured, happy, relaxed, confident in your abilities and knowing that you put in the effort into your 18+ weeks of training.

Like any noob, I thought I could handle doing too much, having too much fun, not enough sleep, water, proper food, etc... the training quickly brought me back to earth. And that's when I had to make a few key decisions. First it was the shoes, the blisters. I tried different combinations then finally found what works for me. Saucony shoes with Thorlo socks. In hot weather, these socks rock.

Then came energy. Since deciding on cutting back wine I feel better. Not that I had any to drink during the week but knowing that I won't put myself in the position of being dehydrated makes me feel better. One less thing to worry about.

Eating better. I'm more in tune with what I eat. I have downloaded a list of what is carbs and what is proteins. Believe it or not, I didn't know what constitute one over the other. I was just eating before. Meat, 2 veggies or 1 veg and 1 rice/noodles. Dessert is fruit with either fruit yogurt or my now favorite greek yogurt. Or no dessert at all.

Drink more water. This is ongoing. Some days I drink more than others. I have purchased a camelpack and used it yesterday for our run to the hills and I felt good. It's light, doesn't bounce too much and with the music I'm listening to, the sloshing of water doesn't get too distracting.

Energy drink. I have purchased more and it's in the fridge. I'll try to dilute some in my camelpack for my run on Sunday and see how it goes.

Cross training. I have started yoga again and it really helped. Not sure I like the yoga instructor at the current gym so might go across the street to the new place. And spinning has made a reappearance as well.

So these decisions, while not earth shattering, are important to me. It has helped this week, so has the talk on clinic night. But mostly I have gained my self confidence back. I have a plan, I have a group with me, I'm not alone in my journey even if it is my journey, nobody else. But I feel better that is for sure.

And like any journey, it will change from week to week. I'm sure I will have other times when my self-confidence will be tested again. And I hope that I will be able to learn from this to take it with me to the start line. No matter what happens or how it happens, I have it in me to finish it.

Do you have what it takes?

2011-07-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

This is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. After two disastrous long runs that had to be cut short, one taking the subway due to blisters and the other one probably walking the best part of the last 10 kilometres, I have been rethinking my capabilities.

I cannot help but marvel at the people who have done many marathons and yes suffer through the heat of a challenging run but they DO IT. They complete it with the least amount of walking and are allowed to feel a sense of accomplishment. And when they tell me that I should celebrate, I am happy but deep down I feel like a fraud because I just couldn't do it.

What an eye opener. Me who thought would be ok because I ran with the group in March/April/May now I'm finding that the heat completely stops me. I get the chills, I feel dizzy, my skin gets so red and puffy, my form goes completely away, I keep hitting my left ankle bone with my right foot. It's very disheartening after a while that I want to quit, simply quit and be done with it.

While I realize that most of this is due to what I do before, during AND after the run, I have decided, once again to re-evaluate what I'm doing and what I can change to make it better.

1. Rest: I have not been resting enough, especially the day before a long run. How on earth have I forgotten this? Day before a race you will NOT see me going here, there, and everywhere. I will NOT cycle all over the city and I will NOT allow myself to get sunburned. And yet, I continuously do this while I train. Time to change this.

Solution: Saturdays will be a total rest day. I will do only minimal walking and very little cycling, none if possible. I will drink lots and lots of water, stay hydrated and out of the sun. I will go to bed early that evening.

2. Diet: It sucks. I basically eat stuff not knowing the ratio. I just eat. I eat lots of veggies, a bit of meat but I don't have the proper balance. I'm lucky I don't eat too much junk food or empty calories but again, sometimes I do.

Solution: Well balanced meals and snacks are important. Time to get cracking. And while I'm at it, start taking more vitamins. I used to take Greens and it made a HUGE difference. Why did I stop??? Vitamin D and E is fine but I liked the boost that I got from Greens so I will get some again and take it every morning.

3. Alcohol: Wine in particular. This dehydrate me and taking a few glasses the day before is NOT helping at all.

Solution: Pretty obvious when you think about it... no more wine on Saturdays and minimal consumption during the week, if any. A beer after the workout is ok but sticking to water will be an even wiser choice. I'll see how this one goes.

4. Running Frequency: Someone mentioned that a short, recovery type run on Thursday or Friday would be a good option to get used to the heat (humidex is to go to 46 on Thursday). This would also help for my long slow runs.

Solution: Do a short run on Fridays, no more than 6k. Do it easy but do it as steady as possible. Going to Cherry beach is a good route, minimal interruptions/traffic lights as possible.

5. Bad thoughts: The ones that make me stop. The thoughts that make me want to pack it in and leave.

Solution: Shut them up. Really shut them up. You're listening to your brain telling you it doesn't like to be pushed. You can do it. Others do it and so can you. When you are in that place, slow down, advise the pace group leader that you will catch up to them. I find that when I'm in that place I get extremely frustrated because I feel I'm slowing down the group so I prefer to run on my own.

I'm hoping that these will help me go through the grueling weeks/months ahead. I really do. Because right now, I don't have a lot of faith in me.

At the end of it all, it's really a matter of trust isn't it? What does that say about me?

5k Pride & Remembrance Race Report

2011-07-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

Barbie!!!

Saturday, July 2nd I ran the Pride & Remembrance 5k Race. I have a soft spot for this race, it was my first. I totally remember how petrified I felt when I did it for the first time. I felt like I didn't belong, I was surrounded by runners and little ol' me wasn't fit to be part of that group.

Even my shoes were pink/black

About 3 years ago, we decided to make tutus as many people dress up for the race. Tutus seem to be popular at races, no idea why but they are. So we set off to do our own, using the colours of the rainbow. We had so much fun doing these... Running with them is not bad either. We also decided to have a different theme every year. This year was Barbie. So pink, blonde, bling, outrageous. As evidenced, I think I nailed it pretty well :)

The day started well. We made it there in good time, got ourselves sorted out, even got interviewed for CP24 News. Not sure if we appeared but it was fun to be interviewed.We position ourselves in the crowd waiting for the start. Ambiance is always electric at this one. It's a weird mix of crazyness with a good dose of focus. It IS a race after all... And we're off. The sun is hiding behind the clouds, yay! I have no real plan for the race, I decide to run continuously with breaks at the water stations. I start a little fast but my breathing is under control. My legs are also doing well, calves/soleus protesting a tiny bit. My bling bracelet keeps getting caught in my tutu, this drives me nuts. I'm also carrying a feather purse and this turns out to be a mistake. I'm sooooo warm!

But I soldier on. I have no choice. I'm not stopping till the water table. Where the fuck is it I keep asking myself... they moved it!!! That's the beauty about doing the same race for many years, you get to know where stuff is... finally arrive, grab a glass of water and walk slowly to ingest it. I'm trying NOT to get splashed by glasses that people are throwing on the side of the road.

Smiling but HOT!!!

I set off again. I know we have to do the loop one more time so off I go and will do another break at the station again. I need to take another break not long afterwards, then another one. I know I have to pick up from Bay Street and as soon as I cross it, I pick up again and gradually increase my pace. I'm trying to be careful with my stride. I finally cross the finish line in 29:45 (Sportstats).

Sean and Stuart

After gathering my thoughts, standing with friends for a few photos, we make our way to the park near 519 Church for the post race food and festivities. I want to get a massage, I missed out on it last year. What a great bunch I am with. All my marathon clinic coaches are there as well as many fellow marathoners in training are at the race.

All in all, a great day. I'm very happy with my race and can't wait to do it again next year.

Mwa!!

Intervals - the necessary evil

2011-06-30T11:52:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm firmly into marathon training, I have been initiated to interval training. I really don't like intervals. No, that's not true. I don't dislike them. I find them hard. They test me. They push my boundaries and I don't always like this. But I see it as a necessary evil because when you're in a race, you will have bits that you won't like and if you can push through it instead of allowing them to defeat you, half the battle is won right at that point.

So back to our training. We gather at the store, my watch is set up for my intervals. 6 minutes warmup, then 12 minutes tempo pace, followed by 6 minutes recovery at lsd pace. NO BREAKS We leave the store and I have about 30 seconds to make sure the GPS kicks in. Some days it works, some days it doesn't. Last night was just on the verge of leaving and bam, it kicked in... close call. So off we go, like the proverbial bats out of hell. I really have to work on that and make sure I seed myself better in the pack so as not to let myself go too fast or at least readjust quickly.

We get down to the waterfront, then turn east to a path. This helps because there are no traffic lights, no interruptions. It's straight running. So here is where I find my training is lacking. I haven't had enough straight running. It sometimes become an issue. Or it might be that I go too fast, I don't know. But when I do these, I have to really concentrate not to panic and stop. My breathing goes all over the place, I look at others and they're all running effortlessly (at least in my eyes) and I can't help but feel inadequate. But dammit, I soldier on!

One of the coach comes up to me and ask me how I'm doing. I tell him that I'm trying to find my breathing. I think he gets the message and leaves me alone. Because at this point I'm struggling with my breathing, my posture, ensuring my shoulders are low and back, looking ahead instead of the ground. And I keep saying "don't panic, don't panic"... I sort of enter into survival mode: I break it down in segments. It helps a bit but the dark thoughts still enter my mind. I keep thinking that I need the washroom but eventually realize that it's just my brain playing tricks on me. So I tell myself to stop being such a sissy and that I signed up for this and that I better embrace it or leave it. The choice is mine and mine alone. Nobody is forcing me to do this.

So my breathing finally settles, my desire to pee subside and I'm able to enjoy (if such a word can go with this) or at least not find it too excruciating. I start to see some of the fast ones coming back, most wave back at me, there's a kinship in this! I then see a woman that I find a bit intimidating because she is VERY fast. She's taking a walking break. For some reason, this helps me a lot. If she needs one then it also means that she might not be the superwoman I put her to be. This is not a mean/petty thought... this is just me seeing her and then realizing that she is like me and I shouldn't let her speediness intimidate me.

As all this is happening, I realize that I'm almost at the turnaround point YAY!!! There are people ahead of me, behind me, I'm not on my own. This lifts my spirits. As I go towards the turnaround point, the coach gives me a thumbs up. I nod because at this point I cannot hear anything. My music is so loud, I need it to keep going. I take a minute walking break then start again. As usual, the return goes better than the going there. A few others and I get to a traffic light that is lonnnnng.... ahhhh a pause. We totally enjoy it. Then we go again. I know we're very close and they don't have a watch so I'm calling the intervals. Finally we make it back to the store. In my typical fashion, I do my all out sprint to a cheering crowd. The coach tell me my form is spot on. I'm happy.

What I'm less happy with is the fact that the socks I wore, the Drymax, gave me blisters. So it's definitely back to the Thorlo socks from now on during the summer. And that when I have a blister NOT to wear the Vibrams as it aggravates them. It's not as bad as it used to be but it's bad enough to have to just wear my Crocs to work.

Today I feel fine, looking forward to my next interval training. My legs feel great, I'm a bit tired but overall, the training is really starting to paying off.

Tomorrow is my day off. I decided to give my foot a chance to heal so that I can have a good race on Saturday. 5k Price and Remembrance. It was my first race ever so there will always be a soft spot in my heart for it.

Onward...

My new plan

2011-06-22T07:35:00.000-07:00

Last night I took myself to another running shop, the one I wanted to go at the beginning of my quest for the perfect shoes to enter this new phase of my life, conquering a beast called marathon. When I started to investigate shoes options, I ended up being sidelined by other thoughts and went to another store. Not that the other one was bad but it is far and not easily accessible even to this enthusiastic pedestrian.

As I was mourning the loss of being able to do one single run without getting a monster blister, I realized that since I was about to head out in the area for a focus group ($50 net for an hour work... woohoo!!) I might as well go there to see if I cannot get what I really wanted, a lightweight shoe, a racer. I don't want high heels, I don't want coffins on my feet. I want something light, breathable and that will keep my footsies happy. I run in VFF but my mileage is very small. I want to continue this as I see minimalist as the way to go for me. However, the transition from high heel to zero drop is too drastic at this point (marathon training) for me. You have to give up something in order to do it and I'm not willing to do it just yet. Next summer. Once I run Paris I will completely move over to minimalist. There will be no races in 2012 other than ATB (maybe) and Paris (for sure) and a few 5ks. This will then give me the time to build my mileage in VFF/BF and see where it goes.

But that's next year, we're in 2011. So back to the program.

After a few tries I settled down to 2 models. The Saucony Progrid Mirage for my long runs and the Saucony Fastwitch 5 for shorter runs, like tempo and intervals. Both feel very comfortable but I will still try them on the dreadmill to see how they react to my feet. I will keep the other ones I purchased and will try them with the anti blister socks I purchased. Unfortunately Blogger will not let me upload the pics...

I have been meaning to get more than one pair of shoes for a while. With all this pounding, cushioning takes about 36 hours to 'bounce back' so using the same pair all the time, when you start going higher distances, can eventually lead to all sorts of ailments, from discomfort to injuries.

So tonight I will give my footsies another rest and hop on the elliptical. Tomorrow is the usual spin class. I will test the Mirage to see how they are then might wear them on Sunday. My short (8k) run on Saturday will not flatten the cushioning enough to make it bad on Sunday.

And of course I will wear my new socks. And body glide. And say a prayer before I head out :)

I feel better. I have a plan, I have something I think will be good. I can do this.

DA monster

2011-06-21T10:13:00.000-07:00

Here it is, in all its glory, the monster. It's a beauty isn't it? This was taken after I attempted to drain it only I realized the next morning that I had drained the top blister, not the one underneat. So there is another one waiting to be taken care of... yep, I sure did a number on that one. What started as a blister on Wednesday morphed into a monster on Sunday.

Quite gross... even I find it gross to look at :)

Speculations are, right now, that it's a combination of shoes that are too big, socks that are not double lined, body glide that is not thick enough, stride that might not be consistent, and temperatures that are too high. To some people, I'm just a big drama queen that should really "shut the hell up" and be done with. To them I say, get one like that and come talk to me afterwards. but then these same people would probably grin and bear it, they would head out for a run even if their feet would scream in protest and their socks end up glued to the foot. Because they're strong!

Well, I'm not. I'm a fairweather runner. I don't run with pain. I run in the rain, snow, hail, freezing rain, thunderstorms but I don't run with pain. Pain scares me. Pain is what injured me. I don't want to get injured again. So if this stops me from accomplishing fabulous and fantastic times while running, so be it. I do not care. I do not care to do a marathon under 4 hours. I do not care never to make it to Boston, I do not care anymore. I just want to run, for a long time, well, and remain as much injury free as I possibly can. I want it to be enjoyable, not something I MUST cross off my bucket list. I love being in training because it keeps me accountable but to obsess over it as I used to? No more.

So when my foot is better, hopefully tomorrow, I will put the shoes I was wearing when I joined the marathon group in April, the Zoot and head out for my run. They are not the best as they are stability shoes and they ended up making my PF flare a bit but it's ok until I can get the transitional shoes I've been wanting, like the Saucony Kinvara or some other kind of minimalist shoe. I have the Merrell Pace Glove but it's a little too minimalist for now.

Stay tuned... I will conquer that. I'm determined, I'm stubborn and I can do it. All I need is find the right shoes :)

Frustrations

2011-06-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

Week 3 of the training and while the bulk of it is going well, I'm more frustrated than I ever been since I started running over 3 years ago. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I blindly believe whatever people are telling me re shoes? Why am I so fucking afraid of doing what I really want to do???

Because I'm a fool.

Yes, I am. A fool because I believe that a solution can be found immediately. A fool because my body is changing and I do not want to accept it. A fool because I'm petrified of being injured again. A fool because I don't want to leave the gang I just joined. A fool because with running I feel important and that if it's removed, then I'll cease to be "someone" and will revert to just "be".

There. I said it. It's out.

Sometimes I feel that I'm back to being a kid, the only girl in a group of 3 brothers and I was so frustrated of not being included in their world because "I was a girl" therefore not worthy of being with them. All my life I suffered from this and I would jump through hoops trying to get acceptance. I would try to please to be invited back, I would do stuff for others so they would call me their friends, all the while forgetting who I really was and looking at myself as someone who really wasn't good enough to be part of that gang.

Boy stuff from our childhood really follow up through life doesn't it? People think children are resilient. And they are, to a point. If you don't give them a good basis, they have nothing to build on.

So now I find that I have a collection of shoes that are NOT good for me. Quite the opposite, they make me afraid of putting them on and head out for a run. They ARE comfortable mind you, they just give me blisters. That's the most frustrating part... when I bought my last few pairs, the guy at the store told me that elite will wear shoes that are much larger as their feet swell. And I thought, that's perfect! My feet swell too, I get very hot when I run so this will help me. I don't know if it's a combination of the heat/shoe/body glide/socks but I ended up with the BIGGEST blister that happened on top of ANOTHER one that was acquired last week. In other words, it's just not working out for me.

What to do? I got every single suggestion possible. New socks, try this one, that one, and that one. Use thicker Body Glide, blister powder. Tie your shoelaces differently. Get bigger shoes, no get smaller. Get orthotics even, run differently.

All I want is run with minimal discomfort. Seems simple non? Apparently not.

Someone mentioned to me that if minimalist shoes were NOT giving me blisters then why the heck not continue running with them. I'm afraid that I don't have enough miles to go for marathon training and now a big part of me is thinking that I have to STOP fearing and GET GOING. Because either way, it's not going to happen. If I continue with the bad shoes, I will totally suffer during that marathon and if I go minimalist or transition type shoe, I will probably slow down BUT will be able to enjoy my training AND finish the race with a smile on my face instead of a scowl of pain.

I will go to another store to get fitted for shoes. And they better give me something good because if this cannot be, then I have no other choice than to either cut the side of my foot or give up and take spinning and truly become a gym rat. But then again, I was told that if someone spends more than 1 hour in the gym, you're not using your time wisely.

Le sigh...

All systems go!

2011-06-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

So the "official" marathon training has started. Finally. Last night was the inaugural sitting on the bench at the Running Room where we met our three coaches and got a very broad overview of the next 18 weeks. The coaches introduced themselves and let us know of their running history. This also gave us the opportunity to get to know their styles. Then everyone introduced themselves with their running history and what they expect from the clinic. The group range from people who have done 7+ marathons to one who has done no races at all. This is her first race ever. The group was about 45 people, I'm sure more have registered and will register in the coming weeks. And I'm sure we will see many of them disappear. Nature of the beast.

So after our long introductions, we finally set off. This will be our usual Tuesday 6k Tempo Run. Always the same route, always the same way. Steady tempo running. Rain or shine. Heat or cold. Humidity or lovely gorgeous summer weather :)

I started too fast. I knew that after about 5 minutes. But I soldiered on until I couldn't go any longer then slowed down a bit. That's when I got passed by a few people but to my delight, I ended up finishing ahead of a few of them. Gawd, I'm competitive... lol During the run, one of the coach caught up with me and told me about my form. I like that because I don't always remember to stand erect with my arms moving (at least the arms were moving...) so I was happy to be reminded. We had a little tiny hill at one point. Not really a hill but more like an overpass. And I felt like my lungs were about to explode at the top of that overpass. Of course, NOT having water AND the heat/humidity being so high didn't help matters one bit... Once we turned the corner to start our journey home, I remembered that sometimes at spin class I get winded and think "I can't go on, this is too much" and I take a short break, 30 seconds or less and I'm able to start again and be stronger. That's what happened. I slowed down a little bit, was able to catch a traffic light (they were VERY welcomed during that run...) and rest a little bit. And this helped me to recuperate a lot and finish strong.

A group of the faster runners were waiting for us at the end, cheering us on. This is a great way to finish. I'm not sure it will always happen but it was fantastic to know that you were not forgotten. This is what team training is all about. Motivation, support, encouragement. You still get the thrill of accomplishing something, you can still be in your bubble (I thought I'd be the social butterfly last night, nope, tempo runs are NOT the time to be social... note to self, music in ears from now on) and yet, run with a group that motivates you just by being with you. I like that, I totally like that. Of course, I'm an urban animal so I like people :)

Tonight is the pace trial. We will run a 10k at race pace and this will determine which pace group to follow during the clinic. I'm hoping to be in the 4:30 group but am prepared to go in a slower group if needed. When I plugged the info in the McMillan pace calculator, it gave me an estimate of marathon time at 4:27 so I'm good with that. Of course, as the training goes on it may change but so far, I'd be happy with that.

Motivation

2011-06-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

This

Week 2 in progress

2011-05-31T08:06:00.000-07:00

Week 2 is off to a good start. Motivation is definitely present. My lsd run on Sunday was a bit challenging and I'm definitely looking forward to be part of a group again but recovery spin class last night was totally enjoyable. I'm not overly keen on intervals and was finding them challenging as I'd be dying in the next workout (speed) but decided a while ago to finally embrace them and make them my friend.

Boy what a difference in results when you decide to go with the flow instead of groaning that you hate something? The frame of mind is totally different and the results are simply awesome. I'm not using uber resistance but just enough to make it challenging. And I pace myself. And I reap the rewards, big time.

So when the next workout comes along, I can do my last race at top pace to the end instead of dying on that bike. What a rush...

Tonight is my last time running with the Rats until after the marathon in September. I need 4 runs to be considered a Rat therefore being invited to the socials, etc... I like the group and there is definitely some amazing runners there. Plus it gives me more opportunities to socialize, because that's what running is all about... socialize!

Tomorrow is 10k tempo. I'll have to set up the program on my watch and will do it from work. I cannot go home, change and go out again, especially if it's hot/humid like it will be tonight. This will most certainly keep me home. If I bring my stuff to work, the motivation to do it is still there at 5 pm :)

The joys of running

2011-05-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

Today was a great day in the running world. Many of my friends were running the Ottawa Marathon, some did the half, one did the Toronto Women's Half, one ran in Calgary and a few took part in the Cabot Trail. One even did an 80k race on Saturday. Yes, racing season is truly well under way.

I remember well how I felt last year when I had to deal with my first DNS. It was hard. At times it was more than I could bear. I made plans to still go, walk the thing if I had to but it was so hard to have to give up the chance to be with a bunch of runners who shared my love of running. Of course, all these plans couldn't happen because there was no way I could have done it and really, why would I want to put myself through the agony?

But this year is different. I could have gone to Ottawa and do the half marathon. I had a place to stay, people I could have run with. But I couldn't really do it, I have to keep my eyes on the big prize, the marathon in September.

One of my FB/DM friend, a guy I met once and didn't really talk to, did the Ottawa Half Marathon. His time was amazing 1:44 this was a HUGE PB for him. He was over the moon and for some strange reason, I was so freaking happy for him. This guy trained hard and well to go where he is not. He made sacrifices, he learned so many things during his training, he never took anything for granted and most certainly not his ability to run. He posted something on his status that he feels alive when he runs. And we all feel this way. Some feel it naturally, some discover it because they started later in life. So well done Stephane. We are all so proud of you.

So once all this emotional following ended, I went out to do my lsd run. A bit later than I wanted and I ended up being very warm at the end. The GPS took forever to kick in. No matter what I did, it just wouldn't work! I was a bit tired, took me a while to get my groove but eventually all settled down pretty nicely. I also made intimate contact with a puddle of mud. Most of my shoe was covered in mud. Oh I was mad. This pissed me off to no end. Many choice swear words could be heard on the trail... But eventually the show must go on. I ended up looking at it like a badge of honour, a very dirty one of course and now the right shoe looks pretty white compared to the brownish white of the left shoe. I don't know how long it will take them to dry after the cold bath :)

Regardless, I am feeling more than ready to start marathon training, after what I encountered today, I'm ready to tackle whatever challenge gets thrown my way. Albeit in less than perfect looking shoes... Edit: I used a friend's suggestion of simply washing them and am happy to report that they now look sort of back to normal :)

I think I have found my tattoo for when I complete my marathon. I think this one is really nice. There is another one that I"m considering and I will post it later.

Week 1

2011-05-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

Week one has come and gone. I did 3 runs last week, out of the 5 I was supposed to do. Not bad, considering I also did spinning twice. I decided to replace the Thursday run with a spin class and run on Saturdays and Sundays. I don't want to overdo it even though it seems like it could be overdoing it when you look at the schedule.

Sunday - LSD run
Monday - Spin class and yoga
Tuesday - Running (for now, with the Rats so I can FINALLY be invited to socials)
Wednesday - Running (followed by burgers and beer!)
Thursday - Spin class
Friday - off
Saturday - Running, usually a shorter distance, around 6k

So far, I did the Sunday, Tuesday and Saturday run. Not a bad start to my training. The running clinic hasn't started yet so I'm doing it on my own except for next Tuesday, my last run with the Rats.

My legs/foot were bothering me a little bit yesterday, what almost felt like shin splints on my left leg was starting to emerge but all was well this morning. So I set off before 9 am. I was too impatient to wait longer. It was nice, foggy a little bit yet not as cold as I had feared. I wore short sleeves with 3/4 tights. Definitely have to start wearing shorts again. The thing with me is that I'm not overly comfortable with shorts and I guess the way I run makes it that I can chaffe my tights a lot at the beginning. Very uncomfortable. So I may splurge and get a pair of Lululemon running tights that have mesh at the back. I saw a woman wear them at the Oakville race.

All in all, a good week. Next week will be better then before I know it, I'll be back running with a group 3 times a week. This will definitely help. I'm ready, strong, full of determination to do AND do it well!

And so it starts...

2011-05-19T10:56:00.000-07:00

My journey is finally about to begin...

Marathon training. Running, cross training, brunch eating, beer drinking and burgers inhaling for the next 18 weeks. Bliss most of the time, probably with some tears and cursing along the way. But I want to do it, I want to be part of the other gang. The one with the “M” after their name, as in Joe Average, marathoner… Nothing worse than being the odd ball…

One of the disadvantages of training for a race that is in a different province is that sometimes it’s at a different date than the race the group is training for. Example, the goal race of the clinic I’m taking is Scotiabank Waterfront Marathon on Sunday, October 16. My goal race is Montreal Oasis Marathon, on Sunday, September 25, 2011, 3 weeks before. So my schedule is a little different than theirs. At first I felt a bit stressed about it as I tend to be the type to follow something to the letter. But I since found out that there is a group that is training for a race in Berlin that is the same date as mine. So I’ll have a group to either run with or have the same schedule.

I waited a long time for this. 2010 was supposed to be DA year but my foot decided that no, I needed more time to think about this. Maybe in hindsight it wanted to do it on its own, as in me only instead of being part of the original trio. Who knows... all I know is that it created a new person inside myself. Stronger, more determined than ever. I am A runner.

I’m ready, I feel strong, I have already run up to 32k, I can do this. Bring it on…

Oakville Mercedes-Benz 10k

2011-05-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

The Mercedes-Benz Logo is the medal

In anticipation for the marathon clinic starting Tuesday, June 7th, which is 30 days from now if anyone is counting, I have been running with the marathon clinic as much as I could. Which means once a week, long slow distance runs. I am concentrating on endurance rather than speed.

The route

When we went to the Scotiabank Marathon last year, we saw the booth for the Mercedes-Benz 10k race in Oakville, Ontario. And I thought "self, what a nice medal... " cause ya know, it's all about the medal sometimes :) it's all you need to get motivated to do/train for a race...

In January I convinced my two friends, Thomas and Aestus, to do the race with me. It's somehow local, cheap and somehow easy to do. I mean, 10k... 1 hour work right?

Basically I didn't train for it. In fact, I forgot! LOL So I arrived at the start line with just mileage in my legs. No speedwork, hills, or tempo run. Just slow mileage with one or two additional runs during the week. I did increase spin class to twice a week to keep the cardio up. I'm totally excited to do the race but at the same time, a little apprehensive, as I always am when I find myself with a bunch of other runners. Can seem to shake it.

Aestus, Me and Thomas

So the gun goes off and we're surging forward. I decided to place myself a little ahead of my friends. Not that I didn't think they could keep up with me but my last experience of a shorter distance race taught me that there are a LOT of walkers/slow runners at the back. So I got at the end of the 50-60 min group. I started a little fast and I would end up paying for it a bit.

But it was a fun run. I ran by feel mostly. Not keeping to a certain pace, in fact, I didn't even look at it. My Garmin is now set up to go 60km in the "simple" program so that's what I did. Hit go and run. Hindsight 20/20 I should have done the 10/1 but I do want to get away from it.

With my favorite OMM shirt

Water stations are a bit off. I've examined the course ahead so I know the first water station is at the 3k mark. I'm not carrying water or gels. I'm totally dependent on the water stations. I take a walking break at the station so I can drink slowly. It helps a bit. I start again. Around the 6ish k mark I'm struggling a little bit and my friend passes me. I get a little disappointed in this as I know I've been slowly but surely losing time. But at the same time I'm telling myself that it ok, I can do it. Not much long to go. At the 8k mark, I start to perk up. Things are going well and I start increasing pace significantly at the 9k mark. Once we get to the turn to the chute, I really pick up. Stride lengthening, heel striking, arms moving. I'm sprinting. There isn't anybody in front of me, I'm really giving all I have. This is the time when I usually get very scared of tripping and falling flat on my face. No idea why but I always think about it.

Yep, heel striking all right...

Once I cross the finish line, totally out of breath, I stop the Garmin and finally look at it. 57:05. I'm totally over the moon. I'm so happy! Someone put a medal over my head and I keep telling them I had a PB! I see my friend who passed me before and he's also did extremely well, 55 and change. I'm so happy.

We wait for his husband to arrive, he comes in at 1:01 which is great considering the guy is sporting an injury. We get our stuff and head over to his sister to have a well deserved shower and brunch. It's also his birthday so we had arranged for a surprise birthday cake. Sooooo good...

Overall, I learned a lot at this race:

My new motto

1. My fitness is very good. If I can do 57:04 without any training, I can just imagine how much faster I would be with the proper training.
2. Cardio is good, what's lacking is the strength in the legs and maybe find a good pair of shoes for me. I got a blister with the Mizuno and my index toe was burning as I was running.
3. I really need to work on running steady. Again, part of training.
4. Cream of wheat, while very tasty is NOT enough in my tummy. I need oatmeal.
5. I look damn good in that new outfit :)

I think I look pretty darn good...

Next race is the Pride and Remembrance 5k in early July.

Continuing my journey

2011-04-18T13:35:00.000-07:00

The Slow group at the halfway mark :)

Yesterday was another milestone for this Marathoner-in-Training. I ran 29km in 3 hours 20 minutes. Yes that long and that far. I couldn't believe that me, little ol' me who 5 years ago wouldn't have dreamed of running, did it and felt relatively well the day after!

It was a little intimidating I admit. My friend/neighbour couldn't run that day so I was on my own. Weather forecast was calling for mixed precipitations and mixed bag we got! Cold, wind, rain, snow, hail even. And to make things THAT more interesting, a little bit of sunshine. Enough to think that this wasn't that bad after all :)

Corner of Jarvis/Esplanade

When I got ready that morning, I discovered that my Garmin went to 96% within 10 minutes of being taken off the charge. Huh-oh... that's not good. I'm hoping it will last. I also noticed the bezel is extremely sensitive to any touch. So I set up my workout to simple, plug in the distance (adding a little more in case the route turns out to be longer than 29km) and lock the bezel. GPS doesn't kick in quickly, in fact, it didn't kick in for at least 1km. This proved to be good for my mental state as I always added 1km to the distance lol

I ran again with the slower pace group. I'm rebuilding mileage, not running a race. And this is totally unchartered territory, I've never run this long. I have done enough training/races to know that I have to conserve energy if I want to last. At least I'm not THAT green... I've learned the hard way that it's better to be more conservative during training so the recuperation is faster. Last week I noticed that a guy likes to take pictures during the run. We since became friends on Facebook so I am prepared with my best smile! We chat in French a bit for a while, he's from Quebec City and has been in Toronto since 1988. You can tell he's a good runner, he has the fluidity that I'm aiming for.

It's sunny but temps are cool. I take off my gloves and unzip my jacket. I briefly consider taking it off but decide that it's too much trouble and keep it on. I will eventually be VERY happy with this decision. We are running on a trail by the river. I know we're going to climb stairs and I AM a bit worried that they will be flying up those stairs. But I happily notice that they climb them slowly. Nice... I like the route, it's varied, with not too many hills. There are some inclines but they are totally manageable. Pace is good, the pace leader is very set in "keeping the pace" and for that, I'm feeling totally confident that I will be able to do the run.

I couldn't stop laughing!

As we go up Broadview, rain starts then moves on to snow. Big fat snowflakes. Wind too. What a mix. I quickly put gloves back on and zip up my jacket. Everyone groans as we have to fight the winds and the rain/snow. I laugh and laugh... we finally arrive at Danforth and turn right to go east. A woman crosses our path at a traffic light and say "you guys are hardcore" and I chuckle to myself. Hardcore? That's nothing!

The wind!!!

Pace is still good, the group is very compact. I like that. Nothing worse than being on your own. Pace leader is doing her job well. We finally reach DA point in the run where we're about to enter a park with no water, no bathrooms, no traffic lights. I'm happy because there is nothing worse for your training than to have to stop at every single traffic lights. You need to get used to do the complete 10 minutes without stopping.

Didn't quite like the bridge...

Legs started to feel the workout halfway through the park. I'm starting to think... what if I cut it short? what if I turned around and go home? I could... easy... I simply couldn't do this. As much as it was tiring and I enjoyed the, too brief, walking breaks, it felt good to start running again. So I decided to use this run as a mental preparation for what's in store for me over the summer.

Some of the funny signs :)

Finally we complete the loop, turn around and make our way to exit the park. Close to the exit, I start to calculate how much further we have to go. I know that we have only 9 kms left. I start to panic, will I be ok? what if I get injured? Then I slap myself... 9km! you can do it! You do it all the time! Break it down into chunks. That's what you always say to people. So 9km is 3 chunks of 3. See? easy... by the time I finished thinking about all this, it was already down to 8km. The group is silent, people don't chat as much. I see some are getting tired. In some strange way, it makes me feel better as I realize that I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Soon we're at the bike trail. And that's when the hail started. The wind is very strong and the hail stings the face. Ouch! We soldier on... but really, what choice do we have? walking? you're still going to be in that shit. Might as well get it over with.

ARGH!!!!! it stings!!!

For some reason I thought we were going to a certain street but no, we're turning north a few blocks before. yay! Bonus! We turn north on Bay Street and that's when the enormity of it all hit me... I've done 29k. I've run 3 hours, 20 minutes. I've done it. I've done it!!!

I mention it to the group and congrats, high fives abound. Runners really are a good bunch. The good ones, the ones who don't feel it's a pissing contest or compare themselves to others. That's the group I'm in. I feel welcome, I feel like I belong.

We get back to the store and I have some left in me to do my little sprint towards the store. Not speed, just a sprint. I feel amazing. I go for brunch with the group, again, feeling accepted and welcomed. Picked up a few good tips on upcoming training and reassurance that I will be ok.

In the brief moment of sunshine!

I did it... another milestone on my way to become a marathoner.

Goals, milestones, and challenges

2011-04-12T13:23:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I decided, on a whim, to jump and follow the big guys, the marathon clinic. For some reason, until you conquer the marathon, you’re like the kids in the playground, the older ones wear the long pants and you’re still wearing short ones. You haven’t quite “made it” yet. It’s not that you’re less of a runner than they are but there is a certain respect in having conquered the distance.

Because the marathon is a distance to be respected, all 42.2k of it. It takes no prisoners. Many have attempted to do it without any training, some have conquered it but many more failed. Even with training many have failed.

My current goal is to build my mileage so I can arrive at the start of the training with a good, solid base. So on Sunday, instead of doing the 18k that the half marathon clinic was scheduled to do, I quietly moved towards my friend and asked “so what’s your distance again?” When I heard the answer “we’re doing 23k” I immediately knew I would go with them. Of course, as soon as the words left my mouth, doubts entered my brain. Ack I thought… why did you say this? But I also felt a strange trepidation.

So we went outside to get our satellites and off we went. A group that had a good slow pace, in the 7:00 km/h range quickly formed. This is the pace I usually try to maintain in my long runs so I was happy to just follow them. I’m thinking, I can do this. People are chatting, catching up on news, discussing the weather, what they did the previous evening and so forth. It’s very social. I know a few people but I’m keeping in my bubble as I don’t want to run out of energy too quickly by yakking too much. I’m taken aback that the group run very closely to each other. There is a guy who keeps taking pics while running. He keeps bouncing off and click! A pic. Click, another one. All I see are flashes and I’m never prepared so I don’t smile in any of them…

Overall the run went very well. I did get tired towards the end and my form really suffered. I started to heel strike, which is not good. But I know that I will eventually get used to it so I’m not overly concerned now. But the HUGE milestone for me was to do 24k. I had never ran that long before! I couldn’t stop smiling and kept saying, probably to the annoyance of everyone within earshot, OMG I can’t believe I ran 24k!

I also ran .78k barefoot. In the pouring rain and on freezing pavement. And I discovered that yes, concrete is MUCH more comfortable than tarmac or asphalt. Oh yes…

My challenge will be to find THE perfect shoes to start training. I’m committed to go minimalist yet at the same time I’m a bit scared of it. What if I’m not ready? What if I get injured? Will I have the wisdom NOT to push through and seek help or take the necessary step back to deal with the issue?

So in my quest for the minimalist shoe that is good for me, I stumbled upon many websites and lots of good information. Which is great because I have no clue but at the same time, it made me even more confused than ever. Then I narrowed it down to 3 brands. They are:

Asics Piranha SP3

Saucony Grid Type A4

Mizuno Ronin

I used the first two brands before but never Mizuno. I read good things about this one so I’m going to check them out. The problem is finding a store that has them all at the same place. Right now, it seems next to impossible. But I’m not giving up, not yet.

In the end, I may end up continuing running in the Zoot ULTRA Tempo+ 2.0.

Until then, my next race is the Mercedes-Benz 10k in Oakville on May 8. Bring it on, I can do it!

Around the Bay 5k

2011-04-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, I took part in the 5k race of the “rite of passage”, Around The Bay race. This race is being promoted as Older than Boston and is used as a time trial or training run for the Boston marathon, depending on who is running/racing it.

My friends were all doing the 30k, me being the conservative soul that I am, didn’t want to overdo it and jeopardize my racing year. Although I “am” cured of Plantar Fasciitis, I am still fragile, I can feel it sometimes. Ok, this may make me paranoid but I really don’t care. I've never been a dare devil.

But when I heard that a friend was not able to attend the 5k race, I threw caution to the wind and asked for his registration. I was willing to pay the fee but he gave it to me. All I had to do was pay the $15 transfer fee because frankly, I had no interest in running as Dan, especially when said person is UBER fast!

I’m excited. I’m going to race and I’m going to be with my friends. Best of all, I’m going to be at the race that I had to tell everyone last year that I couldn’t do because I was injured. This was the beginning of the year from hell... Running this race felt like redemption.

Pre-Race Day

I get the rental car Saturday morning then pick up my two friends to drive to Hamilton to pick up our race kits and go to expo. I love that expo. It’s full of deals. I think it’s because it may not cost as much to have a boot there so the savings are passed on to us runners. And what stuff they have. I score a pair of pink Zoot in size 9 for $50! Way cool. I immediately decide to wear them for the race. I also try on a pair of Mizuno but don’t buy them. This I still regret. I get tempted with other deals but I also remember the credit card balance from Paris.

I get my bib number, 8462 and race kit. I couldn’t get the Tshirt size changed so large it has to be. Too bad cause it’s a nice one and technical material instead of cotton! We get the a disposable time chip. I guess they’re cheaper to produce? I’m not keen on those. I’ve seen too many of them on the ground at Sporting Life 10k race. So I tie it extremely well.

We then head out to Ikea and Costco. By the time we are finished, I’m TIRED!!! Exactly what one is not supposed to do before a race! Home for a well deserved nap then heading over to the neighbours for some pasta. Gotta load on them carbs!!

It has been a while indeed since I’ve prepared for a race. Paris was different. It almost didn’t feel like a race, if that can ever be. So I had to go through my normal routine… Clear out everything and lay out all my stuff on my dining room table. Outfit, shoes with timing chip securely fastened, jacket, gloves, head band, iPod, race belt, Garmin nearby charging. We’re leaving at 6:45 so I have to go to bed early.

Race Day

I slept very well, not nervous at all and get up at 5:30 am. I need time to work up an appetite, get ready/sorted out and maybe deal with last minute stuff. I drink my lovely espresso and eat a little something eventually. Man it takes me a long time to get hungry in the morning, even worse on race day.

Make it over to the neighbours place and off we go. Aestus is feeling a bit under the weather so he’s in his bubble. Thomas is also nervous, I think, but he’s hiding it well, as always. We make it to Hamilton in almost record time and hit Tim Hortons for a coffee/bagel and take in the atmosphere. It’s full of runners! I also see a friend, Sherlita who is doing the 30k. I only have coffee and I come to regret this. I get so hungry waiting for the race to start!

I have to check in my bag because I’ll be finished way before them so we also leave their stuff in the car. We parked it closer to the highway as last year we got stuck in the worst traffic jam eva… not something I want to repeat this year. We get to the Coliseum, I leave them at the Running Room boot and go find the baggage check area. Copps Coliseum is a zoo. Full of runners. This race IS popular, it always sell out and is extremely well supported by the community. Toronto can learn a thing or two about it…

It’s a beautiful, sunny but cold morning. No wind to speak of. Perfect day for a race, couldn’t have asked for better temperature/weather. At 9:00 ish we start to make our way outside. Of course, it’s full of runners so the trek to the front door is very slow… one of my former LTR student is doing the 30k and she is petrified. Riddled with second doubts and anxiety, she has this look of pure terror in her eyes. Sean and I get her close to us so they can start together. I get into “supporter/encourager” mode. I want her to do well, I know she will do well. But she has to learn to believe it.

9:30 the gun goes off. And the thousands and thousands of runners are off. ATB really has to start setting up corrals because it’s a free for all. I take a few pictures then make my way to the 5k start line. We’re off at 9:45. I finally get there and seed myself not too far from the front. 9:45, the gun goes off and we do too. I thought I had a good position but I quickly realize that I should have been closer to the front because there are LOTS and LOTS of walkers and they’re NOT power walking, they’re STROLLING!!!

So I do a fair amount of zig-zagging for the first kilometre, passing a lot walkers and runners. My pace is good, not too fast, just perfect. I’m wearing the pink ZOOT I purchased the day before and as always, analyze every single feeling I have in my legs/feet. All is good, a little sensation in my right heel/foot but nothing major and it quickly disappears. Breathing is good, pace is ok, I’m passing people. I had set up the Garmin for 2.5km intervals. When I arrive at the water station, I quickly signalled for water then walked my 1 min break. I start running again before the end of my walking break. The last bit is definitely hilly. Once I reach the top of the last one, Copps Coliseum is in view. Nice. Home stretch! I start thinking about how I want to finish. I feel strong so decide to make it a race and go for it. I start to overtake runners. I like overtaking runners... I turn the corner, crowds are cheering on so I go even faster. Soon we get to the entrance and it’s a steep downhill. I am not worried about it, I’ve done my hills training well. I embrace it and speed down that slope. I turn the corner and then see the finish line, I give all I have left. By the time I crossed the finish line my lungs were burning and I was totally and utterly happy. I had done the race in 28:46:53, not a PB like I thought but still a very respectable time.

I get my water, get into the finish area, get handed a plastic bag then realize it’s for the goodies… and a medal! I get a medal! The official photo is really crappy but I don't care, I don't do races for the photos... I do them for the bling!

I slowly make my way to the baggage check, pick up my bag and settle myself to wait for my friends. I feel good, I feel happy I feel accomplished. But most of all, I really feel like I’m back. I slept very well that night...

Next goal is Mercedes Benz 10k on May 8. Bring it on....

Race Report

2011-03-22T11:14:00.000-07:00

Now that I am back in my routine, it’s time to write my race report. Before getting to the nitty gritty of it, a big thank you Julie and Sophie for being there from the bottom of my heart, you made it that much better.You guys are the best!

I arrived in Paris on the Thursday before the race. This was planned mainly to see how much time I’d need to get over the jet lag. Now I know, if I deal with it correctly, two days are all I need.

Morning of race. I had set up the alarm for 7:30 AM but it didn’t go off because the watch was set up as 7:30 PM when it was really AM. Ack!!!! Good thing that I always wake up around 7:30. I was also totally consumed by doubts, I’m usually more confident but that day I had second thoughts as to my capabilities to run the race. The previous days had not been as smooth, i.e. walking too much, not eating enough, minimal water consumption. Basically, everything that you’re not supposed to do I did.

We arrive at the start of the race and my friend is totally unprepared for the sheer number of people and the atmosphere. In any case, she puts a brave face and dive right in the role of runner nanny she has signed up for :) She also took great pictures.

I’m in the 2 hour green corral. I’m listening to my music very low, thinking about my race strategy, time I want to accomplish and trying NOT to panic with the fact that I was not able to take the pre-race gel because I couldn’t find water. Garmin was set up to run for 2.5km/1 min walking. I didn’t want to go longer than that but hindsight 20/20, I now know I could have done it.10 am rolls in, I don’t hear the gun and we don’t move. I’m not too worried as it happens often. After all, there are 30,000 of us there… well, 26,973 to be exact. But after 10 minutes, I get frustrated and a few minutes later after hearing someone say “hey, there isn’t anybody behind us!”, I am really frustrated and go around the group muttering "this is so ridiculous" under my breath... I set off, trying to negotiate the dozens of discarded plastic bags. I hate these things… they do protect from the wind but man, they can do a number on you when you’re trying to run.

So off we go. Julie saw me and yelled at me but I’m too intent in making sure all is well, music and Garmin that I don’t hear her. The weather is great, sunny with just a bit of wind. It’s a bit busy but nothing major. A man tripped because a woman turning to see if her friends were there and it created a tumble. I’m lucky I’m not part of that. It would really set me off. I am running my race at a good pace, all is well.

First water station is at the 5k mark, just after the first timing mat. I’m at 31 something. Water station is BUSY!!! They also give oranges… this early on??? I had no idea an orange peel was that slippery… imagine dozens of it. Nightmare. Speaking of water, they don’t hand out glasses, it’s a small bottle so if you’re not going to stop or take any, don’t hang on to the sides, you’re exposing to being at the receiving end of a few bottles.

But I’m still feeling good. It’s really sunny in parts and it makes for major squinting, a bit breezy too. At one point I see a 3 hour pace bunny and I panic for a little bit... WTF? 3 hour? I'm aiming for 2:15! I had decided that attempting 2 hour would put undue pressure on me and at that point, the less pressure I have the better on me. There are tons of bands and runners are very supportive, we clap, high five spectators and sometimes the band members. Many take pictures. We’re still in the park but about to enter the city. I had forgotten about the hill but I soldier on running it while many people are walking. A petty moment here… I was happy that I didn’t have to walk it, thank you hills training!

10k timing mat is crossed at 1:01, slightly faster second 5k. Oh goodie… negative split lol

We arrive at la Bastille and I’m looking for Sophie. With my delayed start, arriving around 11 was not going to happen, it was more like 11:30. So we go around it, turn left to do our little detour along the Quais. That’s when I start to think and visualize all my friends and supporters with me. Marie-Eve running beside me, encouraging me and telling me just how wonderful running in Paris is. I see Aestus, then Thomas in the crowd. I also see Gaetan’s smiling face telling me go go go! Josee jumping up and down the way she does so well. I see so many of them. I get all chocked up, my eyes fill up with tears at the sheer joy of actually running a race again. This was my “comeback”, this was MY race. Not one that everyone else I knew was doing or had done and I had to sit it, no, this was mine, all mine. What a feeling...

We then rejoin La Bastille again. After I pass it, I feel someone tapping me on my shoulder and hear my name. Sophie was yelling at me like a lunatic. So a chain of people got to me to point her out. I had given up seeing her so wasn’t really paying attention. It’s difficult to pick someone in a crowd when you’re running… I made a beeline for her to give her a hug. I hear someone ask if she would be running with me lol I said next year she will be! Then I’m off!

But oh, seeing her gave me energy. I pass the 15k time mat and I know I’m in the home stretch. This is usually where I lack confidence and today is no exception. I know I have 6k to go and I know that I can push but I don’t know if I can sustain it. Having someone to pace me would be great. So this is the point where I need to work.

We get near the entrance of the park when I feel something hit my ankle. It’s a pebble that is getting IN my shoe at every step. Finally it settles firmly in the middle of my heel. There is no way I’m taking a chance of having my foot screwed up by this. I’m not doing 6k with that. So I stop, hit pause on the Garmin (force of habit), bent with stiff legs to undo my shoe and take the bloody thing out. I tie my shoe a little too tight, I can really feel it. Here I am with a shoe that is too tight and the other one that is just right. Ah the joys of racing…

We really get into the home stretch. Crowds are getting thicker so it can only mean we’re near the end. I’m starting to increase my tempo and overtake a few people. I pass a guy who look spent, his friend comes behind him and tap him on the shoulder to encourage him to run, he shakes his head and say “no, I’m done” My legs feel heavy and I’m tired but I want to shave off as much as I can. I cross the finish line, I’m out of breath but happy. I look at my Garmin and it says 2:09. I’m almost jumping with joy but remembered that I had stopped so looks like 2:10 is what I did. 2:10:57 is the official time.

I line up to get the “puce” off my shoe, get my medal, grab half an apple, a bottle of water and Powerade. We walk slowly out of the corral and I make my way to the family meeting area to look for Julie and Sophie. I finally put the plastic poncho on as I’m getting cold. I look and look and can’t see them. I start to panic as I have nothing on me that can take me home, no money, no key, no phone, nothing. Finally I hear my name and they’re there! The relief!! We hug, we take photos, we talk then we head home. Coming back by subway was surreal for them. It was completely overtaken by runners. They had never seen this before.

Went home, took a well deserved shower, had a coffee, and set off to Montmartre with Sophie to meet a friend, then meet Julie and have dinner at Sophie’s place.

I felt good, strong, happy that I completed my first official race since I got injured. But at the same time, it feels a little surreal, kind of like it’s over too soon. Not re time but the whole thing. I think it comes from being the only runner in the group. When you’re surrounded by runners, you talk ad nauseum about it. You rehash, you relive every moment, comparing stories, aches and pains. I wasn’t able to do this even though I had the BEST cheering team one can hope for.

I am so happy that I did this race in Europe. And I learned that...

First, don’t fly in too early. Arriving day of expo is enough. This will avoid falling into the temptation of doing too much in the new city. You arrive, pick up race kit, rest, then race a few days later.

Second: take sleeping pill for the first night, then rest more the next day, maybe have a short run to loosen up the legs and then the race. My extra day didn’t help.

Third: pay close attention to what/when you eat. Too easy to not eat enough.

Fourth: arrive well in advance. It’s different there than it is in North America so giving yourself plenty of time to orient yourself is a good idea. Nothing worse than arriving late and not do what you’re used to do.

Fifth: Take a water belt with at least one bottle. You can refill it and you don’t have to stop at water stations. I wish I had that instead of carrying a bottle.

With this newfound knowledge, I can’t wait to do the marathon next year. It will be a blast.

Now I'm getting ready for Around the Bay 5k on Sunday. Bring it on...

The end of the line...

2011-03-02T07:09:00.000-08:00

So this is it. End of training, end of my journey. Well, not quite... the race itself is the destination. I enjoyed the journey far more than I thought I would. During the first few weeks, I was ok, still feeling strong but I quickly realized I needed to make adjustments. So spinning 3 times a week became 2, then only once. That was hard because I really really like spinning. But I had to make a choice. I couldn't have it all. I had a few scares, like the tumble I took in the snow, the hamstrings that were not too happy with me, the bad runs but also the most wonderful, exhilariting and rewarding ones.

So here I am, 4 days before the race. DA RACE!!! the Paris Half Marathon! I will be there, with number 30582, in the 2 hour corral... lol not sure why I put that time, must have been the wine I consumed that evening but one day I really want to break that barrier. I have it in me, I know it.

Reflecting on my journey... I have so many people surrounding me in this race, how can I feel alone? My friends who have seen me struggle during my injury, the ones who took some of the frustration but still loved me no matter what, the new friends I met along the way with whom I feel such a connection. All have been instrumental to my coming back. I was ready to give up. Totally give up and say screw this, I'm not going to head out for a run anymore, I'm done. But I met this wonderful group and was able to get myself into it by providing help. I always like to help people. It's in my nature. And eventually the desire to head out and deal with the discomfort knowing it would soon go away won and before I knew it, I was running. Not far, not fast but not in pain. THAT was awesome.

And then I investigated minimalist running and discovered that I. TOTALLY. ENJOY. IT! it's something I definitely want to do more. It helped, it truly helped. I feel nimble when I head out wearing my Vibrams. Of course, one decision was to do my training wearing shoes. I couldn't attempt a half marathon training until I have at least a year of solid running with VFF. Any less would be inviting injuries. And that's one thing I want to do, avoid injuries.

Playlist is being fine tuned, outfit is packed, official paperwork in my bag so I can collect my bib, Garmin is set up, I'm ready to do this.

Thank you to my friends for supporting me during my journey and most of all thank you to my body for letting me train without rebelling. I was much, much appreciated :) I look forward to the next big step... Montreal Oasis Marathon.

Running Bores

2011-01-25T07:49:00.000-08:00

You know the people you meet and all they can talk about is running and everything related to it, be it workout, VO2whatever, gait analysis, nutrition and the ever present PB at the latest race. Then you have the ones who will tell you they used to run and they were sooooo good but can't run anymore, it ruined their knees. Ditto for the ones with nutrition, obsessively calculating every single calorie they ingest. When you meet one, you avoid them like the plague...

I almost became one. Well, truth be told, I am one sometimes. But I'm getting better. It's not engulfing me as much as it used to. I realized when I got injured that running and anything related to it was becoming my whole world and I was in grave danger of switching to the dark side with no chance of getting back in the land of the living.

I used to call it being passionate but now I know better. It IS boring. Yes, running is fun, it keeps you fit, thin and it's bloody enjoyable. However, there IS life outside of it. The world is lovely and full of interesting people, things, places, events. I want to experience it again. I'm back running and training for my race but being obsessed by it? No more. Besides, I'm going to be in Paris in 6 weeks!

Finding help

2010-12-05T10:07:00.000-08:00

I'm the type of person who likes running with people but mostly staying in my bubble AND run on my own, listening to music and again, being in my bubble. It's funny because I do consider myself a social person, I like to meet people but when I run, I prefer to be in my own thoughts. I'm not keen on chatting although I do it once in a while but overall my running is done keeping to myself.

I like running with a group - it paces me. There are times when I feel tired or cold and I want to take a break but running with a group stops these bad thoughts right there and keep me in line. Not to overly push myself but to keep myself honest. I've discovered that I've been having them a little more than normal in the last few weeks and this is usually an indication of something not "quite right"... so methinks it's time to reconsider a few things.

Cross training. As was mentioned to me last week, it looks like I do too much of it. At first I balked and said "no way!" but given how I was feeling today for the first half of the run, I'm starting to think that spinning 3 times a week IS indeed a bit too much. So I decided to give up the Monday night's crazyness and concentrate on doing a bit of yoga at home. OR I can start work a little later (9:30) and then leave at 5:45 ish to make it to yoga at 6:30. That's an option...

Tuesday run: I loved running with the Running Rats but they are way way too fast for me. And while I understand that it takes a while for a group to accept the new kid on the block, if said kid is back of the pack they don't seem to even pay attention, let alone talk to you. I think I need to work on my pace before I can rejoin the group. I will still combine the two days but will do it on my own. Doing a 7k run at a pace almost a minute faster than my steady run is not what I should be doing now even though I feel elated at the end. That 7k is a pretty long 7k...

Pace group: I knew that eventually the group would split into different pace groups and I'm glad that I found a few ladies that seem to have a pace similar to mine so we're going to run together. Last week, I used this person as a pacer and it turned out that I was pacing her LOL it's always the case... regardless, I'm very happy to have a group around me so we can help each other. We also discussed how the pace was a little fast so we'll adjust next week.

As much as I hate giving up one day of spinning, I do realize that if I don't do this, once the distances really start to get longer, I will suffer. So it's a choice between cross training or running. I guess the answer is easy to find.

Paris Half Marathon, 28,277 registered, 90 days, 20 hours left....

Feeling strong

2010-11-30T07:49:00.000-08:00

When I start a training cycle, I go through many emotions, from self-doubt to knowing that I, MIT, a 50ish woman with no athletic background whatsoever and who until almost 3 years ago didn't do any of this exercising stuff, can complete a race in a time frame pretty much consistent to her private and very quiet goal (I tend NOT to advertise my goal time) and most importantly feel GOOD about it.

Granted, it's only late November, week 4 into the training and it's very early days to even attempt to estimate a time for me. Plus, I'm in recovery right? LOL yeah right... of course I am. Must remain cautious. And to a large extent, I do. But but but... a feeling of strength is coming back, the old feeling I though I had lost towards the end of my downtime, in the dark days when I started doubting if I'd ever go back into it. I wanted to feel that confidence again, I liked it.

So when I realized that tweaking my schedule a little bit did yield some good results, I started to feel strong again. Don't get me wrong, it's hard sometimes to do a tempo run, at least for me it is... it's also hard to do a powerful spin class. But I KNOW that I will recover quickly and be able to tackle that next hill/race on that bike or that my legs will feel good once I stretch after the hard run. It's the KNOWLEDGE that gives me strength.

Some go after the endorphins, I go after knowledge and it's the best feeling in the world.

Paris, here I come!

Being a good runner

2010-11-26T09:41:00.000-08:00

I frequent MANY running forums to entertain or educate myself on various topics like training, races, programs, nutrition, etc... I learned a lot about injuries too :)

This excerpt was taken from one of the websites I haunt...

"You're being a good runner when you're doing what you're supposed to be doing between runs. When you take a rest day you're being a good runner. When you eat well you're being a good runner. When you get lots of sleep you're being a good runner. Running is the whole package. Take one component to an extreme (including actually running) and you're increasing the chances you WON'T be able to run when you want to."

Yes, I AM a good runner.

Comfort Zone

2010-11-24T07:19:00.000-08:00

I'm not the type of person who will willingly goes out of my comfort zone, especially on my own. I'm a great follower but not a leader. And I'm totally cool with that.

When I started my training, I wanted to keep up my cross training and while it's working out great, it is a bit tricky to manage the whole thing and keep it fun. Not that it was starting to bore me but I knew that having some kind of physical activity, be it running, spinning or yoga every single day of the week was not well balanced. I need more "me" time. Of course, since I am not keen on reducing any of it, I looked at what could be combined and decided to use Tuesday (3k) and Wednesday (4k) into one big mofo of a run, 7k.

I also decided I was ready to push myself a little bit and join a new running group. Enter the Running Rats.

The Running Rats logo

The Running Rats is a running group that was formed in 2002 by a bunch of runners who took a marathon clinic, developed a friendship and just decided to continue running together. To many people like me, they are the unattainable nirvana of running. I mean, they are GOOD... they are experienced runners, many of them are repeat Boston Qualifyers! And they run fast. In recent months, the founder of the group had been promoting the group at various practice runs at the RR, hoping to attract more runners of any calibre (read speed?). And I thought that maybe it would be fun to join the group, so I could practice with faster people, pick up a few running tips and maybe expand my social network. I also knew that it would be challenging but hey, sometimes having a challenge in front of us is the best way to spice things up a little!

And it was. I struggled and if I hadn't kept up with my cross training, there is no way in hell I would have been able to keep up. I kept thanking my decision to spin 3 times a week. It helps A LOT. Not to make fast running easier, that's not quite happening yet and from what I heard, it SHOULDN'T be, but to make it that I can keep up with them instead of disintegrating within a few kilometres.

A few rules to join the group. Runs are every Tuesdays, we meet at 6:20 to start at 6:30 sharp! You have to run 4 times with them before you are added to the mailing list, in other words, become a rat and are allowed to attend their social every 2nd Tuesday of the month.

As the route was explained to us, I quickly realized I was overdressed so took off my neck warmer. I was wearing my Nike wind panel tights, a light long sleeve technical top and my new running jacket from Lululemon that I get sooooo many compliments about, making it that much more worthwhile about forking out over $130 to purchase it. Garmin didn't kick in for 100metres or so... grrr.... At one point I realized that I forgot to click start again so the workout ended (note to self: set up the Garmin to auto stop). Ack... one runner generously offered to let me know at the end of the run how long and how far we had gone. I also ran without music, something I'm not used to.

Came back to the store tired but energized at the same time. I had done my first ever very fast 7k steady run. I was elated. I stretched well, had a chat with a few people and went home with a real spring in my step. My legs/feet were feeling great, no tightness whatsoever.

So tonight I can take it easy, go home and do some housework/cooking/relaxing. My run was done yesterday. I'm very happy I went out of my comfort zone. The rewards will be plentiful.

Stats on the run, 7:15 kms done in 39 minutes. That's a BLISTERING pace of 5:28 km!!

Something completely different...

2010-11-22T12:38:00.000-08:00

I've often been described as Type A before, something that always surprise me unless it refers to "anal" in which case, I find myself nodding vigorously in agreement to whomever makes the statement. I'm not ambitious, I am determined, I'm focused and sometimes, just sometimes, I'm very hard on myself because it has to be done right.

So when I saw this article today it was like the proverbial lightbulb moment... One paragraph caught my eye especially:

"Heroics are often about putting our life on the line. Courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. If we want to live and love with our whole hearts and engage in the world from a place of worthiness, our first step is practicing the courage it takes to own our stories and tell the truth about who we are. It doesn't get braver than that."

I have to start being brave, even if the majority of people think I'm just "sweating the small things"...

Feeling better and decisive...

2010-11-19T11:34:00.000-08:00

When I decided to bandit the current half marathon clinic, the coach, a good friend, offered me the opportunity to be a group leader. I looked at it as something to motivate me with my recovery.

I arrived at the first day of the clinic very optimistic that it would go well and that my reduced pace would jive with the back of the pack group. Well, not so much… I discovered that I’m definitely NOT a “back of the pack” runner, no matter how I tried (and I did, trust me…) I just couldn’t slow down enough. So it left a few runners and myself frustrated.

When a few rumblings were heard from the back of the pack who felt they were not appropriately taken care of, I started to stress. I’m NOT thick skinned, I’m the first to admit it. I do not take criticism, deserved or not deserved, well. I started to dread coming to the clinic. Eventually I said to myself “self, this thing is not for you. You are NOT a back of the pack runner, never have been, never will be. Stop this pretending and be who you are, warts and all.” After the requisite feelings of guilt and failure about not being able to do the job properly, I realized that there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It’s just the way it is. I’m no better or worse than anyone. There ARE many, many runners who are faster than me and it doesn’t affect who I am.

So I decided to give it up and let another person more suited to handle this thankless job. Immediately I felt like a HUGE weight had been lifted. I was free. I was able to breathe. I was able to concentrate on ME instead of fretting about others. What a relief.

The past few days/runs have been my best so far. I was really able to push myself yesterday and my legs were thanking me for it. My lungs were protesting but I kept telling them to shut up and breathe lol

In other news, my weekly schedule of cross training/running is going very well. I'm a firm believer in cross training. Basically it goes like this:

Monday: Spinning followed by yoga

Tuesday: Running (short run, no more than 5k)

Wednesday: Group practice run (3k-4k)

Thursday: Spinning then HM clinic (up to 8k)

Friday: yoga

Saturday: Spinning (instead of running)

Sunday: Group practice lsd run followed by yoga (for another few weeks, will have to give up once the runs are getting longer)

I also decided to bring out the neutral running shoes again. I had hoped I could continue with the Vibrams Five Fingers but with winter coming and not that many months experience running with VFF, it was a case of either/or. Either I continue with the VFF but take the training indoors and risk not being able to handle running the race outside or I wear running shoes, continue training outside and be acclimated for the race. I decided the latter. I will continue to run once or twice a week with the VFF but the long runs will be done with running shoes.I will start again in the spring.

All in all, I feel very positive about my situation. Legs are feeling good, foot is manageable. My cross training is helping A LOT and the prospect of training for a half marathon is, again, making me happy.

Injuries

2010-11-17T08:03:00.000-08:00

Injuries are the nemesis of any runner. This is what sidelines you and make you go crazy. Some are real, some are imagined, some are difficult to handle while others are manageable. What every single runner will tell you though is that the worst case to deal with is the recurring injury or a new one.

These past few months, I have "met" many runners on Facebook. Some I knew from other forums, some were friends of friends and I felt an immediate connection with them. I like the camaraderie that comes from other runners, well, most runners. I cannot abide the ones who are uber competitive and view us "occasional runners" as well, not that important in the universe. Yes, I am sarcastic about them...

One of them is a great runner, a woman, vivacious like me, is probably a little more Type A than I am but it's ok, I learn a lot from what she posts on her runs. She came out of an injury and was doing very well but unfortunately, the old injury has now reared its ugly head. She's not off running but has to find a way, complete with cross training, physio and a SI belt to continue running. Her injury is far, far greater than the one I had. But it made me realize one thing. Although I am for all intents and purpose cured, there is a 5% that is still "there" and that must be taken care of if I don't want to put my 2011 plans on ice. And a big part of me is scared shitless that I will get re-injured.

So I'm rolling my calves mornings and evenings. I do my eccentric stretches after my runs. I'm careful with my cross training but I'm more determined than ever to keep it up as my running benefits from the improved cardio. I'm committed to do yoga at least twice a week, three if I can. It's such a small part of the day, it's important to MAKE time to do it. There is no way in hell I want to repeat what I went through earlier this year and during the summer.

I wish my friend a speedy recovery and I wish myself a continued positive recovery.

Found it!

2010-11-04T08:40:00.000-07:00

Found my motivation, it was in my shoes as in my feet! It was there, all along... all it needed to flood back was to go out for a great run. So last night, as I tagged along a small group, I felt it coming back in my soul and it was a great feeling. The run was hard but a good hard. I was able to keep my pace and feel strong at the finish. I had been feeling very unsure of myself, of my pace and endurance.

But today I feel strong. I feel confident that training will go well, to the best of my fitness level. Maybe not the fastest, which doesn't bother me in the least. But that I will do it smartly, intelligently and most of all, will enjoy the process because for a while, it was taken away from me. So next time I am tempted to bitch and complain about a certain run be it weather or stamina related, I will remember how many times I sat on my couch hoping that I was the one heading out while all my running friends were doing their training. I will not take my running for granted ever again. I will take care of my legs, I will not let them get tight. I will get regular massages, I will have work done on my calves. I will not let the PF go to the point it went last time if it comes back to haunt me.

I also decided to wear the shoes for my training. NOT because that's the best thing to do but for a few reasons:

1. I have been running with them somehow regularly only since September. Too soon to attempt a training schedule for a race that it in March. Plus, I've never run with them in the winter so I want to get used to them first. So I will wear them once a week, on the day that I do my own run. As of now, I plan to substitute Saturday spin class for my running but as I get stronger, I will reintroduce that short run (usually between 3k-6k) and will do it with the VFF, and

2. I'm a group leader at a store that doesn't endorse BF or VFF running. I'm not stopped from running with them at practice runs but given that the RR doesn't endorse them, I feel I have to go back to shoes.

I'm happy with my decision. I can now look forward to the upcoming training. Bring it on!

MIA

2010-10-31T07:14:00.001-07:00

Motivation is missing in action. Anyone seen it? If you do, please bring it back to me. Thank you :)

I'm conflicted and all has to do with shoewear. Who knew I'd go through this? I'm paralyzed, don't know what to do, what's best or what is to be avoided. I simply don't know what to do... back to floating without a direction. Man I hate that feeling.... :(

6 days left...

2010-10-29T06:42:00.000-07:00

And I'm ready, totally ready to take on the new goal I have set up for myself. I'm excited for the opportunity to run with a group and build up my mileage towards the half marathon in Paris. Who knew that in May 2008 I'd be running a race in Paris??? :) I love the feeling.

Last night was spin class, I hadn't done one in a week so I knew I had to take it easy and build slowly. The new release is tougher than the previous one and I thought #47 was THE toughest so far! Of course I only have a year of spinning under my belt so... still, great workout. I'm never unhappy I went but will be unhappy when I bail out for any reason. I hate missing a class. It's part of my weekly routine, just as yoga and running is.

Next Thursday will be interesting, first I will attempt to go to Awesome Abs, a 15 minutes workout. The room is located beside the spin studio. Then I will quickly change (no way I can get outside with the sweaty clothes from spinning) and make my way to the Running Room to join the running clinic. Thursdays are usually short distances so I should be able to handle both. The Sundays will be more of a challenge when we start going for longer distances which should be by week 7, so until then I can incorporate yoga after the practice run.

So until then, I'm taking it easy. Light running, no speed/tempo work whatsoever. I still have to sort out the shoe issue. I plan to go for a quick run in my stability shoes tonight and will see how my foot/legs behave. This is one area I wish I had some direction but I don't know where to go to get it. Still pondering...

A new identity

2010-10-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

Funny when you come back to a running group/environment after you've been injured. You see familiar faces but also many, many that you don't know. You see your friends and former running buddies have a brand new entourage and you feel like an outsider. Not in a bad way but it's there, nonetheless. And how could it not be? The world doesn't stop because one has an injury.

So you tag along the group, chat with the familiar faces and head out with the rest. And you quickly discover why you haven't missed it... it's FAST!!! too too fast. And you let the ego take over and you keep up. All sorts of thoughts get through your mind, happiness, fear, the endorphins are kicking in big time, you're climbing that hill so well... the cardio IS there and you silently send a few words of thanks to all the spin classes that you suffered through. Then your foot reminds you that "dude, this is probably why you got injured so for Pete's sake, Slow.The.Hell.Down!!" And you do. And then the run is done, over and you realize that bloody hell, you did a little over 5k in 31 minutes! Way cool...

I didn't hobble going home but my heel was definitely a little tender, due to the pace. A bit of icing when I got home, some good stretches after the run and spin class tonight will help put everything back to normal.

It felt good to be out there with people but I definitely will have to watch my pace so that I don't get carried away too much. I will make every effort to be a middle to back of the pack runner :)

9 days till training!

2010-10-26T10:33:00.000-07:00

On Thursday, November 4th I will again take myself to the Running Room to be a clinic bandit to the winter half marathon clinic. I plan on keeping most of my other fitness schedule so will go spinning at 5:30, then make my way to the store for the group run at 6:45. The clinic start at 6:15 but given that I AM a clinic bandit, I do not think I should take advantage of the talks prior to the running part. After all, how much can one take about clothing and shoes? I've heard it countless of time. A few of my friends/running buddies will also be there as group leaders. Although I have to admit to have been peeved at not being asked to be one, I since realized that I really do not want the responsibility of leading a group of runners.

So meanwhile, I had a plan of doing that many kilometres per week but of course, it hasn't happened... I'm still very cautious. Once the training start, I will go down in mileage so it will be good to slowly and gradually increase.

The dilemma I have now is shoewear. What do I want to wear? the Vibrams or running shoes? On the one hand, I love the Vibrams and my feet love them. On the other hand, am I ready to do most of my training in the winter with the Flows? Can I do it? I have to try them with a pair of toe socks. I think it's silly to alternate because you're not helping with the transition but at the same time, I'm afraid of getting a stress fracture on my heel. When I run with running shoes, all sorts of things happen. My toes, legs, hips, hamstrings hurt. When I wear the Vibrams, nothing. I do have to be careful on how I land on my heel though. Sometimes when my mind wanders too far my form pays the price and my heel brings me back to order.

But I do know that for winter training, the shoes might be my only choice. And with a race coming in early March, doing it with shoes might also be my only choice.

Something to ponder until start of clinic.

Onward

2010-10-18T11:24:00.000-07:00

I love this word. It's decisive, powerful, strong, full of optimism. This is how I feel. Well, I'm also tired but that's another story :)

Yesterday was much much better than expected. Earlier last week I had visions of me being curled up in a ball on my couch, not being able to get up or do anything but stare into space. While I entertained the fantasy for a few minutes, I eventually pushed the drama out of my head and decided to be an adult about it and let it be. I got great news by my chiro on Friday, I AM cured! There is no more PF in my foot... Of course, this doesn't mean I can head out and do a marathon but it means that I can start my training in a few weeks with optimism while keeping an eye out for any symptoms of IT returning. And of course with no speedwork or tempo runs. Right now, I only concentrate on my mileage. I want to arrive at the first day of the clinic with an average of 20-25k per week. This will be divided into 4 days of running with Sundays being a longer run. Days of running will be Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays. When I will start the clinic the days will be switched over to Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays in addition to Sundays. I still plan on continuing spinning 3 times a week as I really like the workout. I will though re-introduce some weight/core work into the mix.

So for now, the 3 weekdays will be 5k each and the Sunday (or Saturday depending on my schedule) long run will be 10k, no longer than this for now. No point in tiring myself. I also plan on continuing with the Vibrams. I did a 12k run yesterday and was totally pleased that my calves were NOT hurting this morning like they were last week. I can feel them when I stretch but no pain at all. This is good, very good. I don't run fast and I don't care about it. I'm running, that's what matters to me. Mix of training will come in the next cycle, next year.

Onward...

The marathon that was not to be

2010-10-15T07:15:00.000-07:00

When I decided that 2010 was the year I was to become a marathoner, I waffled to decide which one would be DA race where I'd lose my marathon virginity. I debated Chicago (hindsight 20/20 the weather would have killed me) but since I'm a colder weather runner, I settled with Goodlife Marathon. Many people told me that being close to home for your first is better as you don't have to deal with the unknown of a new city. I'm not that bothered by it, having travelled a lot but I can see how it can affect others. Besides, I wanted the gold! I have the bronze (5k), the silver (half) and I wanted to complete the collection.

Of course, all this went out the proverbial window when I got injured in February. First it was the Women's Half, then I had to walk the Twenty Valley Half. Then I realized that there was no way I could contemplate starting marathon training in June so cancelled my plans. Anyone who can relate to this, runners mostly, will understand the way I feel. Maybe not agree with it (it's irrelevant anyway) but understand. It broke my heart to have to say no, can't do it.

Then you think you're ok, you move on. You see everyone around you running, training, doing races, enjoying themselves and you keep thinking fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I. SHOULD. BE. OUT. THERE. WITH. THEM!!!! In the least likely place, you find a way to stay connected by helping others as I did on the Montreal Oasis page. You attend events even though sometimes it's friggin hard to plaster that smile on your face but you soldier on! It builds character you say... it sure does!

I have gone back to running, been running fairly steadily for a few blissful weeks and I feel stronger. But this one was special and unless something HUGE happens, there is no way I can be watching my friends do it. It's beyond my capabilities.

I will race again, I have goals, races that I registered for. I am looking forward to training again. November 4th will be a good day for me. This is the day that, after spin class of course, I will be a clinic bandit again and follow a training schedule.

Meanwhile, I will go to yoga on Sunday as I always do. I will dedicate my practice to my friends who will be running "the marathon that was not to be" and I will shed a little tear for it. Then that's it. From now on, positiveness will be my middle name.

Over and done with "the marathon that was not to be". I've now put you to rest.

Different day, different run

2010-10-11T11:39:00.000-07:00

There is a song about this.... what a difference a day makes, 24 little hours... indeed, today was better, much better than yesterday. And yet, it started strangely. Woke up early (thanks beast) looked outside, grey skies but with the promise of a better day weatherwise. But it was a cool morning, around 11 degrees.

I wanted redemption from yesterday. I wanted to go for a run today that would be awesome. I wasn't sure I could do it but I wanted to try to see how it would go. I wanted to know if I'd wimp out like I did yesterday. So I did, I went out, I enjoyed it, I didn't wimp out. I also knew that the cooler temperature was my friend and a friend will NOT let you down. I set off, keeping the same program as yesterday except that the walking breaks were longer, 1.30 minutes. After the first 2k, I knew this would be a good run. No pain, no discomfort at all. Nobody hit my hamstrings with a baseball bat. I felt happy. And I decided to go for longer, like 10k. I've never done a 10k with the Vibrams.

As I'm running my mind goes into all directions, not really settling onto anything in particular. I'm just running, listening to my music (my lsd playlist really rock!), enjoying the moment. It's effortless, I'm conscious of NOT pushing with my toes as this is the move that is sure to give you blisters. Whenever I land hard on my heel, I correct the move immediately. It's that great. Of course, by the time I'm almost home, my calves are starting to protest, saying ok, you've done your 10k now stop and rest.

I'm happy, very happy with my run. This made me feel a lot more confident about the upcoming training in early November.

Stats: Distance: 10.74k, duration: 1:13:44, pace: 6:53/km

The wheels fell off...

2010-10-10T18:07:00.000-07:00

Today was all planned... I would do yoga, then head out for my 12k lsd run. Bonus today was that the yoga teacher was the same woman who teaches on Mondays at the gym. Woohoo! I was happy. Class went very well. I left feeling energized.

Stopped at the drugstore to get a box of tissues as I still have my cold. Bleh... then a quick trip to MEC to pick up a few gels (Running Room is WAY too expensive and every $$ saved count - think Paris!). I figured the run would last longer than one hour so needed to have fuel. I'm finally ready for my run! Easy route, 6k out, turn around, 6k back. I set up my watch to run 2k straight with 1 minute walking in between. I'm want to wean myself from the 10/1 and incorporate longer distances between breaks. I feel this will help me at races. Water stations are typically placed at every 2.5k. So I set off and I'm good for the first 2k. Then I sort of miss my walking break. By the end of my second 2k, I'm fading and feeling like someone has hit the back of my legs with a baseball bat. I still continue. Near the third 2k, I turn around as I was getting close to the BIG hill and I didn't want to go down then to have to go up again.

All I could manage was one more kilometre before I stopped. I couldn't continue to run. My legs were hurting. But strangely NOT my foot just my hamstrings. I don't get this with the Vibrams. When I run with the Vibrams, I feel nimble, I am more aware of my posture.

As I'm slowly walking back the 5k to the gym, feeling like I've ran a marathon - not that I know what it feels like but walking back to the gym, I felt like I did run that distance! - I try to examine what could have gone wrong today. A few things come to mind. I'm still sick, not used to running in heat and definitely NOT used to running THAT long without any breaks. Doing just a few of them today might have been a wiser choice. I wouldn't have hit the wall that much. Next weekend I will still aim for a 12k lsd run but I will revert to 10/1s. During the week I will use the 2k/1min as the runs are shorter. And I will use the Vibrams more.

I leave the gym, stop at Starbucks to enjoy a decaf coffee and read my book. I end up staying there one hour! When I get up, my legs feel a lot better but I'm still walking home quietly.

I'm now well rested and can think about the run feeling more positive about the start of my training in a few weeks.

Lesson learned :)

Stats: Distance: 7.5km, duration: 51.28, pace: 6:52/km

Me run, me happy

2010-10-08T14:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. I have a cold. I was feeling very yucky yesterday so skipped my spin class. When one goes all weak at the mere thought of pushing the pedal, let alone climb a mountain, one goes home to rest. I didn't want to go to work the next day because it's either go and feel miserable, not productive at all and take longer to get better or stay home, feel bored out of my skull but get better quickly because I get the rest. Decision was easy, I'm staying home, sleep and get better.

I'm sitting on the couch looking outside... and the day is gorgeous. Oh it's beautiful. Sunny, warm, the perfect Indian Summer day. And I feel like crap. Head cold. Sore throat, stuffy nose, sneezing. I can't taste anything, my tastebuds are MIA. I eventually head out around 11 to get some groceries as I haven't much to eat at home. Stepping outside, I quickly discover I'm way overdressed! It truly IS beautiful out there. Warm, breezy, feels like summer if not for the tiny little coolness in the breeze. You KNOW you're not in July. It's early October.

On the way home, I think that maybe, just maybe I can head out for a run. Although I'm definitely sick, the rule of thumb is that a cold above the head, you're golden. When it's in the chest not advisable... So it's decided, I'm heading out.

Short sleeves are in order. I wear the Vibrams Sprint as I really want to enjoy the temps. For some reason, I wasn't too inspired for a route today. So I just head out and see where my feet take me. I end up going north which means it's a slight uphill but I'm ok with it. When I get home, I really felt like I could have gone on for longer so this is an excellent sign. Bonus is when I look at the overall pace, I realize that I was a bit faster than Wednesday's run! I'm happy with it but most of all, I'm totally happy with the fact that there was NO PAIN at all in either my foot, my hamstrings, and my hips. I'm into week 2 of new running and it FEELS DAMN GOOD!!!

Me run, me happy.

Stats: Distance 5.57k, duration: 37:54, pace: 6:40/km

Goals

2010-10-06T07:34:00.000-07:00

I love goals, they give me focus in my life. I love focus because it anchors me. I hate floating around, letting life happen and relish the next whatever happens to be thrown at you. I admit to be a BIG control freak about my life. I guess it's because I think that once I lose that control, I won't be able to do things... something to work on.

I'm presently reading a very interesting book called Eat, Pray, Love. This is a phenomenon that I, again, was not aware of. Apparently EVERYONE has read the book! I have to say that I recognized myself a bit in this book, who wouldn't really, she's just this average person who used to put a facade while slowly dying inside. I'm not dying, I don't fall into a bottomless pit of despair and overall I'm a very happy person. Anyway, this post is NOT about the book, after all, I am a Marathoner in Training! LOL

But back to goals... I had a whole list of goals for 2011. I was supposed to do a bunch or races, then I got injured, chucked the list, then I got better and while still officially "in recovery", I made a list of races for 2011 and I felt very good about it. Of course, this in turn made me very impatient... surprise, surprise...

One of the race I had to give up for 2011 was the Paris Marathon. I remember writing on one of my post earlier this year that I would do it no matter what, come hell or high water and other nonsense like that. Of course, this was while I had my head firmly in the proverbial sand. Delusional. Why on earth would I want to do a race that would go badly because I'm injured? Am I insane? To some runners, apparently so. THEY would do it. THEY would suffer because THEY think it's the right thing to do. Ahem... not for this princess :)

I really should stop digressing... back to the goals. So when I decided to delay doing the Paris Marathon until 2012 and thereby NOT going to Paris and see my friends, I was very sad. So sad that I kept thinking maybe, just maybe I could go for a week or 10 days? I did save the money and I'm very lucky to have a place to stay when I'm there. Ack.... so when I got a note from my friend who was so disappointed that I couldn't go, I decided the hell with it, I'm going. But being a runner, I wanted to do a race while there. The marathon is out, there is no way I can prepare to do a marathon right now but I could do the half! Europe doesn't usually mix races so the half marathon is in early March whereas the marathon is in early April. The decision was easy. I'm doing the Semi-marathon de Paris.

As soon as I registered, (super cheap at 30 euros) I felt good, strong, ready. I was doing a race that I wanted to do. So this means that the Goodlife half marathon I had planned in May is out.

The new list looks like this:

January 1, 2011 - Hair of the Dog 9k
March 6, 2011 - Paris Half Marathon
June 11, 2011 - Twenty Valley Half Marathon (date not confirmed)
July 2, 2011 - Pride & Remembrance (date not confirmed)
August 20, 2011 - A Midsummer Night's Run 30k
September 25, 2011 - Montreal Oasis Marathon

While this might look like a very ambitious list, I think it's a balanced thereby achievable list. If I do it intelligently and pay extra attention to my calves AND my cross training, I WILL be able to do them all and feel happy at the end of each of them.Cause at the end of the day, doing a great race means you can't wait to do it all over again the minute you cross the finish line :)

New training starts November 4. I can't wait.

Words to live by...

2010-10-04T11:41:00.000-07:00

I decided that until I'm completely back into running/training, my posts will be mostly on different topics or views from a runner's perspective. Once I start training, my posts will probably be more about conditions, stats etc... than anything and can be, to a non-runner, pretty boring :)

When you put a few runners together in a room, you will hear strange words like PB, LSD, PE, BQ and VDOT to name a few. Some other words can be place, gels, hydro pack, routes, swags. There are others that appear with relative frequency like motivation, determination, strength, foolishness and total abandon, to name a few... Let's talk about motivation today. As in what motivates us to lace up our running shoes (or put on our VFF or go barefoot) and head out for a run in ALL conditions because the training calls for it. It's not always easy, actually sometimes it's downright hard. Not to say that when you are totally focused about your training and know you have an early morning start on Sundays, you'll hit the sheets early on Saturday night and not go for a night on the town. When you train, you make the sacrifices and the first sacrifice you do is your social life. So what really motivate us to do it?

It's not because we're going to win, heck, most of us will NEVER, EVER place in a race. In a smaller one, your chances increase as the categories are NOT as large but in a big one, unless you're an elite, the only accomplishment you make (if you think podium and the likes) is that you'll finish the race. And this is not to put down anyone's accomplishment. I'm part of that group!

So, what motivates us?

I thought about this while running yesterday. I do a lot of thinking during these long runs. Sometimes when a tough situation/issue would happen, I would tell myself that "I will think about it on Sunday". I would think about it, weighs the pros and cons, decide what would work for me and take action. Sometimes I wouldn't even formulate the decision but the minute I had to, I would be decisive, there wouldn't be any waffling. I cherished these times. I really enjoyed these runs on my own more than with a group. Maybe it's because I've always been a loner? I don't mind my own company, I'm ok on my own. Plus it was easier to keep it slower. When I'm in a group, I tend to go faster which is great when I do a tempo run but not so much when you're supposed to do a long slow distance...

Running can be a very social sport/activity. You meet with a group and have a pre-determined route and off you go. You chat, some bitch about their spouses/partners/boyfriend/girlfriend/boss/friend/whatever. Some talk about past races or the upcoming one. Some are new runners and need reassurance that they CAN run the race. Some are veterans and earned their stripes so they just want the company. Everyone is there for a different reason and, therefore, motivation.Without it, you won't stick through the rigorous training schedule, the nutrition, the hydration, the experiments that you MUST do with fueling before the race, sometimes with disastrous results and you learn pretty early on to make sure there ARE washrooms on your route... nothing worse than experimenting with this new gel that everyone is raving about and discovering that no, it doesn't agree with your tummy. Or that your nose gets really drippy outside in the fall/winter and carrying tissues is a must. Or that the cute shirt you bought at the last expo is NOT good for a long run out. It chafes badly.Sometimes you come home from a run feeling totally dejected that it didn't go as well as you had hoped. You KNOW the next run will be better but THIS particular one makes you feel crummy.

We go through all this and soldier on but what exactly make us do it? Simple I realized... we love it. We love it and we are passionate about it.

Motivation is passion. Without passion, you don't have any motivation. You just... do. Nothing more, nothing less. You don't enjoy the training because let's face it, you might as well enjoy that 18 weeks that lead to the race because if you don't... they will feel like a long, long, long time...

I've found my passion. I thought I had lost it but I found it again. And you know what? I found it exactly where I left it, in my running shoes :)

Not your typical Sunday

2010-10-03T14:15:00.000-07:00

Before I got injured my Sundays would follow pretty much the same schedule. Get up at the crack of dawn, wait a while to work up an appetite, then meet my friends across the hall to make it to the Running Room to meet the group and head out for a run. Of course, this grinded to a halt in mid March.

Since then my Sundays were very lazy. I'd still get up early, the cat won't let me sleep past 7:30 am... beast! but I'd stay home and mope about the fact that I was not able to run. But I finally worked up the courage to show up at the free yoga class at the Lululemon store at the Eaton Centre. It's fabulous, free yoga! Who can pass this up??? When I started to run again I would go to the gym after yoga and after my weight workout, I would step on the treadmill. Then eventually I decided to join the LTR clinic at the Running Room. This was ok but I realized that sometimes the group was a bit too fast for me. I really wanted to be careful in my recovery. Plus I was attempting to wear the Vibrams Five Fingers (which turned out NOT to be too good as my foot was still a bit sore, I will definitely reintroduce runs with VFF in a few weeks.) so I had a few days when my foot was really sore after the run. I decided to start again on my own. I prefer it this way although it IS harder. It builds character :)

Last Sunday was the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon and many of my friends ran the race, some the full, some the half, some the 5k. Of course I was not able to race any of it so, as I had been doing all spring and summer, I stood on the sidelines cheering them on.

While it was great to see them do their accomplishment and be, rightly so, totally and utterly proud of it, I decided that it was high time that I stopped hiding behind the "what if I get reinjured" and head out. Ok, I said, foot, you had a relapse a few weeks ago but you feel better now, you've been behaving well for the last week, it's now time to try again. I wanted to head out on Sunday but was way too tired.

So when I had to change my plans for Monday, I decided to test the water and the results were good. Ditto for Wednesday and again Friday. Except that the wind was a bit stronger on Friday so it made a difference. But it's getting easier.

I had planned to go to yoga today then maybe the gym to prepare myself for Tuesday's session but no running, I wanted to rest the foot that felt fine :) I'm still cautious... So when I got up in a foul mood, nowhere calm enough to go to a yoga class, I decided that I really had to work on that being cautious and believe in my foot. It was a beautiful morning, I had arm warmers that were screaming to FINALLY be let out I HAD to go out for a run.

So I did. I put on my best outfit, comfy socks, filled up my bottle of water, put on my water/fuel belt, decided where I wanted to go and went out. Satellite kicked in probably 15 seconds. I like that. So off I go. It's a bit windy so I decide to go east for 4.5k then back. That way I have the wind pushing me coming back. Much easier. It's a good run, I don't go too fast but not as slow as I had thought. I think 6:40/km is my slow pace after all.

Quiet out there... not many people are out at 10 am on a Sunday morning. And this is what always made me feel so good. I was out there, doing something that is NOT always easy (let's not kid ourselves here) but that I, Sylvie, Marathoner in Training, can do! A great feeling. I started to see more runners. Then I hear my name! Someone actually knows me on this trail? I realize that it is my good friend Matt who is out with the Beach running clinic. We chatted a bit then he was on his way to join them. I was then left with my thoughts, all happy ones :)

Every once in a while I do a quick scan of my body. How do I feel? How are the legs? Foot? Breathing? Am I thirsty? Do I like the song that is playing? And all the while, my foot is behaving, my legs are ok, my endurance is slowly coming back. Of course I welcome the walk breaks.... but the cardio is definitely still there.

At the halfway mark, I cross the street and start the trek home. I really felt I could have gone on longer but I really DID push the envelope by increasing my run by 2km and didn't want to pay the price later today and tomorrow. Although I WAS getting tired at the last kilometre mark, I was still feeling good about my run. Never at one point did I think about stopping or abandoning the run.

I come home feeling more energized than when I left. I ended up spending the whole day at home but it wasn't a waste of a day, it was good. I felt better than I have been in a long time. And yes, it is ALL due to the fact that I am running.

I am back. Oh yes, I am back. And I can't wait to do it all over again next Sunday.

Stats: 9.28 km in 1:00:54 for an overall pace of 6:34/km

Temptations!

2010-10-02T16:20:00.000-07:00

I admit... I'm tempted. I've been sitting on the sidelines since the spring, having to either walk races or cancel going, I'm now feeling good and all I can think of is doing a race. Of course, what do I think? no 5k, or 10k... no... I'm thinking a half marathon... I know I shouldn't but damnit I am!

Angus Glen Half Marathon

Soooooo tempting...

I'm loving the feeling...

2010-09-30T08:14:00.000-07:00

I'm totally loving the feeling of being back into running. There were times when I didn't think I could ever feel this way again, I felt defeated, depressed, unhappy and the dreaded sense of floating with no direction was starting to creep up in my life.

Right now I feel happy. I also feel tired because let's face it my legs are NOT used to running anymore but I am happy, I'm optimistic that my recovery is truly almost done and that in a few weeks I will be ramping up the mileage, while still being cautious with no speed work and/or sudden increases in distance, to get ready for the start of my 10k training plan. I want to do a 9k race on January 1st, it's a fun race, not time chipped at all but it's such a great one to do, because you're doing something that the average person wouldn't do on the 1st day of the year. You're heading out for a run. Of course, the peach schnapps at the 4.5k mark (hopefully I will be back to my previous speeds by then so there WILL be some left when I arrive) and the lunch makes it even more sweeter and all this for $20!

I have my training schedule from the 10k clinic and will be officially starting week of October 25. Until then I will divide my time between running AND cross training. I want to continue my spinning and yoga 3 times a week and the workouts at the gym a few times. I don't feel this is too ambitious. As I'm fond of saying... it's doable :)

Then when the race is done, the training for the spring half marathon will commence...

Yep, I'm really loving the feeling...

Taking action

2010-09-27T17:16:00.000-07:00

A few days ago a seed was planted in my ear... grieve, go through the cycle then take action.

I was feeling very sorry for myself which is normal. Then the real me took over and I decided that it was enough whining and self-pity. I supported my friends for the Scotiabank Waterfront Marathon yesterday and strangely didn't feel as bad as I thought I would. If anything that evening I was thinking about going for a run!

So when the plans for tonight got changed due to me not calculating medication correctly and having to head out to the vet on the way home, and as a result had to miss spin class, I decided to go home first, change and head out for a run with a pit stop at the vet. Result 6.27k in 41:51 minutes for an overall pace of 6:41/km. And the foot behaved, no issue with the heel, actually no discomfort at all. The toe acted up a bit but nothing really. A bit of burning, must find out about this. As I was running and trying to analyse all the feelings in my legs, I remember what my friend Matt said about not letting the twinges control the legs. So I had a talk with my foot and made it understand that whatever was happening was taken in consideration but the run would continue.

I will still go to the foot doctor in early October, I will get imaging done and will ask for an xray of my foot but I will be running during the week. I have committed to do a 9k race on January 1st and I will train for it. Official training will start week of October 25 so until then, I will run 3 times a week to build up the mileage. Beside, I have to, my butt got bigger!

I'm happy, I have a goal, I have direction. I took action.

Optimism....

2010-09-24T18:28:00.000-07:00

When I first started this bog, it was supposed to be mostly about my training, nutrition, hydration, running gear and shoes, the ups and downs of running and training, the self doubts that creep during taper. All these topics that make running so darn complicated yet so rewarding. Instead, it became a soapbox for my emotions and feelings about being injured. It's not always easy to keep a happy front and encourage and support my fellow runners. The blog helped.

Today was a great day. I got to go to a running expo and spend some time with two running friends. I had been feeling left out from the community so it was a welcome diversion and some kind of reality check. Of course, the feelings of being left out are all in my head. I mean, I cannot expect everyone to stop running because I cannot run and I refuse to be the type of person who make people walk on eggshells around them because they cannot run. I simply cannot do this even if it kills me inside. But I have to say that it WAS difficult to say to whomever was asking which race I was doing that no, I wasn't racing, I was injured. Eventually I just stopped talking to vendors and said a gracious "thank you" whenever they said "have a good race" :) who are they to know???

I digress....

During our foray to the expo, with the great deals and the opportunity to stock up on my favorite headbands, Robena, I got to talk to my two friends who brought home some good truths and stuff I should be proud of.

1. I am still very active with spinning, yoga and weight lifting.
2. I am involved in the community either by supporting/cheering and be a running nanny.
3. I will go back to running. I haven't lost my enthusiasm for the sport, the fitness will come back in no time.
4. I may go through some growing pains but I shoudn't let these deter me from the big prize.
5. Next year will be sweeter.
6. Paris 2012 will be even sweeter.
7. I'm still a good person and they are proud of how I have been dealing with my setbacks.

So this made me feel better and more confident with my return. Of course, the fact that my foot was NOT sore at all after all the walking we did from 10:00 to 3:00 pm made me very happy. Looks like the forced rest of these past few days has done wonder for my foot.

So tomorrow I will head out for a run in the afternoon. To test my new running gear :)

Self confidence

2010-09-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

I will say it again, being injured sucks. Big time. I was chatting with a friend yesterday on being injured and he mentioned the word “defeated” when I was trying to put into words the way I felt. Defeated is a good one.

When I grew up, I had absolutely no direction as to where my life would go or which path I would take. It wasn’t done. We weren’t pushed to go to university or further our skills or even take up sports. We just “existed” for lack of better words. So we grew up with very limited skills. I don’t really blame my parents, they are just part of the vicious circle. Luck of the draw I guess… but this left me with no real direction in my life. No ambition either. You just did what you could and hoped for the best. Steady job, a partner for life that wouldn’t abuse you or would be an alcoholic, kids maybe?

To many I come across a very intelligent, strong, independent and maybe a little scary woman, but inside me was, up to that fateful day of May 2008, nothing. Just living from day to day, worrying about so many things, not really believing in myself. I knew I had good qualities but to be able to do something other than “be”? not likely…

Then running entered my life. I admit it was NOT love at first sight, well, not really. I liked it but it was hard. It was not until I crossed the finish line of my very first race that I discovered my passion. I, Sylvie, could do it. I could finish something, I was part of the gang. I had a number on my tshirt, I was a participant instead of being in the sidelines

Suddenly I had a direction, a purpose. I was a runner. I belong to a group! I can go anywhere, in any city on this planet, put my shoes on and go! Just like this guy I am part of an elite group. I was somebody. I exist instead of just “be”. What a feeling.

Of course since the race I had many BAD runs, some that made me wish I didn’t start running at all. But for every bad one, there were so MANY good ones and some that were even better. I had become passionate about my running and my training. Finally I was being accepted for being a runner. I could give advice, I knew the lingo, I was somebody instead of disappearing into the background because I don’t even have a highschool diploma, my job is not that glamorous and I’m on my own.

So when this got yanked away from me, I suffered a HUGE sense of loss. It was not possible! I couldn’t possibly be pushed out of the gang I had just entered. It’s not fair! And yet, yet, yet, that’s what’s happening. And I don’t mean this with bitterness or anger (that’s past) but at the same time, it is true. You can’t run, you can’t talk about your latest run or your PB or bitch about the fact that the race route was 9.85k instead of the 10k they promised! Or that the bagels they provided were bloody stale! Or that the prices of the races are going up and up and up… you can’t do that cause you’re not running!!!

I feel like I’ve been gently but surely pushed away from “the group” and it makes me very sad. I long to return to it, to be part of it again. I long for direction in my life, I want my passion back.

This morning on my way to work I started thinking that maybe, just maybe, my delay to return to running (pain, discomfort) might be attributed to my lack of self-confidence. Just like a big part of my running fitness is gone (let’s face it, there is no way in hell I could do a half marathon today), maybe these little setbacks shouldn’t deter me from pushing forward therefore regaining my ability to run, albeit slower and with the discomfort? I could control it and ok, so it will take a year or more to go away…

Something to ponder as I plan to go for a run on Wednesday.

What to do... what to do...

2010-09-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

When I first got injured and put my head firmly in the proverbial sand, the following took place in my mind:

Coming back to running in the summer would be feasible ~~ wrong.
Building up mileage to start training for the 2011 Paris Marathon ~~ wrong
Registering for the Paris Marathon in mid September ~~ wrong
Do races in the fall, short ones, like Longboat 10k, one of my favorites ~~ wrong
Have a totally healed foot by fall ~~ wrong

I know that going totally mental is not the way to go. But I'm feeling the frustration creeping up bit by bit and it pisses me off. I want to run, I want to be pain free, I want to go back to it. Plain and simple. Should be easy right? right? apparently not so. This fucking injury is hanging on to me for dear life...

And yet, it's not THAT bad. It's just THERE... ALL. THE. TIME.

No I lie, it's not there all the time. It's there when I walk and when I run. Well, it didn't happen last week when I ran with the neutral shoes. The first run was soooooo good. Oh it was good. I was floating. I was ready to kiss the ground I was so happy. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I was CURED! I was BACK!!

Then the next time I head out, I'm good for 3/4 of the run then ball of foot started to burn and burn badly. So many thoughts went through my mind and mostly went towards WTF???? Did I overdo it again? it's such a short distance... why??????

I then remembered that many people who come out of PF do have this problem. So I went through the process of elimination with mitigated success.

Yesterday I decided to do my practice run with the Vibrams again. Overall I really enjoy running with them. My left foot feels perfect. My right foot not so much. The ball of the foot and toes are good but I can feel IT on my heel. It's not pain, it's just THERE. And it frustrates me that my left foot has no pain whatsoever. I want my right foot to feel like my left foot!

I already know that the insoles are NOT good right now. I have been wearing my shoes with the orthotics all week, so far so good. I do feel a bit when I walk because it's a lot harder than the neutral shoe. My next step will be to do a short run in them and this will happen on Saturday after spin class.

Meanwhile, I booked an appointment with the foot doctor to see if an imaging can be done again just to see what's left there. My PT says it's very small, something like a small kernel and I'm wondering if it's still PF or if is has morphed into something else. She doesn't seem to think it's a heel spur. But it could be scar tissue. I think imaging might show something. I'm seeing him October 4th at 4 pm.

Given that I'm not planning on doing any formal training until February, I'm not overly concerned with time it takes to get the appointments. More than one person has taken half marathon training with very little mileage....

I want to get to the bottom of this. Right now I'm frustrated and feeling very alone in my journey. I have the support of my friends and running buddies but the light that I thought I had seen at the end of my tunnel seems to have dimmed considerably... :(

Frustrations

2010-09-12T13:51:00.000-07:00

Friday night's workout started great. Yoga was good. I noticed that I can touch the ground with my fingertips and keep my legs straight. This improvement makes me more determined to continue doing it 3 times a week. It was difficult to keep my mind from wandering outside for my run. I kept going over my route in my head... Finally the class was done and I could grab my iPod, Garmin and head band to keep the earphones where they should be, in my ears :)

I decided to do the same route as Wednesday. I like to do this to evaluate how I progress. I like to analyze my runs. It's the anal side of my personality. I like to review how it went from one week to the next. I find it very encouraging and/or a way to determine what still needs to be done.

So I set off. 8/1s. It goes well, my foot is behaving, no heel pain. Just pure happiness. It's hard to resist the temptation to go fast. I push a bit, I'm doing well. I get to the halfway point, still good. Things started to go bad with 2km to go. Burning sensation on the ball of my right foot. Then a few flare ups in my arches. Fuck. My heart sank. I slowed down, it went away. As soon as I started to go a bit faster the burning feeling returned at every single step. No more flare ups though, which was good. I finished the run feeling frustrated.

I decided to try the shoes with the insoles the next day. Mistake. By the time I was coming home, my heel was hurting and the middle toe of my right foot was giving me serious discomfort. I was heading out in the afternoon so decided to wear my Birkinstock. I was limping by the time I got home that evening. Total frustration again. On went the ankle tensor.

I wasn't sure I'd be running this morning. I was still frustrated but not sure I wanted to wear the orthotics so decided to wear the Vibrams. I immediately noticed is no pain in the ball of my foot or my toes or my shins. There is the sensation in my heel because, let's face it there isn't much cushioning on the heel but it's bearable. I'm also going slower, which is good. I'm on my own, my music is playing, the weather is fabulous and I'm doing what I love.

Once I was done, it was off to Lululemon for the free yoga class, then off to the gym to do my weight workout. Since I had done some core work already at yoga, I didn't push the crunches too much but did a few planks. My week away from the gym was making itself known... I walked home wearing the running shoes with the orthotics. Not bad sensation. I think I may wear them to walk to and from work.

Frustrating process of elimination....

Feelings

2010-09-10T07:54:00.000-07:00

When I got injured, so many emotions/feelings went through my mind. I wondered why I got injured. Why me I kept asking? Of course, these questions were not asked in front of people, mostly in the privacy of my own company but I kept wondering why. Too much? too fast? Did I ignore it this long? Could I have done it differently? Could I have prevented it instead of ignore it? All these unanswered questions used to torture my soul.

One thing that happens when you're injured and can't run and most of your friends are runners is that you get lonely. They won't stop running for you and shouldn't do that anyway. You feel out, you feel like a fifth wheel and you feel like you will never, ever be part of the group again. You think, foolishly as it turn out, that once you start running again that all will be different. Not so. You're still an outsider. You're starting again. You're back to square one. The proverbial square one. Like the runners you met many times during your stint as a running coach and that you used to groan about because they knew everything and were angry that they had to start again. But most of all, you remember their frustration. And you realize, with a heavy heart, that you are feeling that way too.

I came very close to hang my running shoes for good. I thought about quitting, just walk away from running and be done with it. I don't NEED to do this. It's not a drug, I love it but not to the point of obsession. It's a healthy passion. Now, people who have been around me when I couldn't run would probably disagree with this and say "sister/dude, you ARE addicted to running" and I probably would sheepishly agree... but not running with pain. I draw the line.

After a very long bout of not being able to do whatever I wanted, i.e. gym/yoga/spin/walk normally!, I finally got the ok from my PT to reintroduce workouts in my routine. And voila, like magic (or some would say like an addict who is finally getting his/her drug of choice....), my mood lifted, my spirits were higher, I was happier. Then I realized something... it's life. Plain and simple, it's a fact of life. Life moves, evolves, constantly changes. Never the same for very long. What's fun this week might become a nightmare the following Monday. A happy state of mind changes in a split second. I go through more emotions on my way to work than I have fingers on one hand. Sometimes I leave the house happy and arrive at work being totally depressed.

Perimenopause is no fun... being injured during that time is even worse.

So having these 180 degrees in moods have made me VERY appreciative of the good ones. They happen more often now and I will never, ever take them for granted again. I will cherish every single moment like it's the last but I will also never, ever have this "oh the world is a fabulous place and we should ALL feel blessed and oh let's all hug for it" behavior. Nah, I find it annoying, like these bible thumpers you meet that want to embrace you in their heaven (which IMNSHO is like hell). No, I'm too selfish for this. I want to embrace it quietly, privately. I want to have my own little celebration when I am going to achieve something, be it a wicked workout at the gym, a fabulous run or just go a full day without moping about the "unfinished business" that my last relationship left me with. Yes life is too short for this but at the same time, ignoring it is stupid.

So the deal I made with myself this morning is that next time I accomplish any of this I will quietly tell myself

I feel strong, I feel able, I feel alive

Optimism

2010-09-09T07:09:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling very optimistic today and of course, it has everything to do with yesterday's fabulous run... I'm still on a high!

My list had been downgraded a few months ago when it became clear that my recovery was taking longer than expected. The following is the new and improved (for now, it may change lol) list:

Hair of the Dog 9k on January 1st (a tradition)
Goodlife half marathon May 15 (my B race)
Pride & Remembrance 5k in June (this was my first race ever so it's sentimental)
Twenty Valley Half Marathon (redemption, had to walk it this year)
Midsummer Night 30k Run in August (a good benchmark for my training)
Montreal Oasis full September 11 (my A race)
Run for the Toad (I keep hearing so much about it, I'm thinking about doing it just for fun in 2011)

Of course, right now, my distances are very short but my recovery is well under way and it can only get better from this point forward. Meanwhile, I continue my cross training intelligently and take good care of my foot. But I'm finding that I'm getting VERY excited about all these races instead of thinking about quitting like I did a few times these past few months.

Optimism is a good thing :)

The run I had been waiting for....

2010-09-08T18:29:00.000-07:00

The cadence of putting one foot in front of the other, right, left, right, left. Breathe. Repeat.

I decided to do my practice run on my own tonight. Last week's debacle left me so disappointed and unable to run for a week that I wasn't interested in repeating the experience. So I decided to do my run after work, 3 sets of 6/1s and then go home. I am waffling as to continue wearing the VFF but in the end decided to go back to the Saucony shoes. They are so comfortable and I had been noticing an improvement in my foot while walking. It was almost an unfamiliar feeling... Nothing at all. Like walking should be. Without pain, or discomfort. So I put on my cutsy Lululemon shorts (I REALLY like these shorts), a short sleeve top, a Robena headband to keep the headphones on and headed outside. I had set up the Garmin already for intervals of 6 minutes with 1 minute walking. Once the GPS kicked in, I set off and was immediately aware that this was IT!!! This was the run I had been waiting for since March. Of course, bits of it are a little laborious (after all, I haven't been running regularly for 6 months!) the cardio needs work, the hydration is lacking.

BUT I WAS RUNNING!

I WILL try VFF again, once I'm fully back into it, I will definitely do one run a week with it and will start again. But right now, if I want to do my marathon next year, I have to get off my back and get it done.

So now I will ice my foot because even though the run was without pain, it doesn't mean I can neglect my feet.

A typical Saturday

2010-09-04T15:48:00.000-07:00

My Saturdays are great. This is the day where I accomplish LOTS and LOTS of stuff. I will sometimes go to the gym with my gym buddy to do a workout before spin class but more often than none, it's a lazy morning then heading out at 10 am to the local Goodlife for my spin class at 10:45. I really like that class. It's early enough so that by noon, you've done your workout. When I start running again, this class will definitely replace the running I'm supposed to do that day.

I've decided that as much as I can until the cold weather, I will take my bike to the gym so I can head out to do my errands afterwards. As in today, overall I cycled 13.5 kms overall. it rained a bit but on the whole, it was good. I was able to go to the gym, then to the local Running Room to pick up lunch (the store manager made a HUGE batch of veggie lasagna and offered containers), then the vet to pick up a new version of meds for the beast. As it turned out that liquid is a bit difficult to give to her, we'll see how it goes in a few weeks. Especially since she stopped having nausea.

Then it was off to a pet food store called The Menagerie that has great food and carries many lines of Holistic food. I decided to be more proactive and give her food that is lower in proteins. Apparently that one is the lowest. So we'll see.

Then it was off to the cheaper grocery store to stock up on the basic stuff that cost so much at the local grocery store. I load up my bike and cycle home. Of course, in the big scheme of things, it's not much but when you have meds for a cat to pay and other obligations, every bit counts.

And of course, paying for races... :)

Happy Saturday!

Foot is better :)

2010-09-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

What a relief, the foot doesn't appear to be too damaged. Spin class went very well, no flare up while climbing that HUGE mountain while trying, unsuccessfully, to mentally block energizer bunny dude who cycle like a maniac beside me. He's usually far from me but in the last few weeks, I've been unlucky to have the middle bike and dude seems to have taken a shine to me. This guy just can't follow the program, cycle like a maniac when we're in recovery, stand up on his bike when we're doing seated mountain climb and races again like a maniac coming down. Very unsettling. So yesterday I had a chat with the instructor and decided to position myself away from said dude and she promised me to keep an eye on me to give me tips/pointers if needed. But she assured me that my form was good, I'm on the mark as to what I'm supposed to do. This made me feel better as I really like spinning and enjoy it immensely as cross training.

Coming home last night, I devised a plan of action for the weekend. Easy really... yoga tonight to loosen up the tight muscles (hamstrings feel a little tight), then continuing preparation for Sunday's outfit. Early night, spin class tomorrow, pick up lunch at the Running Room (store manager and friend Kathryn Mitchell is on a roll with making veggie lasagna and is spreading the bounty yummmm lunch!), stop at the vet to pick up new meds for the beast, LCBO to pick up a nice bottle of wine as a pressie for the grooms on Sunday. Then rest and do pedicure/manicure. Sunday will be yoga at Lululemon (I REALLY like these classes, what a fabulous way to give back to the community), a workout at the gym and then home to get ready for the wedding. There will be no running or walking (I will cycle everywhere tomorrow) as I really want to rest my footsies for Sunday.

When I woke up this morning and said good morning to the cat, I stretched my foot a bit before getting out of bed. I was afraid of having the same heavy discomfort the minute I set weight on it but it really wasn't too bad. The stretching I did, plus wearing the ankle brace after the Strassburg sock seem to have helped. I resolved to wear the ankle brace more often. I also have to pay more attention to my calves, they are tight today. And used the frozen bottle of water this morning.

I must get in the habit of doing all this. Otherwise, I fear it will delay my recovery even more. And I do not want to do this.

I'm hopeful.